Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, April 15, 2005
Can never have too many pets
adopt your own virtual pet!

[Horked from the lovely Headcase]
Posted by Broad1:26 PM
Down at the Sunset Lounge …
No, I don't want to be up this early -- never do, and don't know why I am -- but while I am, here's the e-mail invite Randy over at the Bite the Lime sent out for its gig this weekend. Dude fuckin' cracks me up. (Completely unrelated, I have that one Spacehog song that made it relatively big stuck in my head.)
Posted by Broad8:10 AM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Great minds drink alike
[Horked from Headcase]
Congratulations! You're 118 proof, with specific scores in beer (100) , wine (116), and liquor (69).
Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 29% on proof
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You scored higher than 89% on beer index
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You scored higher than 94% on wine index
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You scored higher than 78% on liquor index
Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

Posted by Broad3:10 PM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Pesky peer pressure
Mac made me do this, but it's a groovy little idea, especially since I'll never be able to afford a pink I-Pod mini at the rate I'm going. Anyway, it's Blingo! so if I haven't already sent you your own personal invite, get in on the group gig by clicking riiiiiiight ... here.

Blingo! It's better than bad -- it gives presents! And not the kind that require heavy doses of antiviral medication!
Posted by Broad2:44 PM
That is all.
Posted by Broad1:54 PM
A room of one’s own, indeed
So, when Wad and I were solving the world's problems last night, we got on to the subject of needing lots of space in order to remain sane. Now, I've made it no secret that despite my charming and bubbly personality, I'm a rather solitary creature at heart; and Wad concurred that a lot of space does a body good. The thing is, we're both only children (yes, I know, but I was raised as one, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the way it's going to stay, boyo), so it got me to thinking: Does being raised as an only child make someone more apt to want to remain solitary? I mean, the one guy is an only child, too, and he's about as big a loner as we come. Then again, Dad was a solitary creature, and he had two sisters.

Any thoughts, y'all?
Posted by Broad12:13 AM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Food not for the thinking
This was the story I covered yesterday afternoon. Does it go without saying that I was absolutely turning GREEN in the courtroom!?!? Note: The final version wasn't posted on the Web site today, so this is my hard copy. I'm guessing not much changed, however.
Posted by Broad4:25 PM
Overheard during court today:
Snatch is never friendly.

Unfortunately, that's all I can give you right now, but it's a direct quote, and I can assure y'all that it wasn't supposed to come out that way.

Tipped a couple with Wad this evening before my night assignment -- well, HE tipped a couple while I stuck with water because a) I was on my way to an assignment where the paper's publisher was going to be, and b) I'm broke as a joke until Thursday, and I'm already into a ton of cash to Wad as it is. Anyway, ask him to tell y'all about Cajun Teriyaki chicken. Go on, ask him! He wants you to.
Posted by Broad1:26 AM
Monday, April 11, 2005
Bitter salad with a side of venom
Going over my last week of entries, I noticed I was kind of crabby, as in, like, a real killjoy, so sorry about that; I'm not usually that negative.

Oh, wait. I kinda am sometimes, but I hide it pretty well. No need for despair, however: I've already told Kaffy and Tara (who, incidentally, is GETTING MARRIED MAY 1st, so send your congrats to her. Oh, and she and her man have just bought a big crib, too) that if I ever reach the bitter proportions of either the bio-fam or Mother to please, PLEASE kill me until I'm so dead, I can't be resurrected to be killed again.

In the meantime, the weather was GOR-jus today, so I broke the windows wide open and napped this afternoon before going to Greta's niece's birthday party, where Greta, her sister and I barbecued a buttload of burgers and soaked in the air. THAT was totally cool, even if they didn't let me put my super-special seasoning on the burgers (they're fussy eaters, remember). Should've gotten my bike out to ride.
Posted by Broad1:15 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Relative intelligence of spammer dicks
If I've managed to block out as many spammer dicks as humanly possible with my Blacklist -- and I do a run-through as least once a day -- then why do they keep trying to come back 2, 3, 10 times a day? I just looked at my activity log, and there they are, like birds against a streak-freak window. Just sayin'.
Posted by Broad3:05 PM
Friday, April 08, 2005
I give up, I swear it this time
Guess who didn't take the offer, even though she's got so much debt, she couldn't pay for a freakin' bankruptcy? Even better? Guess who had to call the buyer and not only refund his entire amount (which of course I would because, I mean, duh) but offer to refund him any expenses he may incur with the truck he had to rent? Thankfully, the buyer was tres understanding and said he shouldn't have to pay for it, but still ... Oh, and why didn't she take the offer? Well, because $1,181. 56 wouldn't even begin to put a dent in the money they're behind. Wouldn't be of aaaaaaany help at all, no sireee. No one can pay anything off with $1,100. Nuh-uhhh, they can't.

(beats head on desk)

Remember when the one guy and I had that big tsunami discussion? In theory, I guess he's right.
Posted by Broad3:45 PM
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Bloody relation, bloody hell
Here's a conversation I'll bet none of y'all have ever had: Telling someone who's been told he's your biological father and actually kind of believes it that he's likely not and even better? He's one of potentially three candidates.

Yeah. Not exactly a topic covered by Emily Post, n'est-ce pas?
Posted by Broad1:33 AM
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Look. A tear. (aka Meatball update)
How horrible a person am I that when Mother calls all hysterical about little TIMMY, all I feel is annoyed?

I mean, there's certainly reason for concern: The doctors finally diagnosed him with p-monia last week, but somehow, the idiot doctor on call Saturday released him, even though he had big diarrhea and couldn't hold anything down with all the mucous packed in his lungs. Well, he's back in as of yesterday, but his electrolytes are all kinds of screwed up and he's lost weight from dehydration. So yeah, it's a pretty serious situation; still, I'm not convinced he's going to die or anything so drastic.

But drama queen that she is, every time she talks to my cousin, who's naturally upset and worn out by the whole thing, Mother calls me up all crying and tearing at her breast I'm sure, and it just. wears. on. my. NERVES. It's like, Ok, I get it that you're upset, but crying and getting all fucked up around my cousin probably isn't what SHE needs right now. Or maybe I'm just a bitter ol' unfeeling hag, but God! I just don't get it.
Posted by Broad1:38 PM
Monday, April 04, 2005
The philanthropy? Stops here.
You know, I KNEW this was going to happen, and yet I get involved anyway and it ends up being my fault.

Oh yes, the china cabinet sold and it sold for $1,181.56, right? A good, healthy price considering I started the auction at $200 and similar pieces with "Buy It Now" prices of $1,200, $1,500 weren't getting nary a look. I mean, I thought so. I was thrilled that it did so well, in fact.

Crazy Aunt, however, does NOT, and is now upset because she was told the cabinet was worth at least $2,000, EVEN THOUGH this appraisal was never put in writing and she TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY that she wasn't sure the $2,000 appraisal included a table and chair set or not.

You know, it seems to me that when you have absolutely no money and don't seem to be trying very hard to get it, you shouldn't be biting the hand that feeds you. But what do I know?
Posted by Broad4:49 PM
Because I’m scared of that book one
[Horked from homie Headcase]

Accent: Northwest Hoosier, which I'm told is like Chicagoan, only flatter. I can also do a mean Northwest Indiana hillbilly when I get going (or try to talk Southern, which gives Kaffy the heebs). Bra Size: 38D Chore I hate: What is this thing you call "chores?" Dad's name: Lee Essential make-up: Becca creme blush in Turkish Rose Favorite perfume: Usually Angel by Thierry Mugler (just like Snidgey), but there's this stuff from Sephora that sounds like it'll smell good for the summer, like vanilla and coconut. Gold or Silver: gold Hometown: Munster, Ind. Interesting fact: I have perfect pitch when it comes to playing music. Singing, however, is a whole other ball of wax. Job title: Free-lance reporter/editor/researcher (that's what it says on my biz card, even) Kids: Ruben and Elliot Living arrangements: Apartment dwelling Mom's birthplace: She might've been born overseas in Czechoslovakia, but I'm guessing it was someplace here. Number of apples eaten in last week: What are these apples of which you speak? Overnight hospital stays: one for tonsils out and one for figuring out why I couldn't shit when I was three (Bastards gave me a lower G.I. for that one, but I showed them ...) Phobia: Rejection and getting fired (Oh, wait. That's kind of the same thing, isn't it?) Question you ask yourself a lot: "Wait ... what!?!?" Religious affiliation: Lapsed Catholic Siblings: My pretend younger brother and soul sister are the only ones I'm claiming these days. Time I wake up: 9 a.m. ... ish Unnatural hair color: dark red Vegetable I refuse to eat: Rhubarb sounds pretty unappealing to me. Worst habit: I plead the 5th. X-rays: many, many of chest/lungs; tonsils, lower bowel and nose (thought I broke it when I fell into a can of turpentine while trying to rollerskate in the basement -- again when I was three) Yummy food I make: I'm actually a pretty good cook, but I make a fantastic Italian beef Zodiac sign: Green-eyed Aquarian

Posted by Broad3:56 AM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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