Could somebody please tell me where my damn paycheck is? For the last month or so, it’s been showing up on Monday or Tuesday, so that’s been more than cool. But now it’s Thursday, and I have bills to pay, clothes to get and company this weekend, so it probably would behoove me to have more than cauliflower and months-old milk in the fridge. I mean, Thursday or Friday is usually when it gets here, so it’s not technically late really, but just remembering what happened to my finances the last times my check was late does nothing but add to the anxiety of an already not-in-a-good-way bizarre week.
[UPDATE 3/14: My check did arrive, and it’s bigger than I was anticipating, so that’s a pleasant surprise AND one less thing for me to be freaked out about.]
Our ol’ friend Kaffy has a question, because she’s a heathen Protestant and does not understand the mysteries of the Catholic church:
I would like the opinions of your readers, please.
I should also mention that Kaffy wants to know how to get her pervy special ed student to stop feeling her up with his face.
Have at it, folks.
-- Girlie, laughing at my latest examples of social retardation
Word of advice to your mothers: If y’all ever get the hankering to send someone a racy text message, I am NOT the person to ask help in crafting it. Also, I’m really wondering exactly when it was that I turned into such a huge dork.*
Any of you who were thinking about sitting through all those episodes of “Gone Country” you put on your DVR, Girlie and I (armed with a bottle of champers) spared you the trouble last night. Ima spoil it for you.
Observations:
1) “Save a horse/ride a cowboy”—sorry, John Rich, not when you’re wearing the skins of defenseless animals and rhinestones on your pants. Urban country my ass—you look like a Liberace grape-peeler reject. And get rid of the porno mustache, because that ain’t gonna be good for NOTHIN’.
2) Bobby Brown (he of unconstipating Whitney Houston fame) has other scatological issues: He pees in random places when he sleepwalks. Isn’t there a pill for that?
3) “She’s about three steps away from being the crazy bag lady”—Girlie on Maureen “Marcia Marcia MARCIA!” McCormick, who’s turned into this bizarre amalgamation of Christian Soccer Mom and haggard barfly without the booze. Not that we didn’t dig her, because we did, but wooooooo! Girl focused on the wrong issues when she visited Dr. Phil. And these are the types of issues that are going to get her involved with freakin’ Bobby Brown even moreso than she was on “Gone Country,” so please please PLEASE, Mo, get help. And if you and Bobby are dating, Ima be pissed, because then Girlie and I are going to get roped into watching THAT trainwreck of a show, and we already saw a leeeeetle too much of Bobby Brown without pants last night.
4) Has Michael McDonald ever played Dee Snider on “MadTv?” Or better, has Dee ever played Stuart? Because THAT could be funny.
5) Carnie rocked as she always does.
But you know why the whole thing was a total waste? Because John Rich made this whole big deal about wanting to pick the song that “had the most country appeal,” and then who does he pick? Fuckin’ Julio Iglesias Jr., who could barely sing ENGLISH, never mind reach out of his Latin love-song genre. If all he wanted was to find the biggest challenge with whom to produce a song, why get the hopes up of all the other performers!?? He should’ve just devoted the whole show to turning Julio into a country star. Sheesh.
PS I’ve been ordered by Girlie to tell y’all that the champers we imbibed last night was won during Bingo. For the class factor and stuff.
As of yesterday, I thought I had shopping for the wedding of the year pretty well under control and had picked out a dress that passed muster with the committee:
But then, like a dumbass, I decided to look at Macy’s again for the eleventy frillionth time and found this:
(Why yes, you ARE detecting a distinct pattern in my taste)
and this:
which I love the pattern but makes me worry that I would look like I’m wearing a tent.
Have I really been out of the corporate world so long that I can’t remember how to pick out anything that isn’t yoga pants and v-neck tees?
Anyone see “Family Guy” Sunday? Not sure why I don’t normally watch it, but Mr. Girlie had it on when I showed up for Crap TV night. All I got to say is this:
Stewie with his pupils blown out—you don’t even need to know the context to understand that that’s the freakin’ funniest thing I’ve seen in a good while.
Lessons learned while trying to videotape guitar sensei Jeff Massey in action when he and the band play blues favorite “Mean Old World” (originally done by Little Walter as far as I can tell, but with the blues, who really knows who originated what?):
-- No matter where you’re trying to shoot, some stupid fat guy with slicked-back hair is going to get in the shot and dance. Badly.
-- Blues songs are typically at least 15 to 20 minutes long, so your battery pack and SD card should accommodate more than five minutes.
Alas, we didn’t capture Jeff doing his “weedleeweedleeweedleeweedleeweedlee!” this time, but now that we know what song it is, we’ll be prepared the next time.
Prior to catching the band, however, I was tricked—TRICKED, I tell you!—into attending another sex-toy party. I say “tricked” because when Girlie presented the option to me, she said, “So, you want to go to Doris’ surprise party?” Here’s the conversation that ensued when we left:
Girlie (looking at me like I have three heads before busting out laughing): What, did you think I was inviting you to a surprise party for a person you didn’t know!??
Me: Well, YEAH. Because that’s kinda how we do it.
And that IS true: As I allow people into my inner sanctum, they just sort of become part of this big collective where I work under the impression that everyone knows each other and hangs out like one big happy. Girlie works the same way, so since we each know a shit-ton of people (and that’s seriously not an exaggeration), assuming she’d be inviting me to a surprise party is NOT a huge stretch, so no laughing.
So yesterday I’m sitting in a luncheon assignment listening to a trio of legislators about Indiana’s impending tax crisis of doom when a grown man walks in and sits down at the table—doused profusely in the dreaded stench. I would’ve asked him about his cologne choice, but he kissed the woman sitting at the table with me, and when I turned around to see who it was, she gave me the hairy eyeball, and I didn’t feel like getting shanked with a salad fork.
Thankfully, my neighbor hasn’t burned any more of the crap, but now we’re back to her boyfriend’s big-ass Escalade taking up all the parking spaces in front of the crib. God, that’s a pointless-looking vehicle.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.
Give it to me, baby.
Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...
The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:


/> Wanna make a bunch of money doing what you're doing right now?
Hey Webmasters! - Make $$$
The AllPosters.com Affiliates Program is a great way to make money with your website. All you have to do is place links on your site to AllPosters.com. When your site visitors click on your links and make purchases at AllPosters.com, you earn 25%-30% of the sale. Sign up today!


Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].
Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].
Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving? The frigging church. My church and my mom’s… ...[go].
Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know. I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].
Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment! I have… ...[go].

- June 2013
- October 2012
- June 2012
- April 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- August 2010
- May 2010
- March 2010
- January 2010
- September 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005
- August 2005
- July 2005
- June 2005
- May 2005
- April 2005
- March 2005
- February 2005
- January 2005
- December 2004
- November 2004
- October 2004
- September 2004
- August 2004
- July 2004
- June 2004
- May 2004
- April 2004
- March 2004
- February 2004



EE Core
script assistance by
scriptygoddess
hosted by
wiredhub
This explains that large bit of type at the top.
Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

<< chicago blogs >>


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

online