Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Monday, May 31, 2004
We interrupt the full-tilt bitching starting tomorrow …
Today being Memorial Day and all, I thought talking about my dad, he being a veteran and all (AAAAAAIIIIIIRRRR-Borne! Woo! Go 101st!), would be cool, except he never saw combat. And sure I know that doesn't matter, but I had a better idea: With Dad's birthday, Father's Day and wedding anniversary in June, I decided June would be the perfect month to write an entry a day devoted to nothing but him. Good memories, bad memories, indifferent memories, only entry of the day, whatever, will be coming at you, and me.

In other business, the Memorial Day tribute I covered this morning? Why did they allow "Taps" to be played by one good trumpeteer, only to have him mirrored by someone who couldn't carry a tune to save his damn life!?! Good Christ, there's nothing that'll ruin an event quicker for me than someone who can't sing-play their instrument.
Posted by Broad6:57 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Again with the smells
Now I just got back from a lecture on the various critters in the Calumet Region, and there was another dude reekin' to high heaven. Isn't Tom's of Maine, like, a granola-friendly pit rub? That wouldn't go against anyone's principles, right!?!?!

Speaking of the Calumet Region, everyone needs to give me prayers/happy thoughts/whatever your belief system allows so that I may win the lottery or come into an astronomical amount of money before this coming Saturday; this dude is auctioning off his home and property, and I. WANT. IT. It's a 4,000 square foot home with a lake room (with shower and toilet -- PERFECT for parties); four bedrooms, including a master bedroom WITH A HOT TUB; bedroom SUITES; two fireplaces; and more than 275 feet of lakefront property in the front yard. Basically all windows, and 15 minutes from Chicago. Un. believable. And yeah, I know I'm not into big houses and all that (the whole cleaning of them bums me out), but if I had an insane amount of money, I can have someone come in and clean it, right!? And think of the parties I could have. Now, the decorating would need a little work, and I'd definitely have my one pal come in and do her gardening magic, but the possibilities ... (drools).

So, send the love, and we'll have a HUGE bash. Because, did I mention THE TIKI BAR!?!?!
Posted by Broad5:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, May 28, 2004
Own your shit, man
One of my favorite blogs, for those who don't pay attention to my blogroll, is Gawker, the gold standard for snark on all things NYC media-related (written by the deliciously wonderful Choire, who's also on my roll). And one of the topics he was skewering yesterday was this advertising wonk chick who was at a big major network dealie and got soooooooooo shitcanned that she shit HERSELF on a couch. In front of all these major industry players. Well, one of her college acquaintances got wind of it, told some friends by e-mail, and they told some friends, and you know the rest, and it ends up on Gawker for the whole world to see. So now in retaliation, the woman and/or her friends called acquaintance's place of employ and ratted him out for using corporate e-mail for personal gossip.

To that I say, "Wow, bitter much!?!?!"

[UPDATE: There IS a God! Here's how it played out in the end, courtesy of Defamer: Lookit]
Posted by Broad1:47 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, May 27, 2004
My hair rocks
I've talked about how my stylist Bryan, aka the Emperor Warrior Kendar, is the most fabulous stylist in the world, but I'm not sure I've made it abundantly clear. The past couple days that I've gotten into the rolling garbage can (aka my car) and looked into the rearview? Nothing but perfection in the way of highlights. Observe:
Posted by Broad6:30 PM • (0) Trackbacks
No pressure or anything
Tonight was a colleague's going-away drinkfest -- it tends to go in waves, these mass exoduses (exodi?), but this chick's taking off to be close to family -- and I was chatting with one of my other colleagues/friends, who I make NO secret of adoring because she's cute and tenacious and so, SO knocked-up right now. But anyway, she tells me that she actually READS ME HERE. (Yeah, you KNOW I'm talking about you, grrrrrrrrl.)

No, of course it's not a problem; you know, blogging, putting your life in the either for everyone to see, hello? It's just sweet to think my colleagues/friends are checking me out here when they can hear me piss and moan on a regular basis. Encouraging, even. So thanks, you!
Posted by Broad3:09 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Driving along, doing ma thang, pt. 1
1. Why is that people who want to save the earth and hug a tree always smell REALLY BAD!?!? I mean, isn't it part of the point to make the world a better, less smelly place?

2. Why would someone name their dental practice "White Orchid Dental"? Is it because it's really a front for an Asian massage parlor?
Posted by Broad5:40 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Cult of Peerless-ality
Totally making my day last week, a former Regionite and passerby to Broad, Richard, came across my post awhile back on Peerless Potato Chips and left a comment. So I e-mailed him, and we talked a bit about Peerless and its cooking capacity and so on and so forth. Didn't hear from him again, so I figured he had all he wanted to know.

Today, this is the message I got:
I Just received a UPS delivery of 4 pounds of Peerless chips today! I'm working up my appetite. Stay in touch!

Richard W

Hey, it only takes a few to start a revolution, or something.
Posted by Broad9:46 PM • (0) Trackbacks
An open plea
Ok, the one guy? Needs to get over here NOW. Why? Because now I'm having overtly sexual dreams about another friend of ours, who shall remain nameless because even though I find him incredibly hot (and you KNOW who I'm talking about, Kaffy and Tara, if she's back from Fla., but no, it is NOT Mr. Zakula), I shan't embarass his good name. And this ain't the first time it's happened, either, me dreaming about this friend. Woo.

Yvonne, I'm FEELING you, and I'm not even knocked up.
Posted by Broad2:28 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, May 24, 2004
BLAAAAARGH! Stupid battery!
After tossing and turning and trying to get some sleep before my big day today, my alarm wakes me up around 4:40 a.m. (See, it's an old Wesclox, and I have it set 15 minutes fast, so you can never quite tell to the minute what time it's set for). I tried going back to sleep for another 20, but since Elliott wasn't having any of that, I got up, brushed my teeth, rubbed the pits, put some pants on, removed an icky spammer dick from Chez Broad (he's still there, though, and I don't know why, because I Blacklisted everything about him) and trounced out the door. Made record time and got there five minutes before we were supposed to caravan to the viewing sight, right? Only to be told that THE IMPLOSION PEOPLE WERE POSTPONING UNTIL 7:30 A.M.


So a bunch of the dudes from the USWA local plus a couple of free-lance cameraman, one of whom was a colleague up until Friday when he quit the competition (go Tasos! Like I said, you're going to love the life, man!), grabbed breakfast at a local dive and headed back, where we proceeded to drive up Dickey Road to Cline Avenue. Cline Avenue, for those not in the know, is a four-lane highway. Well, the Lake County Sheriff had his men block off the entrance ramps to Cline, and here we were, standing on a four-lane highway watching these gargantuan, majestic structures get imploded.

The whole thing? lasted four seconds.

And of COURSE Bubba's battery crapped out as the blast went off, but I got photos of the before and after. (See here.)

Way cool, but it didn't need to be at the buttcrack of dawn. That just ain't RIGHT.
Posted by Broad1:26 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, May 22, 2004
And so it begins …
All right, here's my schedule for tomorrow: Get up at 5 a.m. (!) to be in the Inland Steel parking lot by 5:30 to witness the implosion of blast furnaces A and B, which normally I'd be all gazzed up about because I LOVE anything and everything steel mill-related, but at 5 a.m., not so much; then I have to be at Temple Beth Israel to cover their Israeli vendor fair, in which there will be lots of gorgeous, earthy jewelry that I do NOT have money for but will probably buy anyway. THEN I have to write the two stories before the two baby showers I have tomorrow. And Mother wonders why I was cranky when she asked me to pick her up lunch at some point before the showers. "Well, I just don't have to eat, then." Yeah, all right, smartass, was my response.

Meanwhile, my aunt already informed the BFKAS that if she can't be civil to me, then she needs to keep her distance, which means she's already asked if I'm going to be at the shower. My sister in the meantime told my cousin that she might or might not be there, which, if I had to make a guess, she will; she just threw that out there to keep me wondering.

I'll post plenty of implosion pictures when I get back.
Posted by Broad11:44 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Posted by Broad1:53 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, May 21, 2004
Fake bake? Check. Gut Sucker? Check …
When I was born, I inhertited quite a few things from my biological family, among them a big ass and legs, as well as a distinctive nose, smirk and shoe fetish. The one I didn't get, however, was the "permanent tan gene," which means that since I was, oh, 18, I've had that Eastern European yellow color but no ability to make it golden in the summer. (Which is why I keep my hair some shade of red -- makes me look less sallow). So every year, I attempt to remedy the situation with some form of sunless tanning lotion, and that lasts about a week or two before I completely screw it up and go back to my pasty sallowness. (Plus, sunless tanning looks really disgusting as it fades on someone with my skin tone.)

Well, it looks like I may have it down this year. Coppertone's Endless Summer in Fair/Medium has given me a fairly natural-looking hue without making me smell like ass. Granted, it's been so long that I've actually had a real tan, I don't exactly know what color it's really supposed to be, but still. I do need to clean it up a bit on my ankles, but I FINALLY got it perfect on my hands for once. Oh, and my chest and neck looks pretty good, too. I hope my sister appreciates the effort I'm putting in to looking better than she will, because this is a pain in the ass.
Posted by Broad8:17 PM • (0) Trackbacks
We’ll be dancin’ on the ceiling
Anybody catch Lionel and Nicole Richie on Oprah this morning? I'd forgotten how much I dig him and his music. Like, with The Commodores? Oh, HELL yeah. Even some of his solo stuff could be filed under "Guilty Pleasure Listening" for me. I could see myself getting a greatest hits album of his.

Lunch today? A Whopper with everything, a whole Ghiardelli chocolate caramel bar and a Pepsi. Holy shit.
Posted by Broad4:58 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Doubt there’d be an Oscar for THIS performance
Went back to bed shortly after I posted last, and I had a dream. The part I remember?
Posted by Broad3:03 PM • (0) Trackbacks
It ain’t right, I tells ya
It's before 7 a.m., I'm not covering anything this early, and yet? I'M. AWAKE.

There's nothing fair about this. Absolutely nothing.
Posted by Broad9:53 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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