Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Souped-up bitching

Wednesday, March 30, 2005
‘I’m’ and ‘Good’ not welcome here
Ok, so now, after a really bad battle this morning with a whole bunch of spammer dicks who left unsavory crap in my pings, I got a whole bunch of new things blacklisted. Those things also, however, apparently include my friends Headcase and Og, because they weren't able to comment.

Fuck a duck, man.

I THINK I found and fixed the problem, but if I haven't, shoot me some mail and I'll continue to look.

I fuckin' HATE spammers. Haaaaaaaaate.
Posted by Broad9:38 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Fuckety fuck fuck fuck, pt. 32
So, who wants to take up a collection for me? Because I just checked my checking account, and I have a current balance of $480 something and some change but an available balance of $182 and some change. I sure hope that $300 equals out to my phone bill (past due a bit, I know) and the car insurance payment I jut made, because if not? I'm totally fucked. AGAIN. I mean, my car payment is due next week, so I can take a bit of a hit on that if I need to fill up my tank, which I will tomorrow (at $2+ a gallon -- oh, wait: Speedway has it for $2 at Speedway, according to, and I'm headed that way), but if not? I don't know what I'm going to do. And then as I'm headed toward an assignment this morning, facken Mother starts handing out orders: "I need to drop off my pants to get them hemmed. Did you make reservations for Easter yet?" Now, the pants thing is cool, because she doesn't drive. But the reservations? She may not drive, but she CAN pick up the Goddamned phone; after all, she calls ME three to five times a day on average some days. I mean, people get paid $40K a year as a personal assistant, while I pay hell getting the $60 $50 (it started as $60) she gives me toward my car payment (you know, the one I didn't want in the first place?) each month because she's POOR, you know, even though she makes more than ME most months, and I'M the one working.


Yeah, I know, I really have nothing to complain about when you consider that the government is on the precipice of setting a filthy, rotten precedent for human rights, but as the one guy says, "You might be an amputee, but that doesn't make my broken leg hurt any less." Or some such thing.

With that, I'll lighten the mood a bit with photos of my two boyfriends.

[UPDATE: Better news, everyone: Just checked my Bill Pay, and the $182? Is that phone bill plus my car payment. So now, when the insurance hits? I'll still have money left to get me through to next check. Still, thank God I stocked up on the Ramen and tomato sauce while I still had the chance. Sheesh.]
Posted by Broad2:02 AM
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Swoopin’ In…
Kaffy here. Broad has been ever so nice in letting me swoop in on her blog and do a little...ranting? Venting? Sobbing? Can't post this on my blog cuz my wee sister reads it on occassion and don't want her reading my rants on, well, her. Forewarning: this is a long rant.
Posted by Broad2:39 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, January 24, 2005
Drugs! Glorious drugs!
Just called the ol' PAP, and it seems my meds were sent out Jan. 17. So I? Should be back and medicated proper by tomorrow! Praise Jeebus. However, would somebody please tell me why, when I go on about something that pisses me off, some jackass thinks it's Ok to ask, "Are you out of your meds again!?!?" What the hell? I take them to keep me out from under the kitchen table with a joystick and a tin foil hat, not because of fucking anger management. They do not wipe out my ability to have an opinion, nor do they prevent me from going off about said opinion from time to time, even if I normally choose to not be a raving loon (100 percent of the time). Fer Chrissake.

Crazy Aunt set me off this time by defending the freakin' BFKAS. See, apparently and without rehashing the whole conversation she and I had, the past can't be changed, and if everyone's to make a new start, we (meaning I) can't keep rehashing it, lest I become bitter and no one will want to be around me anymore. And since BFKAS's idea of letting the past go means not acknowledging it ever happened in the first place ... well, that's the way it is.

Ok, sure, I can appreciate that my little snide comments might be tiresome, especially if her highness isn't throwing them back, which CA swears she's not. And yeah, I know what Dr. Phil says about forgiveness; I've got the books. It just irritates me to hear this when I know that when BFKAS pisses CA off again -- and she will, because she always has -- it'll be perfectly Ok to slag on her again.

But in happier news, besides my meds coming, my inaugural free subscrition of Allure, courtesy of Tara, came in today, and I loves me some beauty mags. Woo.
Posted by Broad11:31 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, January 14, 2005
oh and one more thing…
I'm sure you are going around telling everyone that you "ended it with me" that I was some "psycho bitch" - sort of like how you say that about Ellen DeGeneres. Let me be clear on something, twat. I have ended all communication with you. ALL. I'm the one that walked away. I know how that is important to you - but sorry. I win. I should have never let you stop me from meeting Amy and Broad. You possessive fuck. And by the way. You are fat. And I don't mean PH-at.
Posted by Broad3:32 AM • (0) Trackbacks
She’s baaaaaccckkkkk
Ah yes... your guest blogger Snidget is back - because I could not let the night go by without another rant... especially since I'm about to go out of town. (sorry in advance to anyone that this might offend.. except you know.. the obvious person... I don't give a shit if he's offended) Let's see... how shall we start this one out... How about...
Posted by Broad2:37 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, January 13, 2005
What’s a little evisceration among friends, n’est ce pas!?
Well. All righty then. Snidge said she had something to get off her chest, and girl ain't lyin', I tell you what.

But I? Seem to have caught my first round of the hell- grippe of death, because I'm achey all over and my nose is kind of stuffy. The fact that I'm drinking my Airb0rne (baby!) out of my hip martini glass isn't making it go away any faster, either. Bleh.
Posted by Broad3:10 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Snidge is in the house!
OH yeah... Broad gave me a special all access guest pass to her site and I'm taking advantage of it. You see... I gots some things to say that I can't really say on Snidget... so you get to hear it here. Right on... let's go, shall we?
Posted by Broad3:33 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, January 03, 2005
Is that all there is?
Well, I just returned from three-plus hours of my life that I'll never get back.

Last night, the one guy called, and we had a nice long talk reminiscent of the talks we used to have back in the day. I was kidding around (sort of) about how I wanted an invitation to come out for a drink, and he said that there's always an open invitiation for everyone to join him at his usual haunt. So, I decided I would take him up on it and come out tonight. Actually put on eye makeup and everything.

And got ignored for the most part.
Posted by Broad3:53 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
You can’t HAN-dle the TRUTH!
Today, Mother decided she was going to get to the bottom of why Cousin the Rich One got her a present and not me, after I told her not to say anything. And of course, I'm the one that's in the wrong, because Cousin the Rich One didn't get an aunt anything, either and that no, she's not going to call to talk to me about it because the phone lines would be on fire, she's just that mad that I would have the gall to be upset about it -- just like I TOLD MOTHER WOULD HAPPEN WHEN I SAID NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. Now? Guess who's been wronged in all of it? That would be Mother, because she just wanted to "know the truth."

Yep. Nothing like taking the joy out of living some days.
Posted by Broad4:29 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Designs on scamming me out my money
While I'm bitching, I just sent the dude over at Designs on the White House a rather terse note telling him to refund me the $25 I gave to them for a t-shirt. In AUGUST. Yeah, I know the election's over, but I didn't choose a Kerry shirt; I chose this one. You know, because it would be appropriate and shit. The last I heard from the dude, he said he'd get back to me after Thanksgiving. Well, guess what, Mike Everett-Lane? It's freakin' THREE WEEKS after Thanksgiving. What the hell kind of operation do you have going over there!?!?

Makes me wonder where the money actually went, if you know what I mean. Oh, and if I don't get an answer soon, I will report it to the BBB.
Posted by Broad1:27 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, November 04, 2004
You got that right, pigfucker
This is what came out and voted yesterday: Lookit.

Pigfucker says at the end, "sometimes boobs have problems." Indeed -- especially when they learn code and start spewing on the Internet.

[Courtesy of Mac, who got it from Oliver Willis]
Posted by Broad8:55 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Open letter to a jackass (and you know who you are)
I sincerely hope you're taking advantage of the psychiatric help you said your family hooked you up with, because you desperately need it. Seriously.

The end.

P.S. When you take the rubber sheet off your bed -- and I have it on excellent authority that you have one -- you can say all you want about the condition of my crib. Until then, shut your Goddamned gob.
Posted by Broad4:42 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Cranky sings the blues (with love to getupgrrl)
This whole "responsible adult" thing is killing my buzz -- I've had three fucking phone calls before 9 a.m., and it's feeling like EVERYONE wants a piece of me, and I HATE that. So what's my solution? Blasting "Just One Fix" by Ministry really loud and thrashing around in my chair. What rebellion. And this? is why I'm quite sure I would make a terrible wife. (My aversion to responsibility, not thrashing around to Ministry -- that's actually pretty cool, if I do say so myself.)

But seriously, I've felt like that for the past few weeks, like eveyone's got designs on my time when all I really want to do is what I want to do, even if that's juts sit on my couch in my jammies and watch TV. (Oh, goody, "Du Hast" is on now, another good thrash-yourself-around song, even though Ramstein ruins it with the little wimpy synthesizer. Still, if it doesn't get you thrashing, you at least have to giggle at the imperious-sounding German guy.)

However, I would be remiss in my crabbiness (waith, that ain't right -- how about gratitude?) if I didn't shout out a YUUUUUUGE thanks to the Og family -- Og himself for changing my oil last night, and his lovely wife for letting me stay past normal visiting hours to get my stories done. Shooting may be in order very soon, my friend.
Posted by Broad2:10 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, September 13, 2004
When I said ‘backdoor,’ this is NOT what I meant
No, I'm not dead, but I sure felt like killing someone Friday night/most of yesterday. Why? Because people are assholes.
Posted by Broad3:37 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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