From Og, who asked about Broad pictures of the nekkid kind: If there are any, I'm certainly unaware of them. But I'd have to question the sanity of anyone who thinks chimples and stretch marks are hot, because really? They're not. (Chimples, in fact, are the reason I won't photograph my rack; otherwise, I'd have probably posted them somewhere already.)

Now, for Brooks' questions:
1) How often do you wash your car? (assuming you have one)
I do indeed, and its name is Pimp. With all the horrendous construction NWI has endured over the summer since I got it, I've been trying to wash it every couple weeks. The inside, not so much, though. After all, they didn't call my last car the "Rolling Garbage Can" and "The Gotti Mobile" for nothing.
2) How many pairs of shoes have you bought from Payless?
Over the course of my lifetime? I can think of two off the top of my head -- one of which I still wear. But with the way I murder shoes, buying cheap isn't worth it. I like 'em expensive, anyways. Now, the most expensive shoes I've ever bought? That's a three-way tie between my Frye biker boots, my Tod's pattened leather loafers and the ever-coveted Manolos. 3) What was the worst drug you've ever taken?
Intentionally? Probably mixing Xanies and Yellowtail wasn't the brightest move (and yet oh. so. FUN) I've ever made. Unintentionally, though, I had acid slipped in my beer about 10 years ago. Wasn't crazy about that one. And probably would've been less crazy about it had I known what was actually happening to me at the time.

Next ...!?!?!
Oh, whatEVER.

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator. "And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world." Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian). The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth. Her sign is the dawn sun. As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Oh, whatEVER.

There was a reason why his e-mail was down (and it was in fact down, as in "nonexistent down"): Over Labor Day weekend, the crackhead down the street broke into his crib and ripped off his DVD player, his e-mail apparatus and several treasured autographed photos of sports icons he had hanging up. He knew it was the crackhead down the street because said crackhead had already broken into his landlord's crib upstairs and horked shit from him, so after the cops left, he devised a plan. And that plan included a baseball bat.

No, no, he didn't beat the crackhead with the baseball bat. But he DID carry the baseball bat with him every time he left his crib, whether it was to and from the car going to work or taking his dog out for her constitutional in the front yard. He went out there, bat in hand, and stared at the crackhead's house. Now, when he ran into the crackhead, he did threaten to take the bat upside the crackhead's skull if he ever comes near the crib again, but the psychological initimidation part!?!?! Ooooh, baby (shudders).

Yeah, I like my men a little edgy. Speaking of which, anyone catch Boston Legal Sunday? Two words: James. Spader. What a fucking STUD. Reminds me of the deputy prosecutor I dated six years ago. Swoon. Of course, he was a big-time alcoholic and it ultimately would've never worked between us for that reason, but oh, the possibilities ... Desperate Housewives was pretty good, too, especially Felicity Huffman, but she always rocks.

Oh, and btw, the Cubs? Suck. But we had a good time at the game, even if we partied only as "minor starlets" instead of rock stars. No guacamole, either.
Oh, whatEVER.