Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Buyer’s remorse
Remember how I was all excited about my new bag? Yeah. All of a sudden, I'm kinda sorta bugged out, because it's a bag that was a new style for Fall 2004. I mean, I still love it and all, but dude, Fall 2004.

Is that shallow?
Posted by Broad1:57 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
It was only a matter of time
So, in all the rest of the family stuff lately, did I mention that BFKAS got Crazy Aunt a job at her place of employ? Yeah, two women who have a history of going for long periods of time cursing each other's names working in the same office. I didn't have high hopes for it then, and I certainly don't now after the call I just got from CA.

Cousin Nancy, who I haven't talked about in awhile, and her boyfriend are renting his mom's crib while she's out of state, and they've gotten their shit together from over the summer; the boyfriend's got a decent job, and it's all good, except Cousin Nancy hasn't gone back to school yet. (She's technically a junior, and she left about this time last year because of some nonsense or another.) Well, when BFKAS and I were talking a couple weeks ago, we talked about how she thought Nancy was avoiding her, because Nancy knows that BFKAS would give her a talking-to about not being in school. Then I, like a dumbass, mentioned to Nancy in passing when we were chatting about how BFKAS and I have been getting along so well that BFKAS thinks she's been avoiding her for that reason. And of course Nancy gets her "Well, she doesn't want to hear what I would say to that, because she doesn't run my life, blah blah blah" bravado up like any 19 year-old would. Long story short, BFKAS has allegedly said something to Nancy's little brother that he repeated to her, and now, CA is all up in arms because Nancy's depressed and she thinks BFKAS is trying to butt in to her business, etc. etc., and yoy! Here we go.

See, having been raised as an only child, this is the kind of stuff for which I'm not wired -- well, Ok I guess I shouldn't say that, because I do get how families work with all the talking behind each other's backs and what have you. But the experience I've had has always been between relatives with at least a little distance so you're not up in their grill all the time, usually. This sibling thing I just do.not.get, and that's why I'm so reluctant to mend fences with my sister: I'm really afraid that we're not going to be able to get along like grown-ups, only instead of fighting in the family, it extends to outside people, and not that they particularly give a shit, but still, it gets uncomfortable and weird for everyone else when you have a couple people fighting, right? I just don't want to do it.

That's why retail therapy helps. Behold, the new bag:
Posted by Broad9:31 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Rules of engagement
For those of you who aren't quite clear on the concept of how blogging works, let me explain something to you: I pay money each month to maintain this site. I also pay money to have it designed, and I pay for the domain name. Therefore, since I'm putting all this money into it, I get to talk about whatever I want. This is the way it is, and it's not changing.
Posted by Broad2:33 PM
Friday, February 24, 2006
Sister, sister (Madre Mia!)
She gave him her heart, and he talked about a boil on his ass -- specifically the crack.

No, no back story here. But this seriously happened to someone I know, and really, do you need to hear more than that to form an opinion!?? Didn't think so. But let that serve as another lesson as to what not to discuss with your woman unless you've been married for a zillion years.

So, where to start, where to start ... oh yeah. I met my other half sister the other day, and guess what I discovered!?? I discovered that there's probably not an apporopriate time or place on God's green earth to drop on someone that you may be their half sibling. My inappropriate place? A labor rally at my alma mater -- I was covering it, and two young ladies from our local congressman's office showed up to offer support. I asked them their names, and when the little girl with the dark hair and groovy glasses told me what it was, my stomach dropped, because it was the exact same name of the alleged sperm donor's other daughter. So, I pulled her aside and said, "Your dad wouldn't happen to be (Alleged Sperm Donor), would it?" And she scowled and said, "Yeah. Why?" And I said, "Well ... rumor has it that he may be my dad, too." Poor girl turned white as a sheet and got tears in her eyes, and at some point she said, "My God, you look just like him." Anyway, we talked a few moments, and then we exchanged info and said we'd keep in touch. That was Tuesday, and I haven't heard from her -- at least, not yet, anyway, which is perfectly cool. In fact, as I thought about it, I realized that I owed her an apology for springing it on her as I did. It went like this:
Hey, [redacted] –

Now that you’ve had a couple days to digest potentially having a sister, I hope this finds you in a better frame of mind. I mean, nothing like long-lost relatives crawling out of the woodwork and showing up on the proverbial doorstep, right? That's what I'm saying.

So listen, I wanted first and foremost to apologize for dropping all of this on you the way I did. As exciting and bizarre as all of it is, I should’ve thought it through better before approaching you, and if I upset you or freaked you out in any way, I’m truly sorry. It’s a lot to handle.

That's the other thing: I wanted to make sure you know that just because we may or may not be related, I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to be anything to me, because you're not. True, it would be really cool to have a little sister (that I actually like -- wait, what? Who said that!?? wink ). But speaking from experience, it's hard for me to quantify how truly challenging it is getting to know people who share genetics and calling them "family," and if you're like, "Whoa! Not ready to deal with it and not sure I'll ever be ready," I could never fault you for it. This is your show, and after this e-mail, I'm leaving it up to you to contact me if or when you're ready.

(Incidentally, if you do decide you want to contact me but want to check me out first, I encourage you to do so. In fact, for starters, I know [the congressman] himself as well as [the congressman's press flack] out in DC, and as far as I know, we're all good. But seriously, do what you need to do. Nothing to hide here, except perhaps for really rotten credit.)

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

Take care,

P.S. In case you're curious, my blood type is A-negative, and I'm relatively healthy, if overweight (normal blood pressure, but bad cholesterol). You know, in case you find yourself in need of kidney or liver or something. Heh.

If she doesn't get a hold of me, I'm totally cool with that, which is huge because I thought I'd be like all, "Waaaaah, I'm cool! Doesn't she want a cool big sister like me?" But it seriously isn't about all that. From what I know, she's an only child, too, and it really is hard to be a sibling when you've never been one before (hell, I STILL don't know how to do it) and she may not want to learn. She's also quite a bit younger than I am -- 25 to my 36 -- so at this point, what would we really have in common besides a sperm donor we don't know and respect even less? I will say that aside from working in our esteemed congressman's office, she's also working toward her master's in something or other, which I'm like, "Excellent!"

You know who also was really excited about it for me? BFKAS. I KNOW, right!?? She was like, "Good for HER!" because all she's heard about her from the Fighting Macedonians is that she was trash and has already been married several times and all kinds of other crap.

Prior to all this, got an e-mail from SC. (I'm telling you, it's been a week over here in Chez Broad.) See, I'd e-mailed BFKAS and asked about my nephew and niece and the kind of stuff they like, and when she replied, she addressed only one part of the e-mail that wasn't about the kids, so immediately I was like, "Ok, I'll be hearing from her in 3, 2, 1 ..." Sure enough, the e-mail showed up later that evening. It was fairly pleasant, actually. She said that she has reservations about talking to me, as she suspects I do about her, and that we'll need to take it slow and I'll have to understand if she's guarded, but she'll try to keep an "open mind," and then she launched into the stuff I asked about the kidlets. So after I let my rancor bubble for a moment (open mind? seriously?), I responded that I was down with the slow thing and that I was glad to see the kidlets are happy and healthy and smart.

Open mind, my ass.
Posted by Broad9:42 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Original content TK, but for now, tell me something I didn’t already know





























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with

[Fonded at Frankie's]
Posted by Broad10:44 PM
Me and Snidgey are the same again …
Broad --

A real life muppet

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at

[From the Headcase, yo!]
Posted by Broad2:39 AM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
TOG: I'll be there, waiting.
Me: With a boo-kay of flowers and a heart-shaped box of candy.
TOG: And the cops. For stalking.

-- The one guy on his sick, sick love for Marg Helgenberger

Posted by Broad4:01 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006
Sometimes I do really enjoy my brother
In my e-mail box today: Lookit

Cracked my shit up, yo.
Posted by Broad4:30 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Beware the House of Dada
Don't you hate it when you purchase something online, only to have the seller tell you the item you want is out of stock but that she'll make you a new one and send it out, except she doesn't send it and doesn't answer your e-mails as to whether she's going to send it? I do, too, so that's why I'm going to tell y'all to avoid craft Web site Dadahaus like the freakin' plague.

See, I got the idea to buy something from them from Miss Doxie after she did her splendid recap of all things crafty for Christmas, and so I went there and found a ring with "Wtf?" engraved on it, which I thought would be perfect for our Snidge, right? Well, that was January 19, and the only time I've ever heard from the site's owner, Kelly, was on the 25th when she told me the ring wasn't in stock and that she would make me one and have it to me by the 3rd. It's now the 15th, and no word despite my trying to get in touch with her twice. So then I went to the Dadahaus Web site, and it has some message up about how they've shut the store down to get ready for some crafting expo or something. That's fine, but either ship the damn ring or tell me you can't do it. It's real simple. Anyway, I've already filed a dispute with PayPal to get a refund.

Meanwhile, in an example of better customer service, my hair has been fixed and is now presentable again. Did I tell y'all about how last month I strayed from EWK and had a girl at Mother's shop cut my hair? Well ... the good news is, she made it look different, which is what I wanted. The not-so-good? She cut my sides straight instead of at an angle, giving me what looked like earmuffs. Not at all pretty, despite Poppy's attempts to tell me otherwise, bless her heart. Well, he redid my highlights a week after the cut and said that he would fix it if I wanted, but that I should let it grow and do its thing so he can fix it next cut. Tonight was that cut, and all's right with the world. Now, I just have to keep myself from going after my bangs, which are longer than they've been in YEARS ...

[UPDATE 2/17: Kelly wrote back and refunded my money -- said there's been a family circumstance. That's cool, but Snidge sure did like the idea of that ring ...]
Posted by Broad4:55 AM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Not that there’s anything wrong with this

[Courtesy of this poor bastard]
Posted by Broad8:20 PM
And the last one in the group … Kcat!

Woo woo! Have a plum one for me!

[Rock Scissor Paper image, yada yada yada]
Posted by Broad4:46 AM
Monday, February 13, 2006
Bridget Fonda in Single White Female, I ain’t
For those of you who, like me, are fascinated by who you resemble or may be in your family tree, do what Snidgey and I did: Lookit So far, one picture says I look 51 percent like her, and another says I look like this by 63 percent.

To further complicate matters, BFKAS is 68 percent THIS.
Posted by Broad5:14 PM
When it’s just best to shut your big yap, boys
It's been my weekend to hear about stupid boys and how they suck sometimes, starting with Mer's new ex-love.

Yup, that's right, Mer and the normal boyfriend are no more. Wanna know why? Because he dumped her. Why did he dump her? Because he said she was too insecure and clingy and he came to realize that even though he wants a family, he's not sure she's what he wants, but hey! he really likes hanging out with her and can they work out a compromise? Oh yeah, and she's too passionate about issues that she shouldn't care about, like, oh, colonization in Northern Ireland or the plight of the Slovenian gypsies and other oppressed Balkan people, for example. HE, in the meantime, is a self-proclaimed liberal and passionate about the issues too, you know, such as LITTERING (I'm not making it up y'all -- that's what she said). But yeah, he still wants to see her because they have FUN. Mmm-hmmm. I'll bet. Well, Mer, with the pride befitting a Leo and half and much, MUCH to her credit, tore a couple strips off the poor bastard and fed them to him without the benefit of cooking them first.

While all that was going on, Poppy rings in and tells me her brother and SIL are pregnant. Which is cool, she's happy for them and so on and so forth. But she and her husband are also trying to get pregnant, and she feels like little brother beat her to the punch, unintentional though it was since he doesn't know there were punches in the first place. So she was telling her hubby how she felt, and he was all like "God, I can't believe you're competing with your family." And it's like, Dude, that's not even it. I mean, people CAN be happy for other people while feeling sad for themselves. They're mutually exclusive -- what's so hard to understand about that?

Oh, and one last thing: I've been reading at a couple different sites that there's a site out there where the author is giving out her own awards and that it's turned rather snarky. What I want to know is, why is it that the bloggers who're bitchy like that are the ones that can't either punctuate or spell for crap? Seriously.
Posted by Broad2:10 AM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
And I totally thought it was tomorrow …
2006 birthdays_edited.jpg

To my darling Snidgey, who has a new may-aaaaaaaan. Sort of. We'll see. But anyway, you GO, grrrrrrl.

[Image by the fine folks @ Rock Scissors Paper]
Posted by Broad9:13 PM
I just need one black and white striped towel. Is that so wrong!??
I need it to go with my new shower curtain, which I bought earlier:

new shower curtain.jpg

Total departure from what I was originally attracted to, but it works. But I can't find a plain black and white striped towel to save my damn life, though. What is UP with this!?? Sheesh.
Posted by Broad4:53 AM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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