Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

And then, there's Mother

Monday, May 17, 2004
Throw Mother from the car, pt. 1
Another thing about raising an elderly mother: She tends to remember things a lot differently from you, and most of the time? She remembers things like she would've liked them to happen, not how they actually DID happen.

Par example, today, we were driving to pick up baby presents for the showers I have this weekend, and we got to talking about when Dad died, like we do at least once every time we see each other. And today, she tells me that at one point when Dad was in the hospital, he told her that he hoped I never put her through what I was putting him through.
Posted by Broad6:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
If the diarrhea doesn’t kill her, I will.
No, no, no, I'm not going on about that again. But I swear, one of these days, I'm going to strangle the woman.
Posted by Broad3:41 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Mother seems to be Ok now.
She called. She ended up taking a bit of a nap after having "two more spells," (diarrhea, in case you couldn't read between the lines -- hey, if I had to hear it, you're going to, too. At least you're not hearing about YOUR mom's diarrhea) and while her stomach is still "grinding a little," she's Ok.

I take after my dad in that respect -- we both HATED explicit discussion of the scat bits, although as he was getting sicker, he started kind of sharing, too, much to my dismay. If I live to that age and beyond, I pray that I will NEVER need to discuss my bathroom habits ad nauseum.

And yet, telling my girlies the intimate details of my sex life? Not an issue for me. I wonder what that means.
Posted by Broad9:06 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Churns MY stomach, I tells ya.
So, I go take Mother to run some errands, and then we go out to lunch, right?Well, afterwards I bring her back to Chez Broad to show her the pics from Saturday night, and then I head off to the office to get some work done. All of a sudden, she goes to the bathroom, and then comes back out and starts moaning like she has a metastatic tumor eating her insides. I ask her if she needs to get to the doctor, and she says no, she's just been constipated, but "oh! the CRAMPING. Ooooooooooooh! And I'm soaking wet! Can I just go home!?!!?"

The thing you never want to hear coming from your aging mother?
I think I just pooped my pants.

Posted by Broad5:47 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Goin’ to the chapel …
You know you're getting old when the next-door neighbor girls you used to babysit are now getting married and throwing their own bachelorette parties. Hell, I still can't get over the fact that I could possibly run into either one of them at a bar. Good Lord. But the wedding shower Mother and I went to today was lovely, and it was nice to see the girls, etc. The bridesmaids were clones of each other, though: Tall; long, razor-cut, highlighted hair; and wafer-thin. And all wearing stillettos. Feh.

Not a whole lot to talk about right now -- had a last minute story I picked up before the shower that I should pound out (an Easter egg hunt in a roller rink, of all places -- makes me want to go skating BIG TIME), and then I'm retiring to an evening of watching Fox and reading "Allure" and "InStyle," two of my not-so-guilty pleasures. Do wish I'd have picked up some beer while I was out, though.
Posted by Broad10:29 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Immediate crisis averted
Got off the phone with Mother, and I think we're finally on the same page. Basically, we agreed that we would let the banks' financial wonks tell us the best way to guard her money from the evil nursing homes, should it come to that. (Personally, I don't think it ever will, because I'm quite sure the woman will NEVER DIE, but that's beside the point. And yes, of COURSE I love my mother, so don't get all sanctimonious. Y'all don't know her, and those that do know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a family thing.) But a shout of thanks goes out to Thrifty jennifer, who confirmed I wasn't nuts about how I thought the money should be handled.

In the meantime, which idiot generic rapper dude thought it was a good idea to take Chaka Khan's classic tune "Through the Fire," put it on 33 speed and then rap over it!?!? My GOD, he should be shot. I heard it yesterday while I was out, and I was ready to claw my eyes out. How could you want to take such a gorgeous song and skull-fuck it like that!?!?

Do I smell P-Dookie behind this travesty!?!
Posted by Broad4:52 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
So much to do …
Ok, so I've already turned in two stories for the day, and I have one more to go. Good thing I'm making money, because my mother has it in her head that I'm going to steal hers.
Posted by Broad10:18 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I’m off to see the robots.
After a day of relaxation (aka sleeping the anxiety away), I'm going to go cover high school kids building robots. But not without having to explain this to Mother first.
Posted by Broad3:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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