Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
s’Nap time, everyone
I've been up since the literal buttcrack of dawn to cover a story, but it was a cool story, and one that I took photos of (some of which are already posted -- yahoo! photos, "regionbroad711", lookit). Homie needs a nap before she does anything else, though.
Posted by Broad5:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, August 16, 2004
Man, my boobs hurt
Jeez, you'd think I was knocked up or something. Good Lord. I'm NOT, but ... wow. I liked it better when they were smaller.

The mood is slightly less crabby today -- had a good time at the luau last night (although can I say getting high with your soon-to-be 26 year-old former neighbor that you used to crack upside the head for being a dillhole when you were kids? Tres surreal), got my hair pruned and touched up today and just had dinner and muy strawberry margaritas with Kaffy and her Winston, who was quite lovely and rather hot in a distinguished sort of way. Didn't get to swing home and pick up the camera, so photos of the damn ugliest Hawaiian shirt on the face of the planet (tm) are still forthcoming.

But crabby's crabby, so I'll leave you with a song:
Posted by Broad1:24 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, August 15, 2004
The one where God hides my cell phone
It was in my purse, and then I when I put my purse down, I heard the phone fly out in to the back seat. But then, when I went to retrieve it, it was no where to be found -- not under my seat, not in the shoebox, not in the bag in which the shoebox was, not in the pants tangled up back there (a couple pairs of pants I've been meaning to return, so relax, man), not on the seat, nothing. Still haven't found it, and probably because if I did, I would want to call the one guy and tell him stuff.
Posted by Broad5:54 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, August 14, 2004
It just keep growing and growing …
A quick shout out to three more homies hooked in at Chez Broad: We got Amy over at Fish Out of Water, Rin over at Southern Bitch and, since I haven't figured out what she wants to be called, "Snidge" over at Snidget. Welcome to the party, y'all.

Speaking of parties, I have to pound out two assignments before Greta and I go to my oldest and dearest friend's pig roast tonight. AND I have to take Mother to lunch. Since I know y'all will want to see the damn ugliest Hawaiian shirt on the face of the planet (TM), I'll do some lovemaking and phototaking with camera (since the other lovemaking? Not so much, and I'm sure I'll be ready to share that whole mess later).

Mahalo, yo.
Posted by Broad3:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, August 13, 2004
What’s a Broad gotta do?
All the talk here about sex, booze and pills, and all I get is a 1 percent increase in the Gematriculator thingy? What a screw.
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Hate it when that happens, pt. 65
Don't you just hate it when you get up in the morning, and you know the first thing you usually do before you trudge to the can is take your meds, but then an hour later, you forget whether you did or not, because there are some days when you don't take them just because? And then you can't really take another because going to 300 mgs from 150 might put you in the brain garage or worse? Gah.

Yup, got a bit of an edge to me today; it's probably just PMDD or During-MDD or whatever we call it when our hormones go batshit, but I hate it. Oh, and Mother wants to hang out with me today. Again, I say, "Gah."
Posted by Broad1:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Shed the skin you’re in
Surprise, yo! I was going to wait until my six-month anniversary on the 23rd to trot out this here new skin, but once Joelle showed me the mock-up, I totally couldn't resist. And once again, I gave her a set of retarded instructions (well, at least they were slightly less retarded than last time -- she had something to run with, at least), and then she came up with the rest. She's brilliant, and I lurve her mad genius.

And hey, if you're still digging the other skin, party on with it. It's your eyes, man. But I'm going to be digging this one for awhile.
Posted by Broad11:51 PM • (1) Trackbacks
See? And y’all think I’m crazy
In my mail today:

Nice blog site and resume! I'm writing because of the toothpaste commercial you referenced. I'm trying to track down the truth regarding that toothpaste commercial you mentioned. I'm like 95% positive she says "pink in the stink." I've even closed my eyes and looked away in order to listen closely, and I'm convinced that the producers there are slipping something through for our comedic edification. Am interested if you've heard any more about it or have seen the commercial again. Take Care,
(Name withheld by request)
Huh!?! HUH!?!?! See!?!?! I'm not the only big perv in the universe.
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Fire and cold water? Don’t mix
Who knew that, when you pour cold water in a glass bowl over a lit candle, the glass bowl would crack!?!? I should've, because I drove around with a hillbilly windshield for years on the Snowball that happened because of a crack that grew from the weather running moderately to ass-cold. But I clearly forgot, because I just cracked the oil infuser I just bought the other day, too, from one of my favorite little shops, Customs Imports in the Miller section of Gary. (I also picked up a really cool antique Chinese rice bucket that I'm using for magazines.) Damn it. Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about, right? Anyone know where I could find another little glass bowl for it? Because I've got this awesome Aromatique mango oil that's making me very happy right now on a day that didn't necessarily start out that way. And I still haven't heard from Mer, and that bothers me, too.

But on a funner note, my column about bad dressers at the fair ran today, and that was cool. I set my sights on this woman who was not only wearing a skirt and club top, but 4-inch pink and aqua stiletto mules. I mean, who wears that to the freakin' fair!?!?! But I suppose it could be worse, like the co-worker of Kaffy's who saw a chick riding the rolly coasters at Great America without unnywears under her skirt (shudders).
Posted by Broad2:19 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Having some issues, apparently
I really love the paper's photo department; remember how I was complaining about having to take a new mug for this year's fair coverage? Rather than listen to me bitch about it, they just used my old photo, which still looks like me, only thinner. Yay! That makes me happy.

So, I'm not sure what this means, but a lot of my dreams, when I remember them, have me traveling somewhere out of the country. This time? It was Russia.
Posted by Broad12:24 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Yay! More war crimes!
Posted the photos from Saturday, for anyone who wants to see. Second verse, same as the first: Yahoo!, photos, regionbroad711, lookit. The folder's called "War Crimes, pt. 2."

I wish the ones of the steel mills off the lake came out better, but we wouldn't dare get close enough to find out, since, you know, the COPS on Lake Michigan and everything.
Posted by Broad12:44 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, August 09, 2004
Poi Dog Pondering is playing two nights at the Double Door Sept. 4 and 5. Who wants to go with me!?!?!?
Posted by Broad8:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sinister ending to an otherwise fantastic week
Well, Mer got off to the airport in one piece yesterday morning at -- oh, I guess it was something like 6:30-ish a.m. when I got her there, still somewhat reeling from my booze and pill-addled nightmare earlier Saturday. I'm not going to be more specific, other than to say that:

1) No, I did NOT OD on anything, but while I'm not turning into a raging pillhead, improper use of pharmaceuticals can be a damn good time;
2) I did something I've never done before and thought I never would: go out on a boat drunk and without a lifepreserver. After I got over the initial terror of holding the seat for dear life, it was all Kate Winslet-stylee for me (except this time, I held onto the windshield for dear life; I don't swim very well, and I bet I really wouldn't swim well drunk); and
3) In what can be described as a kind of drunken girlie hissyfit, I left Mer in a strange setting with people she didn't really know, and for that, I'm horribly, horribly sorry.

So there you go. There were no scenes out of The Accused going on or anything -- Deliverance, maybe, but nobody got hurt. I'll post more pictures later.
Posted by Broad12:14 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Mating rituals in a Midwestern town
Since Yahoo! won't let me just post links to my photo albums, I'll let you have VIP status should you want to see. Go to: Yahoo! photos, and then: regionbroad711; password: lookit.

Another observation in Mer's sociological study of Americana: When we were in the second bar (sidenote: Xanies and Shiraz are an interesting combo -- not last night, sillies. ToNIGHT), this chick was bending over the bar, and the dude to whom she was talking promptly stuck his pointer finger in the woman's shorts-clad buttcrack. I'm not sure if this is the way men pick up women in these here parts, but that's what Meridith observed, and that's pretty gross.

[UPDATE: I should clarify that I was the one who in fact saw the Ex-Lax Dude's smooth move -- I caught it and looked away like, "Whoooaaaa," and he got this look like, "Oh, huhuhuh." But when I told Mer about it, she was horrified.]
Posted by Broad5:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, August 06, 2004
“Do you do anal?”
Before I go any further, remember how I said I was glad that the unholiest of unholy unions didn't happen at my house? Um, yeah. Guess what? Adrian Zakula was naked. IN. MY. HOUSE. I get this phone call yesterday call from Mer that, while I was covering the fair, he stopped by after work, and they did it in the only room in the crib that I'VE NEVER DONE IT IN. Damn it. The cat is STILL traumatized.

Now, on with the show.
Posted by Broad9:27 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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