[Note to Wad: Since you're having a hemorrhage, here's one -- guess who I'm likely going to run into March 19th at a formal event for a certain not-for-profit that deals with the handicapped? If you're thinking nitrate-processed lips and assholes on soggy white bread, you would not be wrong.]
Not much to report up in Chez Broad over the weekend. Turns out Cousin Nancy and I are supposed to shop tomorrow for dresses -- except if I get an assignment, which I undoubtedly will, we won't be going to the place I want to take her. But the prom isn't until May, so we do have some time. Of course, she also dropped it on me that she and the new boyfriend are MOVING IN TOGETHER in May as well, about which I'm not happy at all. I mean, Ok, she's 18 now and there's not a whole lot I can say about it, and I don't necessarily think it would be a colossally bad idea for her to see what paying an assload of bills is like on little more than minimum wage. But you guessed it -- she's doing it for all the wrong reasons. Sigh. I'm just hoping she and the new guy are using condoms.
In other news, I told you guys about the
show on the 12th, right? Well, did I mention that I was supposed to interview headliner Brian Blush, too? For a Friday Lifestyle cover? Yeah. I've been calling the motherfucker all week, and he hasn't returned any of my calls. Oh, and my deadline is Tuesday noon. I haven't told Tara yet, as she and fiance Sean have been basking in the Florida sun all weekend, and I'm sure I can pull something together. But that's not the point. The point is, a story without the headliner kind of
misses the whole point, not to mention puts everyone in a really bad position. Jerk. Will it ruin the show for me? Hell no, because
my homies will be representin'. But depending on the amount of
woo! juice I gots in me, Brian might get booed.
Actually, here's a nice little story courtesy of Snidge about the woo! girl. Enjoy.
I Am Woo Girl, Hear Me "Woo!"
BY LINDSEY GROSSMAN
Woo Girls get a bad rap. You've read about them in Scene & Herd, spotted them in The City cartoons, or maybe you've experienced their zest for life first-hand. This subculture of women is said to migrate in packs
from bar to bar on a mission to let the world know that you can take the
girl out of the sorority, but you can't take the sorority out of the
girl. People cross the street when they see these girls stumbling down
the sidewalk toward them and never take the time to get to know the
woman behind the "Woo!"
I was in a sorority and I admit that I, too, am prone to the occasional "Woo!" when I'm out drinking with the ladies. I'm well aware that I'm no longer in college, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to hang up my shot glass to become one of those intellectual coffee drinkers who hates the rest of the world almost as much as they hate themselves. I still like
to get drunk on purpose for no reason whatsoever. And when I do, you may
hear a "Woo!" I'm not depressed, nor do I have any underlying
insecurities that I'm trying to drown out. Sometimes, it's fun to get
wasted. This doesn't make me stupid, shallow, boy-crazy or "blonde." I'm
just lettin' loose and havin' a good time.
Of course there's more to a Woo Girl's vocabulary than that 3-letter expletive. Many of us went to prominent universities and have gone on to have successful careers. You may even work alongside a Woo Girl and not even know it. I'm not going to jump up and down and shout "Woo!" in my co-worker's ear while waiting to use the fax machine. But put me in a cheesy club with Outkast's "Hey Ya!" blasting out the speakers and that's another story. Even Woo Girls know that there's a time and a place to "Woo!"
Here are some "Woo!" worthy moments:
1. After you've taken a shot: Specifically a Jaeger bomb, Irish car bomb
or any other "chugging shot." If you can finish one of these without
puking, you deserve some self-recognition.
2. You run into a friend at a bar: It doesn't matter if you saw her
every day for the past week or if you haven't seen her in years. It's
still a big freakin' deal. Innocent bystanders, beware of getting in the
way of this joyous reunion or you could end up with a puncture wound
from a pink stiletto heel.
3. The DJ plays your favorite song: Or your second favorite song. Or
pretty much any song that you know all of the words to. It's like kismet
that he played the exact song you wanted to hear right when you wanted
to hear it. You now have to drag your girlfriends onto the dance floor
with you to celebrate this cosmic event (this usually involves a group
"Woo!"). If there's not a dance floor, just dance in the middle of the
bar. People won't mind making room for your posse. If they do mind, it's
OK -- you're too drunk to notice.
4. Someone shares a juicy piece of gossip: Sara Kate is engaged. Ann
Marie is pregnant (on purpose). Mary Elizabeth got dumped (we "Woo!"
because she's a bitch and deserved it). All of this good news requires a
shot, which leads to another "Woo!" (see number one).
5. Using the "Woo!" to woo: Nothing attracts a fratastic
Patagonia-sporting guy like a girl who's even more loud and obnoxious
than he is. Once the sweet sound of the woo girl mating call pierces his
ears, he's sure to sidle up next to you and offer to buy you a Bud
Light, or a Michelob Ultra if you're counting carbs.
6. Just for the hell of it: Every girl must make this decision on her
own. The bar might be too quiet and you're too drunk and bored to be in
such a civilized establishment -- why not stir things up? It's a total
judgment (or lack of judgment) call.
Woo-ing is as innate for some girls as accessorizing is for others. And
-- wouldn't you know it? -- some of us are blessed with both traits. For
instance, nothing goes better with a "Woo!" than hoop earrings and a
David Yurman bracelet. But now we're getting into woo girl gear -- and
that's a whole other column.
Oh, whatEVER.