Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, April 30, 2004
Stupid being all emotional when I’m sick
Another unpleasant side effect of me getting sick is that I become emotional to the point of what I would consider psychosis -- an extremely difficult proposition for someone who does NOT deal well with emotion EVER and tries to avoid it at all costs. So who do they have on GMA this morning? Five for Fighting. And what does Five for Fighting play? "Superman," which reminds me of my dad and the weeks after he died. Guess who's sobbing like a freaking fool!?!?

The upside side, though, is that I just ate two of the best small Granny Smith apples for breakfast, or at least they tasted that way because I haven't been able to taste anything. The downside? I can now smell myself and the litterboxes. Neither are good, folks.
Posted by Broad12:01 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Not dead yet
But still kinda wishing I was; do you know I was running a fever of freakin' 101.2 this morning?!?!?! I mean, Christ on a cracker, I can't remember when the last time I ran a fever was. Probably blocked it out of my mind, though: the aching bones, the chills, then the sweats. Kinda makes me want to wash my linens and jammies, but that would entail moving, and I'm not so much about the moving today. Oh yeah, and the litterboxes. Good thing I can't really smell anything right now ...
Posted by Broad7:08 PM • (0) Trackbacks
I have no voice, yet I must scream.
(with props to Joelle, since I noticed the FIRST TIME I WROTE THIS that it sounded a lot like something she'd written before.)

Um ... yeah, hi? Hella rotten throat infection that's making me sound like an iconic Chicago 70s DJ and making me cough the cough of the damned and spit green, infectious sputum in a can all unladylike? And making my head hurt behind my eyes? And making me run hot and cold, and not in the good, tingly way? Yeah, meet hella nuclear-grade antibiotic that's going to take a baseball bat to your rotten, ugly little face.

Infection? Z-Pak.
Infection? Z-PAK.

Yeah, that's what I thought, bee-yotch.

Can I just tell you how glad I am that my doctor has given me a running refill on the lovely Z-Pak? Because I go through this shit at least three times a year. Not that I'm using antibiotics with reckless abandon or anything, because that would be bad. But fuck! This one's kicking my ass.

Night night time.

P.S. Name the author and story from which I riffed on my title. And no googling, bitches!
Posted by Broad1:47 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
What’s worse than fire going down?
That would be fire coming UP, as in hella heartburn on top of the razor blades going past my epiglottis and down my esophagus each time I take a sip of Pepsi. Yeah, I blame the one guy for that. See, he gets this hellacious heartburn that I never had until ... ahem ... fluids were swapped. Dammit.

But the good news is, another one of my assignments was postponed until tomorrow, so God (or someone) smiled upon my sorry ass and went easy on me. Or just didn't want to hear my inner whinings of "OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!" followed by "GOD, PLEASE WILL SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY?!?! PLEEEEEEEEEEZE!?!?!?"
Posted by Broad7:07 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Illness, Day 1
You know what's really, REALLY tasty? La Creme Mousse French Vanilla yogurt, especially smothering big ol' juicy strawberries. But see, I don't HAVE anymore, because I ate my last cup this morning because it was the only thing that didn't feel like fucking hot sandpaper on my throat. Whimper.

At least one of my editors was nice enough to switch one of my assignments 'til tomorrow. Now, that leaves me with THREE to do today. Hope no one's counting on my moving too quickly.
Posted by Broad3:18 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Hel-LOOOOOOOOO, Cleveland!
It's official: My pal Sammy (I'm one of maybe two people in the universe that gets away with calling her that) is hitting the road and moving to Cleveland to start a new gig on the Cleveland Plain-Dealer's Sports copy desk. (Yes, I told her, Pete, but it really IS a good offer, and she REALLY wants to get back on the desk.) Yay for her, but boooooooooo! that she's leaving, although I don't think there's any marathons in Cleveland, so maybe she'll stop with the running, already! And making us look bad and shit.

Posting will exhibit a twinge of crabby within the next few days, so provoke me at your own peril; I feel a cold coming on, and when I get sick? It isn't pretty. No, seriously. I'm rather unpleasant when I don't feel well.

P.S. Yeah, about American Idol? They all sucked ass, but J.S. has to go, much as I love the little dork.
Posted by Broad3:05 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Heh—had y’all fooled, didn’t I?
You are 24% geek
OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at

[Horked from Misty, cuz she horked from me the other day.]
Posted by Broad6:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Evening waste (pun intended)
Talk about a craptacular evening: I just sat through a whole nutraceutical product pimp billed as a talk on building a healthier you. Had I known in advance that it was a pimp, I'd have come more prepared with questions about their products, i.e. the efficacy of co-enzyme Q-10 and all the other enzymes the people were coaxing the sheep to buy. I'll give props for the visual they used -- two old guys held up a disemboweled pantyhose leg and filled it full of garbage the normal schmuck might eat (donut and coffee for breakfast, Burger King cheeseburger, diet Coke and fries for lunch; and Chunk beef stew for dinner), then proceeded by hand to imitate peristalsis. THAT was pretty funny. Otherwise, eat healthy and take a multivitamin. Oh, and if you're not crapping two or three times a day? You're giving yourself autointoxication. No shit, dude! Sounds kinda kinky, if you ask me.

Speaking of kinky, I need the hoobity. Will somebody in particular, if you're reading, please bring me the hoobity!? Thanks.
Posted by Broad12:43 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, April 26, 2004
Home-cooked meals rule.
Nothing like a good ol 'tuna-noona to wipe the "I've-eaten-so-much-crap-in-the-last-three-weeks-that-I've-forgotten-what-real-food-tastes-like" palate clean. (That's tuna casserole for the Broad-impaired.) I've only had most of the ingredients for the past three weeks.

In other news, labor apparently has begun for my cousin Brenda, who last I heard was ready to explode at any second. Like, 12 of my friends are knocked up, and none of them are having any fun, really. Anyway, think happy thoughts for Cousin Bren.
Posted by Broad9:22 PM • (0) Trackbacks
There IS no God, pt. 1
Right now, my bed is the perfect temperature for sleeping: Freezing cold, so that when the boys and I jump it, I can yank up the down and warm it up with my body heat, and they can curl up on either side and snooze to our heart's content.

But I? Have been up since 7, because I couldn't fall back to sleep. Sigh.
Posted by Broad10:45 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, April 24, 2004
The toes know, bro
Taking a cue from Yvonne, I see her "ugly, nasty feet treatise" and raise her this little gem of wisdom for summer footwear:
It is NEVER -- and I mean NEVER -- Ok to wear panty hose with open-toe shoes. DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?!? NEVER.

I don't want to hear that panty hose eliminate those unsightly little bulges and that you just wouldn't feel comfortable without them. GET A GIRDLE, or better yet, some Spanx (see here), which come footless. And if you think you look sharp like that? Oh, honey. You are sadly mistaken.

If I could brave 20-degree weather wearing open-toe sandals to a gala I covered last year, you can, too. For the love of God ...
Posted by Broad1:10 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, April 23, 2004
I’m a blister on Dong! Eeee!
Sure, that sounds kind of weird and wrong, but weird and wrong is good, right? RIGHT!?!?!? I LIVE for weird and wrong!

Anyway, while I have a cat lying on my arm, go check him out!
Posted by Broad7:07 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, April 22, 2004
He likes it! Hey, mikey!
Catching up on my reading today, and I noticed that Joelle's cute boyfriend, mikey over at electric bugaloo, has added me to his blogging goodness. Blogging goodness!?!? Hee. Yeah, so no, I'm still not over the whole getting excited when someone links me thing.

Especially when it allows me to segue into a topic I've not yet covered over here. In this case? The HIV scare in the porn industry.
Posted by Broad11:26 PM • (0) Trackbacks
You know, because I’m a petite flower and shit.
I'm Amelia!
Which Disney Princess are you?

[Courtesy of the lovely Cornelia]

Oh, and another thing: It's not very fun when you e-mail someone blatantly spelling out your sexual needs, only to have them NOT RESPOND back. I'm just saying.
Posted by Broad4:00 PM • (0) Trackbacks
She sure did have it coming.
I'm sorry, but did you see the look on Jennifer Hudson's face when she found out she was in the -- gasp! -- THE BOTTOM THREE!?!?! Don't know about y'all, but that sealed the deal for me. So get your gosepl-singing ass back to the South Side, Honey, because with THAT attitude? "Diva" is right, and I'm not talking Patti LaBelle or Mama 'retha, who have REASONS to be bitches. Sit down.
Posted by Broad12:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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