Word of advice: The Dutch Boy paint color "Weathered Bronze"? Looks great on the walls, even better in the pan, but like diarrhea on gray sweats. I'm just sayin'.
has accepted his mission to make my hair extra-gorgeous tomorrow, because right now, I'm rockin' 'do-rag head from a whole evening of painting, and my roots are tired, tired, tired. I may blame my "egg donor" (heretofore known as Sea Hag, unless I decide otherwise) for myriad genetic things (i.e. my big ass and thighs), but one good thing she did give me was fantastic hair -- except that I've been going gray since I was, oh, 20-ish, I think. Still, good, thick hair that pretty much does what I want it to.
Ok, s'anyway, about Greta and the landlords? I KNEW this was going to happen, but sometimes, there's just no telling people.
We live in a four-plex, with Greta and me in the top two apartments and the landlords, their daughter and the Hooker in the downstairs two. When Greta moved in almost four years ago, one of the conditions she stipulated for moving in was that the landlords fix the subfloor in her kitchen, which is rotten and sad and apparently a pain-in-the-ass to clean. (My subfloor is subpar, too, but I have sexy oatmeal CARPET in my kitchen to hide that. Aw, yeah. But I'm not complaining, because I love my crib.) So, almost four years go by, and no fixing of her subfloor.
Now, from what I can tell, Greta and the landlords have not gotten along well since day 1, probably because Greta can be a bit ... demanding. Not that she isn't justified in the stuff that she wants, because most of the time, she's right. And a lot of the time, our landlords, while wonderful to me, can be cheap, irrational bastards, but what landlord isn't, right? Bottom line is, Greta doesn't always pick her battles wisely, and today, the landlords fought back. See, when Greta wrote the landlords telling them she would be moving out AT LEAST TWO MONTHS BEFORE HER LEASE WAS UP UPON BUYING HER HOUSE, she also told them that because they never took care of her subfloor -- a repair I would pray Man-Landlord could not possibly deign a feasible endeavor since he's not a contractor -- she wouldn't be paying the last few months' rent. And as her proof to back up that she wasn't entitled to pay it, she enclosed an article written in my paper about how to handle crappy landlords (not written by me, thank God).
Well, yeah, that went over like a shitbrick in a punch bowl.
Even more silly? Last night, when Greta was taking some more stuff out to her truck on a dolly (sp?), the woman-landlord came out and was checking behind her to see if she made any scuff marks to our glorious foyer with the green shag carpet and the OLIVE FLOCK WALLPAPER ACCENTS. Words ensued between the two of them -- especially about one scuff that was made by none other than yours truly the other night, oops -- and Greta got her panties in a wad because they're trying to screw her out of her deposit. I mean, she was absolutely apeshit over this. I said, "Well, you can't honestly be surprised by this, can you? I mean,
you're screwing
them out of money, so did you REALLY think they weren't going to try to screw you back? In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they're completely hunting for bear off this one."
So, you can imagine my total unsurprise when she walked in this afternoon and placed in front of my face a letter from the landlords' attorney telling her that oh yes, she WILL be paying that rent.
My whole thing is, I don't understand why the big rush to get into a place that you're likely going to be living in the rest of your life when, after closing, you have two, three months to get everything just the way you want it -- ESPECIALLY if you don't have to pay your first mortgage payment until July, as I believe it is for Greta. Sure, I know she's excited to have her own crib, and I'm ecstatic for her, but jeez, man! she's giving herself, like, two weeks to have the rooms she wants painted and everything in and ready to go, and I'm just like, whoa, why are you putting this kind of pressure on yourself!?!?
I told her that when the landlords ask her if she got the attorney's letter, she should say, "No, I haven't gotten anything. Why?" just so she could see them squirm while telling her she has to pay. No, it doesn't change anything, but it might be funny.
Oh, whatEVER.