Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Monday, October 31, 2005
PornoPhotographic evidence
And now, for my rendition of "The Walk of Shame":
Posted by Broad6:55 PM
Go TOG, iss yo birfday (not to be confused with Og)

Hope it's a good one, yo.
Posted by Broad6:04 PM
It’s the new style
Just drove by Greta's crib to drop something off, and as I was turning into the driveway, I noticed this tube-like construction thingy sticking out of her and her neighbor's shared parkway, along with a box and something else. That disturbs and intrigues me, coming up on strange construction equipment when it's dark out. Don't know why; it's just a thing.

So, did y'all know that li'l ol' Reese spent a goodly portion of her weekend making sure Chez Broad got its long-awaited revamp when she totally didn't have to? Now you do -- and I'm pleased as hell. There may still be a few kinks here and there, but overall, we're big-diggin' it. AND she was able to tolerate my delusionssuggestions even though I'm quite sure I didn't know what I was talking about, and she did it with grace and aplomb. Make sure to tell her how cool she is in the comments.

Onto the Halloween tomfoolery: The good news is, there are some pictures by which to remember the night. The bad new is, they were taken on the new cell phone, for which I have no USB to retrieve them. And I actually wish I could, because the makeup for my costume got better throughout the night the sweatier I got.
Posted by Broad2:57 AM
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Now that I’m all Butterballed
and shaven and siky smoove, I'm going to retire to my chambers for a nice long slumber, seeing as we gain an hour (of glorious, GLORIOUS sleep) in these here parts -- but not before posting, at the behest of Kaffy, a shot of my ever-changing hair color.

After the jump, you will see an almost exact replica of what my hair color was from first grade to, oh, I want to say the summer before my freshman year of high school, when I decided putting blonde mousse in my hair would be cool. Don't know exactly HOW cool it was, but it did lighten my hair considerably, as did the awful body wave that did absolutely NOTHING for my look. Yeech. Anyway ...
Posted by Broad3:23 AM
Friday, October 28, 2005
It takes just one to ruin it for everyone
You know those people -- and I know it can't be just me that's surrounded by them at every damn turn, so please tell me you feel me, here -- with whom you try to establish boundaries, but they don't abide by them, because whatever THEY got going on is so much more important to ending world hunger and creating world peace? Yeah, when they tell you they're sorry for stepping over the boundaries, they're really not. What would be really refreshing, though, is if they would just say, "You know what? I don't care enough about what YOU need to get through the day to put my bullshit aside." Seriously.

[Amended to say: See, because if they did that, there wouldn't be any question as to whether you would tell them to stick it up their asses.]
Posted by Broad3:22 PM
How wrong is it
that on my hot, extra-badass new phone it was absolutely imperative that I download "Fart Symphony" as one of my ringtones?

Indeed, I AM a lemming who had to copy Snidgey and get the black Moto Razr. Have you held it in your hands? Pure cell phone hotness. And the ringtones they have under "Hard Rock?" Sublime. I think, as I redo my phonebook, I'm just going to have to assign various tunes to various people. Haven't worked it all out yet, but they have "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour, one of my all-time favorite bands EVER! And both "N.W.O" and "Just One Fix" by Ministry! And "Fantasy" by Aldo Nova! And "Superbeast" by Rob Zombie! (That would have to be Poppy's song, just because we saw Zombie at the Aragon three years ago, made up like death chicks and stoned out of our fool heads. I lost my fake nose ring that night, too, dammit.) Right now my ringtone is set to "E-Pro" by Beck, but I also have "Bark at the Moon" and "Cat Scratch Fever." And Fart Symphony. (Hint: It's not nearly as funny as I'd hoped.)

Speaking of new things, my new skin should be up any second, so watch for it.
Posted by Broad2:00 AM
Thursday, October 27, 2005
It can wait
Here are my choices for tonight: Telling y'all about how Mother not respecting any boundaries I set directly correlates with a decision I made today, or going back to my favorite watering hole at the behest of its owner to partake in revelery at the White Sox' imminent win.

Much to my surprise -- and even more to my delight -- there's really no contest. Nighty-night, y'all.

[UPDATE: Now that they've won, shaddap, you.]
Posted by Broad2:36 AM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Worth more than I make in a year

My blog is worth $22,581.60.
How much is your blog worth?

[Seen at the lovely Julie's as well as the charming Sheri's]
Posted by Broad6:34 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
But why go through all this when all you want is a screw?
When I got home at 4am, boytoy had called, but once again left no message. I sent him an email - no response. He's online now and ignoring me. Of course I would NEVER IM him first. I even feel like I shouldn't have sent the fucking email. The RULES, (Broad), the rules. They are the Bible.

This sucks, I'm going to take some Xanax and drool.

-- Mer on online dating
Posted by Broad2:33 PM
I took my mother to Nordstrom’s and all I got …
was the notion to toss her out of the car by the end of the day yesterday.

See, I HAD the chance to go with Poppy to see the Bears play, but Mother had been DYING to go to Chicago to look for a new purse. Originally, we were supposed to go to Heinous Mark-up for this endeavor, but I talked her out of that by telling her she wouldn't get out of there without spending at least $250, and we all know how freaked out about money she is. So what does she do? She goes and buys a Francesco Biasia for $278. It's her money, so whatever, and it IS a really nice bag. And most of the day was all right, because she was excited to go and in a fairly decent mood, plus I got to pop into Lush and grab me another Buffy and Butterball. But still, after awhile, it was like, "All right, I've seen you HOW MANY DAYS THIS WEEK? You're on my nerves -- especially since it never fails that you manage to somehow bring up Dad's death or Uncle Joe's death in some way, shape or form." Yes, everyone, she's grieving. She's been grieving for FOUR FREAKING YEARS NOW. She will NEVER STOP GRIEVING, of that I can be sure. YOU try it and see how much of it you can stand. Besides, I've never been to a Bears game, and that would've been interesting, especially if we'd have run into TOG.

Speaking of, I haven't talked about him lately, because there hasn't been anything to tell. I haven't seen him since he popped in a couple months ago. Not sure why; he doesn't usually stay a stranger this long. I would hate to think that the last thing he ever said to me was, "Have fun with your bike," though.

Meanwhile, true to NWI form, the weather has fallen straight into the shitter, raining all day and windy, windy, windy. The forecast for tomorrow? About the same. Welcome to fall.
Posted by Broad3:46 AM
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Who lyin’ to me?
I don't THINK I ate anything bizzare last night, so I have no idea why it was that I dreamt this morning of Third Watch -- except the only characters I recognized were Bosco and Faith -- and the episode had the crew going in to an inner city high school dance where there was thought to be drugs, so they also bring K-9s, one of which was an alligator (!) that could climb walls (!!). And the alligator was the one who eventually found the whole shit ton of white, powdery drugs stashed in the ceiling tile; he came out with it his snout. Arrests were made, and all was well with the world. Also, Bosco was going down on a domestic charge, and all the women cops took up the cause against him. Oh, and Dakota Fanning was in the dream, and she was taking an Elizabethan acting class that required her and the other students to figure out how to jump from one side of a cliff to another. No, she didn't fall in, the little scamp.

Yeah, I don't know either, man.

Here's what my favorite dream interpretation site says about alligators:
To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities.

To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge and owning up to.

According to biblical interpretations, an alligator suggests that leviathan is king over the children of pride. (Psa 74:14, Job 41:1,Isa 27:1)

Today's activities include being night reporter and getting my earl changed over at Og's crib. I'm sure beer and merriment will follow.
Posted by Broad4:54 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Highway rulez
As a good journalist (snerk), I receive e-mail from Poynter, the mecca of all journalism sites, and today, one of the guys sent out an awesome one about things we all hate about e-mail. He got the list below from this woman.

(Yes, I'm guilty of several of them. Don't judge me.)
Posted by Broad3:12 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Daaaaaaaaaang …
Anyone catch Nip/Tuck last night!?? I'm STILL trippin'.

Any ideas as to who the Carver is? Could it be Sean? Or is it the anesthesiologist? I thought it might be her at first, but then she wasn't there during the search of Christian's crib, so I don't know why she's be all pissed off at Kit.

Thoughts, anyone?
Posted by Broad2:28 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Getting out the word on a Broader scale
Check this out: There's this new blog devoted to Hoosiers and their politics, etc. -- Lookit. Our new pal Chris had a link to it, so I checked it out and and found that there was plenty of stuff from all over the state of Indiana, but aside from Chris and as per usual, not a dogdamn thing about NWI. So I wrote them and said, "Y'all need more voices from NWI -- how about me!??" And lo! The Trib god (read: the very lovely guy who runs the Trib who also happens to be an ex-reporter himself) looked up the Broad and said, "She is awesome!" and has included me. And -- and! -- he excerpted a portion of my entry about the Mike Doughty show! Must say I'm excited about that, especially since in light of the new redesign that I'm going to be getting in a couple weeks ... (Yes, we're embarking on aNOTHER redesign, but this time Reese is going to do it, and she's not a retard.)

The funny part, though? My entry carried a language advisory of sorts. Think that means I should talk less like a trucker?
Posted by Broad4:03 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
“Fuck off with that coffee song.”
[Tremendous brunettes at the Park West]

For those of you who believe that animals can tell who's cool and who isn't, it seems my boys have picked out my new boyfriend: Snidge's baby bro, who came up with her for the Mike Doughty show this weekend. As it happens usually, Rube is standoffish and glares like an insolent teen at everyone, while the Ween just hides, not to be seen unless running back under the bed after eating or using the can. But with Rlee? Rube was rubbing up against him like they were best pals, while Ween let him touch him. (Ween also nudged Snidge to pet her during the night, but he knows her well enough now.)

It was another stellar visit this weekend. The Snidge family got in about 10-ish Friday night, so what we do? Head to the land of the Hobartians so that Rlee could experience firsthand what Snidge has been telling him about for months. And it didn't fail to disappoint, either, as it never does: The people turning to stare at you as you walk in the bar because you're not indigenous to them thar parts; the near 6-hillbilly brawl out front of Rosie O'Grady's during heavy metal night; the teenagers walking around well after curfew; Benny coming up and calling me his "Irish Rose," also kissing me one too many times. Yep, all there. And he LOVED it. Also, he loved the Vodka and Red Bulls he was tossing back.

After a vile, greasy breakfast at the Flying J in Lake Station, we got back to the crib, where after a mere four hours of rest I was out the door to an early muni meeting. (The message I left on my editor's voicemail: "My mellow has been harshed," followed by something completely unintelligible about that assignment and the second one I was headed to that wouldn't have to be written up for daily unless the retirees started setting the union hall on fire in protest. Luckily, it didn't happen, because I'm getting too old for that shit.) Meanwhile, Snidge and Rlee headed off to Chicago for some tooling around and shopping, so that gave me the perfect opportunity to come home for a four-hour nap. (Don't judge me.) Both showed great restraint with their purchases, except Snidge bought this stuff from Lush that looks like olive drab gelatin, and I was quite disturbed. (Had I known there was going to a trip to Lush, I'd have told her to get me another bar of Buffy the Buttskin Slayer and another Butterball, but that's all right.) I got up, they got back, we all changed clothes and headed back downtown for the show, starting with a lovely dinner at my favorite tapas joint.

If y'all have never been to the Park West for a show, I'd highly recommend it, because it's a great setting, and one that suited my pretend rockstar boyfriend well, because he ROCKED. OUR. SOCKS. (Yes, pheNOMenal, my friend. Thank you for turning Snidgey on to him.) Opened with "Tremendous Brunettes" and stayed tight the whole show. He did this montage of "It's Raining Men" and "Firetruck" that included the riff from "Circles," but he flatly refused to perform it outright, which was cool. It's just too bad that the crowd didn't seem to be into it as much as they should've, because Doughty's got a great stage presence. Stupid trixies. Anyway, one of his encores? Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler."
You got to know when to hold 'em/Know when to fold 'em/know when to walk away and/know when to run./You never count your money/when you�re sittin� at the table./There�ll be time enough for countin� when the dealin�s done.

After we got out of the show, Snidge had a hankering for sushi, so we popped into the sushi joint next door for some tempura and California rolls, which were all right according to them, but not as good as some of the M-Town places. Since I'm not a huge sushi connoisseur, I had no reference point as to what's good or not, but the joint DID play techno music, which was kind of funny. Then it was onward home, but not before searching through the ghetto for a place that Snidge could use the toilet for the 15th time. (We ended up at a McDonald's on the state line where the toilets were in a trailer outside. At that point, she didn't care.)

And with that, notable quotables after the jump:
Posted by Broad10:52 PM
Page 1 of 2 pages  1 2 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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