Since I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have to hang out tomorrow with all the stuff I have to do, I thought I'd put in one more long post, this one a tale about my pal Mer.
Mer's one of my oldest and dearest friends; she came to Frank Hammond Elementary when we were in third grade, but we didn't become close until middle school, when hell hath no fury like a 13 year-old girl. Oh my, the antics, like the time in 8th grade history: Mer and I sat next to each other, and behind her sat Randy Kapers, the little burnout she was in LURVE with. He was hot -- looked like a little surfer dude, with blond, almost towhead hair and blue eyes. He was amazingly short, too, and always wore a jean jacket. Anyway, it was about the time that "She-Bop" by Cyndi Lauper was big, so masturbation was on everyone's mind. Well, ol' Randy used to slouch in his chair with his hand in his pocket (think Al Bundy), and Mer and I used to joke about how someone should tell him that he might go blind doing that.
She didn't think I'd do it, especially not BEFORE class, where she'd have to sit there for an hour, red as a beet with a look of utter terror on her face.
Mer and her family moved to Ohio right before freshman year of high school, and it's a probably a good thing since we'd have probably ended up in juvie at the rate we were going. There are many other stories to tell, but in order to get to know Mer and how truly hysterical she is, you need to see her in her own words. She lives in Brooklyn now, and the following is an e-mail I got from her today (with her permission, of course):
Well, those 3 lunatics, otherwise known as Janet, Lester and Jon, [ED: her mom, dad and younger brother, aka "Bubba"] departed on Monday. They only stayed, oh, about 2 days and 23 hrs. too long! There is a reason why I live so far away. I'm sure if this was movie the audience would have found all this comical. I, however, did not! Lester was innocuous enough, except for the fact that he has become hard of hearing. So he kept saying "What?" and when I would raise my voice he would say "Shhh!" Janet has moved from zany to just plain crazy along with creeping senility. I think she has developed adult ADD. Aside from the need to talk to every waiter, restaurant owner and cab driver she also cannot remain seated! Except, of course, when she was required to move so I could go to the bathroom. Jon's entire repetoire consists soley of movie imitations! The man cannot have a regular conversation unless he is Robert DeNiro, Bill Cosby or Fredo Corleone. After about 10 minutes I decided silence was my only defense. I was planning on being extra nice because I am transfering from Hunter to Touro College which allows you to get your Masters in like 1 year. Of course it's also twice as much. So I was hoping to get some financial help. After all, what good are parents if they don't double as ATMs? After about 20 minutes (and I'm not exaggerating) the words "STUDENT LOAN, STUDENT LOAN!" kept reverbating in my head.
Yes, Rebecca and I were planning to go to Rome in Feb. but as usual when push came to shove Rebecca had no way of paying for it. So we decided to wait until July and go to Montenegro for a week. I found a great apartment by the sea so I'm just now getting it all in order. I had a "sit down" with Rebecca and told her she was driving everyone around her nuts and I would not go anywhere with her if she continued to behave like a fruitcake. After sobbing and crying she agreed. I wanted to go for 10 days but since I'm not even sure I can spend 7 days with Rebecca, I figured that would be too long. (Her boyfriend) is obviously still in the picture. But I actually did look at an apartment last month and Linda is moving in June so her apartment will be free. Just in time for the Montenegrin fighting fiasco! This could be the deal breaker. I said I wanted to go overseas this summer and the son-of-a-bitch accused me of being selfish! Why couldn't I spend all that money on a vacation we could both go on?! Why doesn't he stop thinking he's Pablo Escobar and get a godamn passport! Asshole. I'm enraged just thinking about it.
Well, this is my spring break so far. Maybe my liver will explode like a hand grenade....."and then they'll be sorry!" Love. Mer
Ok, maybe it's not as funny if you don't know her, but I think it's freakin' brilliance. Wait'll I tell you about the first time we hooked up again after not seeing each other for 14 years. Then you'll get it.
Oh, whatEVER. 
