Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, January 14, 2005
I thought I was done with this shit
You Are 26 Years Old
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

[Horked from the Cheeky Professor]
Posted by Broad2:05 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, January 13, 2005
oh and one more thing…
I'm sure you are going around telling everyone that you "ended it with me" that I was some "psycho bitch" - sort of like how you say that about Ellen DeGeneres. Let me be clear on something, twat. I have ended all communication with you. ALL. I'm the one that walked away. I know how that is important to you - but sorry. I win. I should have never let you stop me from meeting Amy and Broad. You possessive fuck. And by the way. You are fat. And I don't mean PH-at.
Posted by Broad7:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
She’s baaaaaccckkkkk
Ah yes... your guest blogger Snidget is back - because I could not let the night go by without another rant... especially since I'm about to go out of town. (sorry in advance to anyone that this might offend.. except you know.. the obvious person... I don't give a shit if he's offended) Let's see... how shall we start this one out... How about...
Posted by Broad6:37 PM • (0) Trackbacks
What’s grosser than gross?
Grabbing a shaker full of cayenne pepper that has been used once in almost six years to find little tiny grubs under the cap.

Anyone have any idea how THAT happens!?!? (shudders)
Posted by Broad2:15 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
What’s a little evisceration among friends, n’est ce pas!?
Well. All righty then. Snidge said she had something to get off her chest, and girl ain't lyin', I tell you what.

But I? Seem to have caught my first round of the hell- grippe of death, because I'm achey all over and my nose is kind of stuffy. The fact that I'm drinking my Airb0rne (baby!) out of my hip martini glass isn't making it go away any faster, either. Bleh.
Posted by Broad7:10 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Snidge is in the house!
OH yeah... Broad gave me a special all access guest pass to her site and I'm taking advantage of it. You see... I gots some things to say that I can't really say on Snidget... so you get to hear it here. Right on... let's go, shall we?
Posted by Broad7:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Waaah! I’m only 51 percent!
I'm going to have to work on this.
I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Wait a second, isn't "Fuali" the name of that kid Mary Kay Letourneau nailed?
Posted by Broad6:26 PM • (0) Trackbacks
PreSUMING …!?!?!?!
Pal, lemme tell you something: I understand that you're upset and you need to take care of your deal. But insulting my capabilities is neither going to help your situation, nor is it going to gain you an ally in me. Jackass.*

That is all.

*This is what I wish I could've said in response to something about which I can't be more specific out here in the internetwebnetwork. Those who know, know.
Posted by Broad1:45 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Hey, iTunes, play that song
Have I ever mentioned that I'm a YOOOGE fan of seminal '70s jazz-rock band Steely Dan? I'm rockin' out to "Time Out of Mind" as we speak.
Posted by Broad6:45 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, January 10, 2005
Killin’ time doin’ time (or, “Hey Ma, meet my new boyfriend—in jail")
I haven't mentioned the guy who wrote me from prison yet, have I? Yeah, see, that's one of the bad things about having your name in the paper: People can find you and write you in care of the paper. From prison. I haven't seen the note yet, but Tara tells me that he -- and I'm not going to name him, because it somehow seems wrong -- sent me a Christmas card with a letter in it asking me to help him with job hunting after he gets out or something. As if I would be any sort of expert on the subject. Anyway, he said that he wouldn't bother me again if he doesn't hear from me, but any kind of human contact is greatly appreciated. (I'll bet.)

So, if responding would be opening a can of fucked-up that I really don't want -- and I REALLY don't -- is it wrong for me to feel bad about it?
Posted by Broad6:41 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Party peoople in the hizzie
Since I just figured out how to do a random list in iTunes (a tricky process involving pressing the "Party Shuffle" icon), here's what came up:

1. "The One Thing" -- INXS
2. "Don't Like the Drugs" -- Marilyn Manson
3. "September" -- Earth, Wind & Fire
4. "Blue Monday" -- New Order
4. "Meooooow" -- a thing I horked from mikey
5. "Your Love" -- The Outfield
6. "Just Because" -- Jane's Addiction
7. "Elegantly Wasted" -- INXS
8. "Ultimate Sin" -- Ozzy
9. "I love the Way You Move" -- Outkast
Posted by Broad8:10 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, January 08, 2005
I was really kinda hoping for Stewie, but this’ll do

Which Family Guy character are you?
[Horked from the always lovely Snidge]
Posted by Broad8:44 PM • (0) Trackbacks
I am the super fantastic girl, even if I am poor!
As if y'all needed the confirmation, but we have it, because I sent Manolo a shot of me in my Manolos, and he wrote back and said I am the super fantastic girl! Take THAT, fuckin' Paris Hilton.

So Greta and I, speaking of the super fantastic, were downtown today for one of her foloup Lasik appointments when we drove up to Oak Street, the part of Chicago's Mag Mile where the Prada, Louis, Gucci, Tod's, etc. is. We went there because EWK had given me a well-loved, well-worn black leather swing coat with blonde fox fur collar as a Christmas gift, and I want to sell it to a resale shop, so thinking the fur factor would kick up the value a notch, I picked the swankiest one I could find.

Yeah, no such luck; not only is there not a call for black leather swing coats with fur collars yet, but this one's beat down, and the woman wouldn't be interested in it, anyway. I guess a resale shop in NWI it will be, after all.

However, we did pop into the wonder drugstore of the universe, Bravco, where I purchased myself this for $18.99, and by God, I think we have a wax that will finally keep my hair textured without looking all gummy. Huzzah! And I totally want to go back to Oak Street, if not to just figure out new things I want to start hunting for on eBay when I stop being quite as poor as I am right now.
Posted by Broad10:26 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, January 07, 2005
“We like … soup”
"Sittin' (something something), eatin' soup/(something something something)/Now I don't got my soup no more/Now my soup is on the floor ..." Can I just tell you how awesome that is? Target rocks.

So, excitement for the last day or so? Well, Dell Financial pissed up my rope yesterday when I tried to purchase 512 of ram by telling me that they closed my account in April because of "payment history" (hey, I'm a free-lancer -- blow me), even though I've been paying double payments since then. Yeah, Ok, maybe that's how credit works, but what the hell am I going to do if my computer craps out for real, and I need a new one? Are they going to give me a new account? I doubt it. Fuckers. I don't remember credit always being so draconian.

Speaking of draconian, I can't decide how I feel about the Andrea Yates decision. I mean, I understand and appreciate she was sick and everything, and I don't doubt that living with the truth that she killed her kids is hell on earth enough. But what exactly did they change the sentence to? Does she get x amount of years in a brain garage and then let out? Is she in the brain garage for life? Because even if she was/is sick, she still has to be held accountable for killing her kids. Now, before anyone gets up in my grill about how heartless I am, I saw only that the verdict was changed, so if you want to tell me nicely what it was changed to, I'll appreciate your helping me make an informed decision.

In other events, Cousin Gary's memorial is this evening, and Mother is already calling me to ask me if the sweater she's wearing is a cowl neck or not. Because that matters.
Posted by Broad10:20 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Assburger Syndrome, indeed
No, you big pervs, that's not what it looks like. It is, however, an example of what happens when a reporter decides to rely on phonetic spelling and the desk doesn't question it. (Legend has it that editors are supposed to be able to look at a hed or sentence, and if they can get a double entendre out of it -- even if the hed's, like, "The dog is dead" -- it must change. Don't laugh; that's an important talent to have.) No, that reporter was NOT me, thankyouverymuch (and God); I may not know nothin' about no assburger syndrome, but I'm quite familiar with APSBERGER syndrome; it mimicks autism, but not really. Anyhoo, I can't believe Tara FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT ONE, because I would DIE if I were the reporter who fucked that one up. Literally curl up and die. Fer real. I feel for ya, pal.
Posted by Broad5:24 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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