Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Welcome to my world
Today was one of those days that went from 0-60 in, like, 10 minutes, which sounds like it would be oh-so-slow but really wasn't, because in my biz, that usually signifies that the shit has hit the fan and plans have changed. But then when they did -- in this case, I got a third story -- it all stopped and dragged ass. So basically, I spent the whole day discombobulated, and tomorrow's not going to be much better.

So after all this discombobulation, Mother calls to tell me about the wake she went to yesterday for this former neighbor of hers who used to take care of my grandpa when he got ill. Not surprisingly, she was on warp speed -- what can I say, funerals excite her -- but this time, it wasn't necessarily because of the funeral itself; seems that Mother got a taste of her own medicine at the hands of one of my aunts. Lemme break it all down: The aunt, the wife of Mother's oldest brother, was talking to this priest who used to reside at the church to which this woman belonged. Mother walked up to join them, and I guess said aunt decided to introduce Mother as "the sister-in-law who doesn't go to church." Now, if you've garnered anything from my rants about Mother, you know that that was the absolute LOWEST insult that could've been thrown at her outside of claiming she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night. (She was. BeLIEVE me, she was.) "I belonged to St. Tom's for 32 years and I want to register at St. Mary's but it's not like I can just get there just like thatya-da-ta-ya-da-ta-ya-da-ta ... " she rattled on the phone. But did she say that to her sister-in-law? Of course not. She hung her head in shame, and the priest put his hand on her shoulder to console her in her minute of crippling embarassment. Sure it was incredibly rude; this particular aunt caught the ass-end of my ire right before Dad's funeral, in fact, for saying something about how Mother needed to get his class ring and any other valuables Dad might've had on him so the funeral people won't steal them -- you know, because a) the funeral people would have use for Dad's college ring and b) Mother and I are complete idiots who wouldn't have thought to do that*. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy it when Mother gets to try on MY shoes when it happens. Anyway, to her credit, apparently she snapped out of it and gave a eulogy of sorts for the woman.

Meanwhile, I'm back to feeling all philosophical and weirded out by the TOG exchange, especially after watching Nip/Tuck last night. I mean, for as much shit as I allow him to get away with, I can't EVER fathom being turned on by such degradation. Guess I got THAT going for me.**
Posted by Broad10:25 PM
That was some unbeLIEEEEEvable television
Nip/Tuck, y'all. Flabby Abby the masochist!?? If I had smiley icons, there would be one of stunned adorning this entry. Ho.lee. SHIT. Plus, there was a lot of fuckin' goin on, and that of course is never wrong.

I have more thoughts on Flabby Abby appropos to my state of mind the past couple of days, but I'm tired right now, and I got three stories tomorrow. I'll catch up when I'm done.
Posted by Broad3:12 AM
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sometimes, it takes very little
I came back from my assignment tonight and saw that my TV, which I left on A&E, appeared to be dead -- on, but just a black screen. (Yes, yes, I leave my TV on all day and night. You know, in case the boys need to watch it while I'm gone or asleep and shit.) Now, I know my TV, a 19' Admiral my folks bought me from Montgomery Ward eight years ago, has a bad tube (read: everything is red), but I was like, "God, not now, when I just got out from under my soul-crushing debt -- and certainly not when I'm into Nip/Tuck so hot and heavy." I flipped channels, but all my VHF channels are fine. And I know my bill's paid and current, so I called cable to see if something's up.

Long story short? I'm getting channels I'm not supposed to be getting with just plain ol' basic. Many, MANY more. The CSR didn't know how it was happening, that I just must be lucky. Ain't THAT some shit!? Of course now, one of two things is going to happen: The channels are either going to all go away and I'm going to be pissed without my Nip/Tuck, or they're going to start charging me for my good fortune, which I'll be pissed about because it's THEIR fuck-up, not mine. But hey! it's good while it lasts, right? Anything to stick it to Corporate America. And they're back on now, too.

Got to see the Northwest Indiana Symphony Chorus perform Handel's Messiah at St. Michael's Church in Schererville today, and here's something I don't get: How is it that one of the most beautiful oratorios ever written sung in a church didn't move me, but Griffith High School's band playing the opening sequence to "The Incredibles" had me in tears (and no, they didn't suck)!? I mean, hell, last week, the Lake Central Choralettes singing "The National Anthem" hit me in the chest, but Messiah? Nothing.
Posted by Broad2:18 AM
Sunday, November 27, 2005
And you know what the worst part is
about the whole exchange with TOG? I'M the one who's feeling bad about it, as if I did something horribly wrong to upset the balance of the universe, and so I totally want to apologize and make sure everything's all right. I SHOULDN'T, however, because then I risk making things worse.
Posted by Broad3:12 PM
What did I doooo!?? WHAT DID I DOOOO!!?
(she says, dropping to her knees like in those cell phone commercials, then beating her head on the floor.)

Tell me something: Why is it that I can't have just ONE DAY where I have no responsibilities other than what I want to do -- which, in this case, was just sitting around the house doing nothing but drinking Pepsi and watching TV after a morning story and a nice lunch with Poppy!?? I was in for the night when I finally decided to answer Mother's seventh call of the day; she called to tell me that she needed pills picked up. (Before anyone jumps on my shit gets the wrong idea, it's a medication that she didn't absolutely, 100 percent need until Sunday, and believe me, I know aaaaaall about her meds and what she needs immediately and what she doesn't.) Oops, I forgot, along with the appointment I made at Marathon to have them look at my tire, which got really low on Thanksgiving, but Ok, I'll get them, I said, to which she promptly starts going on about how she's soooo worried about my tire and how I need to get that looked at before winter sets in, wonkwonkwonkwonk, then asks if I would then pick her up a pack of Orbit gum along with her meds because she doesn't want my aunt to complain about her breath tomorrow when they go out for lunch. (I almost said "Obit." How's THAT for a Freudian slip!?). Well, I got caught up in AMW -- again, she doesn't need these pills until tomorrow -- so as I'm picking them up, I get my eighth call of the day. I call her back:
Her: Where ARE you!??
Me: I'm on my way; I'll be there in five minutes.
Her: Did you get you get the gum?
Me: ... shit. I'll stop at the gas station.
Her: I TOLD you to get me gum.
Me: I said I'll stop at the gas station. It's not that big a deal. Really.

I get there, and she tells me to grab the last piece of pumpkin pie. As I'm putting whipped cream on it, she hands me her checkbook to write out her rent check -- you know, the one THAT ISN'T DUE FOR ANOTHER WEEK, because it must be done RIGHT NOW. Sigh. Where's a pen? I ask, and then she's all like, "I don't know what I did to you." I tell her, "Nothing," but she gets all whipped-puppy like. Ok, yeah, I DID say that she should call in the pills today; I just didn't sweat it because she said she had one to take in the morning and wouldn't need it until Sunday.

Just one lousy day to myself, is all I ask. Is that so wrong?

And THEN there's TOG, who gets all pissy with me because, as we were having a little saucy talk over e-mail, I kid that he's talking to some hot chick online. (CONTEXT: Without getting into details -- shutUP, you -- I was asking what he was doing home when he COULD be with me, unless he was talking to some hot chick online.) The correct (and funny) response to that would be "The only hot chick I'm talking to is you," regardless of whether I was or wasn't, or to just not say anything at all. But no, he gets all, "See? You gotta kill the mood," and I'm all, "Um ... wasn't trying to ..." and then he tells me he's going to bed because he's falling asleep. Oooooo-kay, then. Fine time to tell me that's a sore spot; that'll REALLY encourage me to indulge in saucy talk the next time, but whatever.

Stupid boys and their periods ...
Posted by Broad9:35 AM
Saturday, November 26, 2005
My pretend rockstar boyfriend says …
Power pop is where its at musically these days, and he highly recommends Morningwood, which you can buy off iTunes or catch here at their myspace gig. The lead singer kind of reminds me of the lead singer for Lush on the one tune and a little bit of Romeo Void on the other (when she talks -- you know, like on "Never Say Never.") I'm digging it -- very NYC hipster. I expect we'll hear them on The O.C. soon.

Posted by Broad3:18 AM
Friday, November 25, 2005
I’m thankful for …
Waldorf red cake and South Park.

Gobble gobble to all, yo.
Posted by Broad3:29 AM
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Code monkey and the elephants
Took Mother to the circus today -- not as an outing, but because I was covering it, although with as much as she enjoyed it, youda thunk it was her idea. Still, as much as I hate the idea of animals in captivity, etc., etc., I totally dug it. I mean, people, I was standing five feet away from TWO REAL LIVE ELEPHANTS. Do you have any idea how beautiful elephants are? Oh my God, they're amazing. And I know there've been bad things said about George Cardin and the way he treats his animals and all that, but all the ones I saw looked perfectly healthy and well taken care of. As he put it, "You can't buy an elephant for less than $180,000 these days, so if I'm going to make that kind of investment, do you really think I'm going to mistreat it even if I hated it, which I don't? No. That's like putting a Rolls Royce Corniche in the mud and leaving it there."

Ok, not the most sensitive way to look at it, but I can hang. Besides, THEY WERE ELEPHANTS! AND I WAS STANDING FIVE FEET AWAY FROM THEM! The photog from the competition was all like, "You need to get out more," but I was like, "Yeah, I know you think you're funny, but ..." Then there were these Russian chicks calling themselves "The Golden Divas doing human pyramid stuff. I told the photog that even though you wouldn't know it to look at me, I looked like those chicks in my bathing suit. My t1ts are as big, anyway.

So, does anyone know how to create a page in MT 3.16 that tells commenters they're being moderated? The other day, I decided to add to my Blacklist a common comment left by spammer dicks, effectively cutting off 191 of them but also all my commenters while I was at it. I then went back and changed the setting on that phrase to "moderate," and now everyone can comment again upon my approval. It's just that when you DO comment, you get this error about choosing a moderate template. I'd be greatly apperciative.
Posted by Broad3:24 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Figures I miss the best part of the whole evening
Found out yesterday that the best part of the ball happened just as I was making the mad dash to my car.

Each year, the chamber gives out "of the Year" awards to cops, paramedics and firefighters, and the dude who took over the Lake County Convention and Visitors Bureau, Speros Batistatos, was chosen to hand out the firefighter awards, right? Well, I'm told by several people that as ol' Speros took the stage to annouce the recipients, he scolded attendees who were still browsing at the silent auction table to sit down and that "wasn't going to tell (them) again"; after all, these men deserved everyones' full attention. That's right: He got up on stage with a microphone and scolded grown men and women to sit down. Needless to say, the grown-ups didn't take too kindly to being scolded at an event for which they paid $100 per couple.
Posted by Broad12:07 AM
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Got scooped on a story I covered over the summer. Bleh.
Posted by Broad2:39 PM
Monday, November 21, 2005
Sorry, no photographic evidence of my looking like a girl last night, particularly because of the following:

1. My hair, which is in this awful 'tweener stage of I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-it-so-
I'm-kind-of-growing-it-out-except-now-it's-reminding-me-of-why-I-don't do-that-ever, looked like shit by time I remembered the camera. I mean, one side of it was holding kind of while the other completely fell. (Yeah, I know everyone thinks my hair looks the same at all times, but trust me, there's little that can be done right now. My mousse is too weak to give it any body, but my other goo is too heavy to hold it up, and then it ends up all gummy and gluey and not shiny unless I add some of this to it, but doing that wipes out any hold I might've has with the other stuff, and it's just pandemonium.) and,
2. My suit, though nice, is too long in the arms and pants, so since I didn't have time to have it altered, I looked like I was swimming in a sea of black. Also, the jacket, besides being too long in the arms, seems really overwhelming even though it fits nice in the shoulders. Not sure if it needs darts in the sides or something, but there's something just not right.

The good news is, I found two gorgeous antique pins at the antique show I covered in Crown Point today. Now if only someone can tell me where the hell to pin them, because they look dumb on the lapel.

Of course the ball didn't disappoint in the matters of fashion atrocities; it IS NWI, after all. Lessee ... it took merely walking up to the reg desk to see the poor sap who bought into the "Yeah-you-can-wear-it-again" bridesmaid ensemble (and in burgundy, too. I don't think it gets more cliche than that). There was also "bought-in-the-prom-dress-section-on-clearance," a vibrant melon strapless confection with a silver glitter-covered sweetheart bodice and a long shawl to match -- she even had the updo to match! -- and one we don't see often, the "interesting-Asian-dress-that-ol'-girl-built-like-a-brick-shithouse -really-shouldn't-think-about-pulling-off." One woman showed up in cream wool pants and a smart pink sweater set, while her husband was wearing tux. And don't EVEN get me started on the scads of women who still think it's Ok to wear hose with open-toe shoes. Fer chrissake, ladies, do you REALLY think wearing fabric not more than 1/10th of a millimeter thick IS GOING TO KEEP YOU WARM IN NWI!?? Seriously.
Posted by Broad3:41 AM
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Spammer jerks, and other assorted ramblings
Dang, what is UP with all the spam I'm getting!?? Do you know that one of them used MY OWN WEB ADDRESS, so when I went to de-spam, it was added to the MT spammer jerk clearinghouse!?? Bastards. I guess after the holidays, I'm going to have to ditch the bitch and make the switch to EE after all.

In the story I wrote yesterday, the speaker (Rudy Lopez, a pal o'mine) made the comment, "They think that just because the candidate's name ends in -ez, every rice and bean eater is going to come out and vote for them." I asked Rudy if I could quote him on that, and he said "Yeah." So I wonder why the copy desk cut out that part?*

Tonight is the Merrillville Town Ball, and once again I get to cover it for an hour before I have to split to make deadline. This year's ensemble? A black suit I bought last night when Tara and I had a total girls' night of shopping and eating out. I'll post pics.

Speaking of shopping, how wrong is it that I don't completely hate Britney's "Fantasy" perfume? It smells just like cotton candy.
Posted by Broad3:10 PM
Friday, November 18, 2005
More marketing moronity
Driving to Poppy's yesterday, and what do I see but a big fancy white Hemi truck with its business advertising all up on it. The name of the business? "Rolling Stone Masonry." "Clever," I think, for an NWI business.


My editor's going to send me the story I did on what happens to businesses who don't do their due diligence before choosing a company name, but basically, if you get caught using a company's name, likeness or anything about it, it's called trademark dilution, and you're screwed: Lookit. And the penalties ain't cheap. At the very least, the Rolling Stones could send a "cease and desist"; if he's smart, homie would change his truck, letterhead and all other facets of his business -- a huge expense, as the subjects of my story found out. But we've already established he's not by virtue of using the trademark in the first place, so if he doesn't get rid of it, the fines start about $250,000, as I recall.

I wish I'd gotten where this cat's out of, because I'd have no qualms sending him a letter instructing him of his dumbass-ness.

[UPDATE: See story below.]
Posted by Broad4:45 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Jeezy Creezy, behold this marketing nightmare
Going through my e-mail this morning, and I took a gander at Al's Morning Meeting, like I'm wont to do. (AMM, for those who've never been, is a journalist newsletter that provides topics from all over the country.) The first topic this morning was about how these t-shirts with a snowman on them are getting banned in schools; this rapper inexplicably named Jeezy uses them as his logo. Thing is, "snowman" apparently means "drug dealer" in certain circles, so schools are all freaked out about it.

The following is what Master Jeezy said to Mtv in defense of his logo:
'You gotta understand what it symbolizes,' he explained. 'It symbolizes a young hustler. If a cat goes and gets fresh, hits the club or goes to an event and he has a Snowman shirt on, it's almost like a white tee. You can throw on a white tee and G your way through the party. You might have a Snowman shirt on and it's all good. Everybody can't afford the Gucci and everything. It's the next best thing, the Snowman.

'Snowman is a cool dude,' he continued. 'He's a gangsta too. There's a Snowman in every 'hood, several Snowmen in the 'hood. You gotta be that dude to look up to with the car and the girl. Whatever you do, be the best at it, because that's what the Snowman is going to do.'

Posted by Broad2:09 PM
Now, that’s what I’M talking about
You know what I totally haven't talked about since it aired? The Nip/Tuck storyline with Christian and his birth mother (nicely played by Kathy Baker).

(Before I do, though, anyone watch Dog: The Bounty Hunter? Get a load of the jugs on Dog's wife, man! Holy crap, them's ain't right.)

Seriously, did you really think I'd let that go unnoticed? And HOPING I would doesn't count, so ...

Anyway, no, I'm not all freaked out and outraged that she told him she couldn't be his mother. In fact, I wish I could've had that kind of honesty. (Instead, I got this crap, for those of you who're still new to the saga). But it's a well-played storyline, and I'm all about it.

And after Tuesday's episode, I'm convinced Quentin's the Carver. Anyone care to discuss?
Posted by Broad2:46 AM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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