Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Monday, January 30, 2006
“Who’s drinking with me!??”
I've discovered the reason why my face looks so ginormous in pictures: As I was brushing my teeth this morning before getting Snidgey off to O'Hare, I noticed this crease when I stretched my mouth to get the back molars. It's not a dimple -- I already have those -- but maybe a smile line or worse, a weak spot in the fat of my face that collapses each time I smile. Whatever it is, it better not be permanent once I decide to actively lose weight, because then, any effort I make will be for naught because my face would still look massive.

The rest of the weekend was just as cool as Friday night, except for the dance contest, which Snidgey obviously has yet to forgive me for. We stopped at a little boutique in Schererville prior to that nightmare, and she bought a lovely plum cami while I purchased a completely uncharacteristic (but totally cute, I love it) sweater and a t-shirt with a sequined lollipop and the word "blow" embroidered on it. Then we met up with KleptoCat (her nom de blog has changed yet again) for Thai food and made an appearance at the Overdue show, where Snidgey got to meet my pals from November's Doom and basically drive all the men kray-zee.

Speaking of which, whey does this not surprise me in the least?
Posted by Broad4:22 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
“And why do they gotta pick such stupid songs?”
If I have to see one more hooched-up girl, I swear ...

-- Snidgey as we left the IHSDTA Dance competition I covered this afternoon
Posted by Broad8:37 PM
Peachball and the introduction of Klepto
After a long, hard night of drinking and drunk sleepwalking into my room thinking it was the bathroom, Snidge has finally roused herself off the couch. Her first words:
Oh God.

We're pretty sure there was no vomiting this time, but since she tends to barf quietly, it's anyone's guess.

The night started off at Three Floyds Brewery in Munster, where I must wholeheartedly endorse their summer brew named Peachball -- holy shit, that's some good, strong stuff. Very nice for those who can't quite appreicate the taste of just plain ale. This is where Snidge was also introduced to a broad who shall forever more be referred to as Klepto because of her propensity to steal the remaining eyeball off a ceramic Persian cat in the bathroom of another bar we went to. Long live Klepto!

The weekend certainly isn't over yet, so I'm sure there'll be more to report.
Posted by Broad5:16 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
Snidge is supposed to be in at 10:30 …
I'm picking her up at O'Hare. Yet I'm sitting here posting this post, and my house is not yet clean (which, if you know me, is really a tall order). I guess it's a really good thing that I've never touted myself as anything less than a bachelorette. Sigh.
Posted by Broad1:48 PM
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
You’re going to wish you were me Tuesday
Covering Blue Chip Casino's grand opening of their yoogemongous new boat Tuesday, and guess who the celebrity guest is?
Posted by Broad7:07 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Since I’m going to hell anyway

The commercials kill me -- what can I do!??

See many more atrocities against religion here: Lookit [Found via the sacriligious mac]
Posted by Broad4:58 PM
The one in which I laugh at the stupidity of boys
My new favorite word today: Assbag.

But I shall regale you with my tale tomorrow, for I am tired and full of fantastic Mexican food from El Taco Real. My GOD, thas some good eatin'.
Posted by Broad3:46 AM
Saturday, January 21, 2006
You know, I like The Jerry Springer Show as much as the next idiot
but this? Is retarded.

Posted by Broad2:13 AM
Friday, January 20, 2006
Last words
Still no official word if Maust is dead dead or not, but here's the suicide note as reprinted by the P-T. It's really very sad.
Posted by Broad1:27 PM
Thursday, January 19, 2006
This just in …
Serial killer David Maust hanged himself in the Lake County Jail early this morning. Some reports have him dead, while others say he's on life support.

Full report in the P-T tomorrow.

[UPDATE: Word from the desk is he apparently is dead now. Poor bastard.]

[UPDATE #2: Well now, rumor has it that Maust DIDN'T finish the job but is brain dead. Thing is, he's in a Catholic hospital, so it'll be interesting to see whether or not they pull the plug or not. Poor bastard.]
Posted by Broad7:44 PM
“The truth about ‘roni/she a sweet ol’ girl”
I just stopped over at Snidgey's to throw down my mad lyric-remembering skillz to prove that I remember the bridge to "Tenderoni" by Bobby Brown, he of the "I help Whitney Houston's constipation by sticking my hand up her ass and pulling out the shit" fame. I should be very afraid of what that says, shouldn't I!??
Posted by Broad2:21 PM
Truncated thoughts on the Golden Globe fashions …
Is it just me, or does anyone else want to pop actress Emmy Rossum in the face!?? I swear, every time I see her, I just want pummel her and smash her stupid little head into the ground. Don't know what it is.

Geena Davis -- A vision in red. HOT.
Marcia Cross -- Coral does NOT go with your coloring, no matter what your stylist says.
Who punched Scarlet Johanssen in the mouth!??
Alanis makes enough money, so what was up with the see-thru burlap sack? (and where was her hot fiance!?)
Posted by Broad5:33 AM
Crisis averted. Sort of
How am I supposed to know what it's like to date a real human? My last several boyfriends have been gorillas.

-- Mer

Talked to her a bit ago, and yes, she seems to have calmed down a bit (after calling off sick -- if asked, she's telling her boss she had explosive diarrhea, and ain't no WAY you can teach with that shit, no pun intended). Wouldn't go so far as to say she's completely together yet, but after talking to her some more (when she's not completely outraged which, though funny, is hard), I understand better where she's coming from. When she says that this relationship is the best one she's ever had, she's literally not kidding. (I mean, when Zook is considered a catch? Please.) To put a finer point on it, for example, this is a woman who's used to her former mouthbreathers calling her constantly, and not in the good way. So talk about not knowing what to do when something you wouldn't know if it bit you in the ass just took a huge chunk.

He did call tonight, though she didn't talk to him; she's decided to be a bit, ahem, "unavailable" this weekend, which I don't necessarily think is the best way to handle it, but whatever. He called, and that's the main thing.
Posted by Broad4:21 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
This is why I say, ‘Who needs men when you have cats!??’
I submit to you a dilemma posed by Mer, who needs relationship advice and has asked me to ask my normal, functioning friends their take, but first, did y'all see American Idol tonight? Did you see the freakshow at the very end, the one with the blonde Pippi Longstocking wig and Dorothy dress? That's the one I interviewed. And how about the one who looked like Tina Turner!?? Saw her live -- or was that a dude!?? Because s/he sure looked like one on stage. And I vaguely remember seeing the Statue of Liberty guy, too, but at that point, I was probably just too bitter at being up at 4:30 a.m. in the rain and cold.

And now, on to our dilemma.

Suppose you've been dating this guy for five weeks, and everything's been going swimmingly, better than any relationship in which you've ever been involved, bar none. You're going to spend the weekend with him like you've been doing for the previous four weeks, but you've promised one of your friends that you'd go out with her at some point over the weekend. Guy says, "Have fun," and you go out with your friend. As you and your friend are wrapping up the evening, you call guy and tell him you're on your way back to his crib to which he replies, "Cool, see you when you get here." But when you get there, you ring his buzzer, and he doesn't answer ... for at least a half hour, and you're standing in the snow and cold. Seething and not a little drunk, you catch a cab back to your own crib.
Posted by Broad3:53 AM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Her big, fat Greek dinner
I was too busy shoveling it into my mouth trying not to look at the suction cups on everything. But at least the fish didn't have eyeballs.

-- Mer on eating Greek food with her new boyfriend.
Posted by Broad7:06 PM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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