Talk about a craptacular evening: I just sat through a whole nutraceutical product pimp billed as a talk on building a healthier you. Had I known in advance that it was a pimp, I'd have come more prepared with questions about their products, i.e. the efficacy of co-enzyme Q-10 and all the other enzymes the people were coaxing the sheep to buy. I'll give props for the visual they used -- two old guys held up a disemboweled pantyhose leg and filled it full of garbage the normal schmuck might eat (donut and coffee for breakfast, Burger King cheeseburger, diet Coke and fries for lunch; and Chunk beef stew for dinner), then proceeded by hand to imitate peristalsis. THAT was pretty funny. Otherwise, eat healthy and take a multivitamin. Oh, and if you're not crapping two or three times a day? You're giving yourself autointoxication. No shit, dude! Sounds kinda kinky, if you ask me.

Speaking of kinky, I need the hoobity. Will somebody in particular, if you're reading, please bring me the hoobity!? Thanks.