Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Pee-pee Dance of Joy

Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Beach Girl Beauty got on the stick
and resent me -- at no charge -- my order, and can I just tell you that you need to go out and get this right now? Ohmigod, you can't beLIEVE how good the stuff smells, and I'm going to jump in the shower and get myself exfoliated right this very minute. The cocunut milk and peaches Afrodite Delighty cream is good, too (this is my second time ordering it -- in a different scent for summer -- and it's truly the nicest hand cream I've gotten yet), but the SCRUB! And owner Josette personally took care of the resending, so my complaints were taken care of quickly.

I love you, BGB! Thank you!
Posted by Broad3:47 PM
Friday, May 26, 2006
How come no one told me Mike Patton still does stuff!?
You know, from Faith No More? I LOVE that guy. I've loved him ever since staring at Wad's Faith No More poster -- the one where they're all in their boxers -- and realizing hey! ol' boy's packing some HEAT, yo!The Real Thing! And now, he's Peeping Tom, and the debut is really good. (Listen to it here; he put the whole damn album up.) Methinks I'll be feeding it to the iPod once it hits May 30.

In other business, guess what I purchased Wednesday? A plunger. I've lived almost eight years in the crib, and I never bought one. Not sure what that says. But it's a nice, discreet plunger with a cover and everything, although the handle kinda looks like a sex toy, all clear plastic and knobby. Not sure what that says, either.
Posted by Broad11:44 PM
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Happy day of the mommas
To all of you who've let scamps like me spring forth from your loins, make sure to enjoy your day in whatever way you see fit.
Posted by Broad1:24 PM
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Pssst … good news from the reservation! Pass it on!
So, did y'all hear about the Native American warrior goddess (and I mean that in the most reverant, respectful way, because any woman with cajones as big as hers deserves a befitting title) who, when the fucktards in South Dakota (is that even really a state?) decided they were going to ban abortion, said she would build a Planned Parenthood on her reservation, where the fucktard government doesn't apply? Here's the information to either donate or give her a shout-out for her brilliance and bravery, since you just KNOW the rest of the fucktards are going to nail her to the cross simultaneously: Lookit

[Via mac, of course]
Posted by Broad2:16 PM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
And the last one in the group … Kcat!

Woo woo! Have a plum one for me!

[Rock Scissor Paper image, yada yada yada]
Posted by Broad4:46 AM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
And I totally thought it was tomorrow …
2006 birthdays_edited.jpg

To my darling Snidgey, who has a new may-aaaaaaaan. Sort of. We'll see. But anyway, you GO, grrrrrrl.

[Image by the fine folks @ Rock Scissors Paper]
Posted by Broad9:13 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
Go Shorty, iss her birfday

My sisTAH! Go wish her one, everybody!

[image provided by the always groovy Rock Scissor Paper]
Posted by Broad6:09 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Peachball and the introduction of Klepto
After a long, hard night of drinking and drunk sleepwalking into my room thinking it was the bathroom, Snidge has finally roused herself off the couch. Her first words:
Oh God.

We're pretty sure there was no vomiting this time, but since she tends to barf quietly, it's anyone's guess.

The night started off at Three Floyds Brewery in Munster, where I must wholeheartedly endorse their summer brew named Peachball -- holy shit, that's some good, strong stuff. Very nice for those who can't quite appreicate the taste of just plain ale. This is where Snidge was also introduced to a broad who shall forever more be referred to as Klepto because of her propensity to steal the remaining eyeball off a ceramic Persian cat in the bathroom of another bar we went to. Long live Klepto!

The weekend certainly isn't over yet, so I'm sure there'll be more to report.
Posted by Broad5:16 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
Snidge is supposed to be in at 10:30 …
I'm picking her up at O'Hare. Yet I'm sitting here posting this post, and my house is not yet clean (which, if you know me, is really a tall order). I guess it's a really good thing that I've never touted myself as anything less than a bachelorette. Sigh.
Posted by Broad1:48 PM
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
You’re going to wish you were me Tuesday
Covering Blue Chip Casino's grand opening of their yoogemongous new boat Tuesday, and guess who the celebrity guest is?
Posted by Broad7:07 PM
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Coolest song lyrics EVER
Back to regular posting later ...

"Ken," by TNP
My name's Ken and I like men.

But the people at Mattel,
home that I call hell,
are somewhat bothered by my queer proclivities.
It's safe to say that they are really pissed at me.

They always stick me
with Barbie.
But I want them to know
I pray for GI Joe, but any able-bodied man would surely do
for someone to love since i am not set up to screw.

Black Barbie, you know she used to talk to me.
Now she'd rather be
in plastic therapy sitting on a plastic couch speaking freely.
The only problem is she has no history.

Someday soon
I'll be in your childs room.
And I'll be forced to kiss
Barbie's plastic tits,
and I will hate myself but what's more, I'll hate you
for not allowing me to love as I wish to.

See, I'm your corporate toy, cursed to bring you joy.
Through divorce or death,
I'll just hold my breath and play along
your daughter's not to blame at all
for bringing these burdens upon a doll.

So fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la
so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la
so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la
so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la ...

Posted by Broad6:56 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Dix does good

Let's give our ol' pal Dixon Hill and his lady a round of applause; they're doing the deed. Woooooo! And is that a Tiffany diamond I spy, Mr. Hill?
Posted by Broad3:18 AM
Monday, November 14, 2005
She be going to the big leagues
Got off the phone with Sammy about a half-hour ago, and our friend has just accepted the offer to join the NYT SPORTS COPY DESK.

Let that sink in a moment, yo. THE NYT SPORTS COPY DESK. NYT.

I can't tell you how excited and proud I am. This is HUGE, especially since Sammy's a native New Yorker and I now have a second place to stay when out there.

Our baby's all growed up now, (sniff, sniff).
Posted by Broad3:57 PM
Monday, October 31, 2005
It’s the new style
Just drove by Greta's crib to drop something off, and as I was turning into the driveway, I noticed this tube-like construction thingy sticking out of her and her neighbor's shared parkway, along with a box and something else. That disturbs and intrigues me, coming up on strange construction equipment when it's dark out. Don't know why; it's just a thing.

So, did y'all know that li'l ol' Reese spent a goodly portion of her weekend making sure Chez Broad got its long-awaited revamp when she totally didn't have to? Now you do -- and I'm pleased as hell. There may still be a few kinks here and there, but overall, we're big-diggin' it. AND she was able to tolerate my delusionssuggestions even though I'm quite sure I didn't know what I was talking about, and she did it with grace and aplomb. Make sure to tell her how cool she is in the comments.

Onto the Halloween tomfoolery: The good news is, there are some pictures by which to remember the night. The bad new is, they were taken on the new cell phone, for which I have no USB to retrieve them. And I actually wish I could, because the makeup for my costume got better throughout the night the sweatier I got.
Posted by Broad2:57 AM
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Now that I’m all Butterballed
and shaven and siky smoove, I'm going to retire to my chambers for a nice long slumber, seeing as we gain an hour (of glorious, GLORIOUS sleep) in these here parts -- but not before posting, at the behest of Kaffy, a shot of my ever-changing hair color.

After the jump, you will see an almost exact replica of what my hair color was from first grade to, oh, I want to say the summer before my freshman year of high school, when I decided putting blonde mousse in my hair would be cool. Don't know exactly HOW cool it was, but it did lighten my hair considerably, as did the awful body wave that did absolutely NOTHING for my look. Yeech. Anyway ...
Posted by Broad3:23 AM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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