Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
‘I’m’ and ‘Good’ not welcome here
Ok, so now, after a really bad battle this morning with a whole bunch of spammer dicks who left unsavory crap in my pings, I got a whole bunch of new things blacklisted. Those things also, however, apparently include my friends Headcase and Og, because they weren't able to comment.

Fuck a duck, man.

I THINK I found and fixed the problem, but if I haven't, shoot me some mail and I'll continue to look.

I fuckin' HATE spammers. Haaaaaaaaate.
Posted by Broad9:38 PM
No cracks about my weight, por favor
You are Buck Russell (from Uncle Buck)! Your
relationships aren't the greatest (mostly by
your own accord), but if anyone has a huge
heart, it's you.

Which John Hughes Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

[Horked off my Fab Five homies]
Posted by Broad3:09 PM
Well, Greta and I got my tax shit together for Friday. Other than that? Notta lotta going on up in here.
Posted by Broad3:00 PM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
See this little meatball?
This is one of my cousins, and he's in the hospital with a bronchial infection (not RSV or rotovirus, but something pretty darn nasty nonetheless). If y'all could give him whatever healing thoughts or prayers you got, we'd greatly appreciate it.

[UPDATE: Mother called -- seems that Timmy's doing a bit better today, but the infection has now crept into his ear. Still running a bit of a fever, too. Therefore, keep the good thoughts coming.]
Posted by Broad3:11 AM
Monday, March 28, 2005
She wants your cash …
For those of you who love (and can afford) good quality antiques, Crazy Aunt is selling an antique china cabinet on eBay. (Lookit) If anyone's interested, lemeno, and I'll give you the details.
Posted by Broad3:18 PM
And my eyelashes all in curl …
Ever have one of those days when you curl your eyelashes with the curler and they're, like, perfect -- not all bent and weird -- but you can't sleep with mascara on, and even if you did, if wouldn't matter because you'd end up looking like Lon Cheney when you woke up, anyway? Hate when that happens.

Not a lot to report up in Chez Broad. I'm nervous about a story I wrote today about an issue that involves a lot of numbers; one of the copy editors buzzed me with questions that made it clear that either a) I didn't write the story clear enough in the first place, or b) someone screwed around with it before she saw it. Either way, it was reconstructed, and that scares me. Otherwise, Easter was pretty cool -- ate a ton -- and I'll be spending a good portion of my week getting my stuff ready for the accountant on Friday (yes, on April Fool's aGAIN). And yes, it's likely that I'll owe -- as a free-lancer, I don't pay during the year -- but with this site, my other site and a new car, I may get to not owe a ton. Gee, I guess that means the car was good for something after all ... Of course, if I don't get butt-raped in taxes, I DO plan on getting me some new skin ... Christina, you game?
Posted by Broad2:50 AM
Friday, March 25, 2005
Would a turd by any other name smell as bad?
I've spent the better part of the last 45 minutes perusing this site (lookit) of which the author trolls baby name BBSes and just SKEWERS her findings. It's fucking HILARIOUS. To wit:
The following list was written, literally, with no spaces. I've divided it up so each name gets the special attention it deserves.

Beautiful Welsh names (girls) Aelwen(fair brow)
Ceindrych(Elegant, fair)

Cerian (to love ) Ce pronouced as KEE
Crisiant( crystal)
Faleiry (welsh form of valerie)
Fflur( flower)

Eiddwen Eira, Eiry (snow)
Enfys (rainbow)
Eurwen(fair and golden)
Gwennant(fair stream)
Gwyneira (white snow)

Iorwen(lord, beautiful)
Llio Meinir(maiden)
Meinwen(slender n fair)
Melangell(sweet angel)
Saeran( an irish saint)
Wynne(fair, blessed)

BOMB WALES NOW! Seriously, take any one of these words, put "Marie Johnson" behind it and try not to laugh. Now imagine the kindergarten teacher trying to say Fflur on the first day of school. That's right. ...

"Put Marie Johnson behind it"!?!? Comedy TITANIUM, y'all.

This reminds me of when my pal Laura, before she had her darling chitlins, would call me when she got her class rosters before the first day of school. Fast forward one year to Open House, and she encountered a parent who inSISTED her daughter's name is pronounced, "Tatiana." But how is it spelled? "Titania." And she wasn't kidding, folks.
Posted by Broad8:20 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Just sayin’
If I, someone who most days can barely afford the lifestyle to which she's accustomed, can afford my own blog with pretty skins, shouldn't fuckin' Rosie O'Donnell be able to, too!?? I mean, come ON.
Posted by Broad6:08 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
A word about the Schiavo case
Now that the guvmint boneheads have gotten it this far, I hope every family that's in this situation -- whether it's gone on as long Terri's or not -- implores Congress to afford them the exact same privilege over and over and over again so that they'll be soooooo tied up with this, they won't be able to focus on anything else ever again. Qu'est-ce que cela va dire, You reap what you sow!?!?

That is all.
Posted by Broad3:28 AM
I take issue with the word “coquette”
But I s'pose it's pretty apt.
Your Seduction Style: The Coquette
You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.
[Again, from the lovely Snidge]
Posted by Broad2:19 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Fuckety fuck fuck fuck, pt. 32
So, who wants to take up a collection for me? Because I just checked my checking account, and I have a current balance of $480 something and some change but an available balance of $182 and some change. I sure hope that $300 equals out to my phone bill (past due a bit, I know) and the car insurance payment I jut made, because if not? I'm totally fucked. AGAIN. I mean, my car payment is due next week, so I can take a bit of a hit on that if I need to fill up my tank, which I will tomorrow (at $2+ a gallon -- oh, wait: Speedway has it for $2 at Speedway, according to, and I'm headed that way), but if not? I don't know what I'm going to do. And then as I'm headed toward an assignment this morning, facken Mother starts handing out orders: "I need to drop off my pants to get them hemmed. Did you make reservations for Easter yet?" Now, the pants thing is cool, because she doesn't drive. But the reservations? She may not drive, but she CAN pick up the Goddamned phone; after all, she calls ME three to five times a day on average some days. I mean, people get paid $40K a year as a personal assistant, while I pay hell getting the $60 $50 (it started as $60) she gives me toward my car payment (you know, the one I didn't want in the first place?) each month because she's POOR, you know, even though she makes more than ME most months, and I'M the one working.


Yeah, I know, I really have nothing to complain about when you consider that the government is on the precipice of setting a filthy, rotten precedent for human rights, but as the one guy says, "You might be an amputee, but that doesn't make my broken leg hurt any less." Or some such thing.

With that, I'll lighten the mood a bit with photos of my two boyfriends.

[UPDATE: Better news, everyone: Just checked my Bill Pay, and the $182? Is that phone bill plus my car payment. So now, when the insurance hits? I'll still have money left to get me through to next check. Still, thank God I stocked up on the Ramen and tomato sauce while I still had the chance. Sheesh.]
Posted by Broad2:02 AM
Monday, March 21, 2005
Domo origato

My japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 弓美 Yumi (beautiful bow, as in bow and arrow).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

[Horked from the always fetching Snidge]
Posted by Broad4:18 PM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Tonight’s the night …
I see my college boyfriend for the first time in, oh, at least 10 years!?!?

Except for passing references and a coded in-joke to Wad, I haven't mentioned him much here because, well, he has no effect whatsoever on my world now and hasn't in the 10 or so years I haven't seen him. (Luckily for me, once I'm over it, it's, like, totally wiped from the annals. Getting to that point, however, is an entirely different critter that usually takes much longer than humanly necessary, but I digress.) Anyway, I'll be seeing him at an assignment -- a formal gig that the not-for-profit for which he works puts on for its clients each year -- which means I'll be putting on makeup, the industrial strength support thing-y and my fancy Ralph Lauren pants. Am I going to go out of my way to talk to him? Not at all. I have no reason to. Plus, I'm sure his wife's* going to be there, and that would be awkward considering he was doing us at the same time.

[UPDATE: Welp, there's nothing TO report, because if he was there, I didn't see him, and I certainly wasn't going to ask any of the employees if he was there. There WAS, however, this blonde chick that kept giving me the eyeball, and I wonder if that might have been his fucking bitch ol' lady wife, because although she knew me? I didn't know who SHE was. Of course, it could've also been that I was looking reasonably hot, and she was jealous of the hottness.]
Posted by Broad2:18 PM
Friday, March 18, 2005
Days when the job is not so fun
Got an e-mail from one of my editors yesterday with a story tip: A woman called in to tell us her daughter had been assaulted, can we do a story on it? My first reaction was, "Ooooof, that's rough," and my editor said that if there was a police report, of course it's a story.

Well, there's a story, all right. Yes, it most definitely did happen ... in another state several years ago. And therein lies the rub.

I always hate doing the dead stories or the people-got-really-fucked-up-at-the-hands-of-others stories -- not because they're not worthy, but it's monumentally tough to talk to people when their emotions are so raw and exposed. You're convinced they don't really want to talk, and you're worried about saying the wrong thing. But I do them when asked, and I do an all right job of it, I think. But what do you do when there's a family in immense pain, but the story isn't germain to the readership? On one hand, it's not "news," at least as far as the public's concerned. And yet ...

Like I told the editor, "I'm really kinda glad I'm not the one making the decision."
Posted by Broad5:29 PM
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Another ecosystem bites the dust
From the time I was a wee broad, Mother told me the story of how the summer before she and Dad got engaged, he hightailed it to Alaska. Apparently, the pressure from both sets of parents -- "But he's not Catholic, Anka!" "I want you to marry a college girl, Lee!" -- was bumming him out, so he split. Obviously, they got back together (after Mother gave him 10 kinds of hell for a month or two), but he always talked about the amazing beauty of Alaska: the wildlife, the mountains, the tranquility, but especially the wildlife.

Don't know whether he ever got up to the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge, but in February I covered a talk about it. Below, the article:
Peter Solomon is not what anyone would call a political activist.

A widower with three sons living in Northeastern Alaska as part of the Gwich’in Indian tribe, Solomon feeds his family by hunting and fishing off the coastal plain of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, a giant piece of wilderness shared between Alaska and Canada. But their lifeblood could soon be decimated by oil drills if the federal government has anything to say about it, he told members of the Izaak Walton League of America Monday night.

If oil development is allowed on the plain, the 8,000-member Gwich’in tribe stands to its way of life for the past 20,000 years. For example, caribou, which return to the plain on Prudhoe Bay each summer to give birth, would likely suffer decreased herds because of displacement from drilling, thereby cutting off the tribe’s food supply. Plus, the nature of drilling would destroy acres upon acres of an untouched ecosystem.

”There’s a 65 percent unemployment rate in most of Alaska,” Solomon said, “But as long as we have the right to hunt and fish on our land, that doesn’t hurt us in any way.”

Lenny Kohm, a wildlife conservationist and photographer who spent more than 15 years lecturing about the Gwich’ins’ plight and spends most summers among the tribe, said that the amount of oil that the government hopes to harvest from the plain is about 3.2 billion gallons, or a six-month supply based on normal American usage. And that number can’t be proven.

”There’s a 20 percent chance of (the oil) actually being there,” Kohm said. “When (Spanish explorers) came through Mexico, they destroyed the Aztecs and Mayans, because they needed the gold. Then 150 years ago, we ran the Native Americans out, because we wanted the land. Now, we’re getting ready to do it again, because we need the oil.”

The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, considered a prime piece of land for drilling since 1925, was declared as such in 1980 by the Alaska National Interest Lands Conservation Act by former President Jimmy Carter, Kohm explained. Because the Coastal Plain has always been a target for drilling, however, Carter classified it as a study area until such time that it would be used for other things.

In order for the plains to receive refuge status, a bill before the House of Representatives, H.R. 567 will have to pass. It may not have a shot, however, since President George Bush in his budget for 2006 has earmarked money for the Open Up Arctic Refuge.

”It’s not even a budget item, but he knows that as a budget bill in the Senate, it can’t be filibustered,” Kohm said.

Kohm, along with Kim Novick, Great Lakes Organizer for the Alaska Coalition, pleaded with League members to contact Sen. Richard Lugar to vote against the budget. For his Alaskan Indian “family,” he prays the efforts will work.

”If it passes, that first drill is going to have to come right through here,” Kohm said, pointing to his heart.

Well, now I find out from Rude that it passed 51-49 to drill up the ANWR for oil they can't say for sure is even down there. Big oil (and the Republicans who support it) say that it can be drilled with minimal effect to the environment. Do you buy that? Do you really think that bringing heavy equipment to an area that;s never been exposed to it is going to survive and multiply? Do you think the birds and animals are going to want to come back to that shit every year? And once again, for oil that may not even be there.

Look at those pictures of the ANWR and tell me if you think that's right.
Posted by Broad2:14 PM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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