Back when Mer was in town, we were out one night -- in Hobart, of course, which if you know anything about NWI, you'll understand that what I'm about to tell you is typical -- and this dude started hitting on me (what comes next, not dudes hitting on me). I might've been intrigued, I'll admit, but then the guy flapped his yap about gay marriage and how it was wrong. (At that point, Zook, in one of his funnier moments, said "Oh no. Has she started using the hand gestures yet?" but I digress.)

What I did end up telling the jackass was that first of all, gay marriage has absolutely nothing to do with him and his life, because it doesn't; after all, millions upon millions of men were sodomizing each other at that very moment, and he was still standing there drinking his eight or ninth beer of the night, right!? But then I brought up that my brother is gay, and he was all, "Aw, yer just saying that," and I was like, "No. I'm not." He finally backed off, but here's what I wish I would've said if I thought this guy would've gotten it.