Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Souped-up bitching

Monday, August 30, 2004
I just wrote a whole long entry about my weekend and why it sucked more ass than it needed to, and now MT ate it. Perfect.
Posted by Broad3:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, July 31, 2004
I just wanna be clean. Is that so wrong!?
This couldn't be any more irritating: I've been bugging Greta all week to let me borrow her vacuum cleaner, because mine doesn't work anymore, right? So I finally get the fucker home -- it's kicking up all the dust, hair and grossness, but IT ISN'T PICKING UP. Can y'all say, "MOTHERFUCKER"!?!? I mean, I may not clean up the crib often, but when I do? I make it last, because who knows when it's happen again.

Guess I'll be running to K-Mart tomorrow morning to get a new vacuum. Grrrrrrr.
Posted by Broad12:51 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Brazilian whores are stealing my bandwidth!
So I go into my C-panel to check out my stats, right? And I find some links that I'd never seen, so I thought I'd check them out -- you know, looking to see if they've added me to their blogrolls.

Added me to their blogrolls!?!? Feh! These putas hotlinked to my stylesheets, yo! That's right, I said it: Bandwidth. Stealing. Putas. PUTAS!

Now, silly putas, I know you don't understand English, but see that little green button on the right-hand side? Yeah, that's a copyright license, meaning that YOU'RE STEALING MY STUFF, not to mention the fact that you're stealing Joelle's hard work, since she's the one who created it in the first place. But that's Ok, putas, because the fix in in, and we gots something planned that'll take care of you.

[UPDATE: Joelle wasn't fucking around, y'all: Go here and here to see what she did. Tee hee.]
Posted by Broad7:25 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Alarming disregard
You know what sucks flaccid hamster weiner? A car alarm that goes off every time a large thunderbolt rolls through. Since were in the midst of a pretty good thunderstorm right now, that means it's averaging, oh, EVERY 30 SECONDS. Thanks, neighbor, whoever the fuck you are. It better not be Hooks, my slutty downstairs neighbor, because that'll just give me another reason to hate her.

Speaking of sluttiness and weiners, it occured to me as I was driving home from my assignment tonight: You know the AC/DC song "Hard as a Rock"? The dude's singing about his hard-on. All right, smartasses, I know -- "Well, what the hell did you THINK they were singing about!?!?" That's the point: I guess I DIDN'T think about it, or else I just never heard the song all the way through. Kinda like the one night when I was 27-ish, and my one best pal Laura and I were stopped at a gas station. "The Stroke" by Billy Squire came on. Here's a song I'd heard a million different times since I was 11, and while she was pumping gas, it hit me: "Holy shit! He's singing about politics!" So she gets back in the car and I tell her, and gives me that look like, "Ok, you didn't get that. Nice." You know, kind of like the one you're giving me now.

Think that's dorky? You should've seen me the first time I got Led Zeppelin's "The Lemon Song." I was 28.
Posted by Broad4:20 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Fuckety fuck fuck fuck … (whimper)
There's this widely held theory that people are most likely to have car accidents when they're within two miles of their home. But do they have anything for RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE!?!?!?
Posted by Broad5:16 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, April 22, 2004
You know, because I’m a petite flower and shit.
I'm Amelia!
Which Disney Princess are you?

[Courtesy of the lovely Cornelia]

Oh, and another thing: It's not very fun when you e-mail someone blatantly spelling out your sexual needs, only to have them NOT RESPOND back. I'm just saying.
Posted by Broad4:00 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, April 12, 2004
Grrrrrrrrr …
Since when did I say it was Ok for Greta to come in a take the half-drunken bottle of Pepsi I had left over from last night!?!?! I didn't? ...Yeah, that's what I thought. She's SO buying dinner for that.

Two more days. Two more days ...
Posted by Broad10:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 06, 2004
As if it couldn’t get any worse …
Well, I got my freakin' check today -- AT ABOUT $165 LESS THAN I CALCULATED. What the fuck is going on, here!?!?! The only thing that might save my poor ass is the fact that I had a charge of $193.67 that I disputed with the bank.

I'm so freakin' irritated right now, I'm going to take a nap. Maybe then I'll have the strength to talk about the stupid wedding shower I had to suffer through today.
Posted by Broad8:19 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 05, 2004
F$*#%& stupid Post Office
Most days, I love being a free-lancer -- being able to work in jammies, cuddling with the cats, religiously watching ABC Daytime (don't have the slipper action going like those Moxie broads, but that's because, despite the insane shoe fetish, I'm barefoot as much as possible). But you know when I DON'T love being a free-lancer? When the freakin' Post Office is late with my damn money.
Posted by Broad11:28 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Disney says ‘No’ to tits
Back in the day when I was slogging my way to getting an English degree, I had a professor who called Mickey Mouse the "Swastika of the 90s." Thought it was a brilliant metaphor, even if I had no idea how right he was. This, courtesy of USA Today..

You'd think a company progressive enough to extend benefits to gay couples would be mature enough to not get their tits in a knot about a damn nipple ring (although I gotta tell you, that looked awfully painful).
Posted by Broad2:23 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, February 27, 2004
You know what sucks?
Having a rotten day yesterday and then waking up with your tummy in knots about it still the next. Gah.
Posted by Broad1:21 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Friends are friends, and co-workers are co-workers …
and sometimes, despite the best intentions, you should not confuse the two. And that's all I'm saying about that.
Posted by Broad4:15 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Be careful what you craigslist for …
For the second night this week, I've dreamt about one of my exes, the one I thought I was going to marry some -- yikes! -- 10 years ago. I'd like to think it was (blame it on wink ) a conversation Joelle and I had yesterday in which one-thing-led-to-another-led-to-talking-about-him, but this particular story is also one of those things that I've been dying to put out for public consumption because it annoyed me to no end when it happened. Am I afraid he's going to see it? Well, he and his posse found me through an anonymous post on craigslist, so I wouldn't doubt that he does, but I don't care, because like I said, this really annoyed me, and what better way to make someone accountable by outing stupid behavior in public, right?
Posted by Broad2:41 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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