Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Crispity Christ
3:45, or 15 minutes before I'm supposed to pick Mother up to run her errands, I get this phone call:
Her: Are you there? Or did you leave yet? Pick up if you're there, because I was wondering ...
Me (sighing resignedly): Yes, Mother, I got my mail.
Her: Oh. Did you get the picture of the baby?
Me: Yeee-es, and I don't know why everyone's freaking out about how small he is, because he looks like a normal baby to me.
Her:Don't yell, because that's what (another aunt who agrees with me) did. Anyway, wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk ... Are you ready to pick me up? (Keep in mind, we've just spent five minutes talking about something we could've just as easily talked about when I pick her up.)
Me: Well, I was going to jump in the shower ...
Her: We won't have time to go, and I just want to go through the drive thru for a grilled cheese sandwich ...
Me (Looking at the phone like she's high on crack): What drive-thru has a grilled cheese sandwich, Mother?
Her: No, I meant Schoop's (a local burger place).
Me: I just told you I had Wendy's for lunch -- a HAMBURGER.
Her: Well, what else can you get there? (Have you forgotten that this is 15 minutes before I'm supposed to pick her up?)
Me: Well, let me jump in the shower, and I'll call you when I'm down there.
Her: But that'll take an hour (!) and ...
Me (Growling at this point): Fine. I won't take a shower, then.

Instead, I will blog about how you can be INSUFFERABLE PAIN IN MY ASS! GAH!
Posted by BroadAnd then, there's Mother
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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