Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, February 24, 2006
Sister, sister (Madre Mia!)
She gave him her heart, and he talked about a boil on his ass -- specifically the crack.

No, no back story here. But this seriously happened to someone I know, and really, do you need to hear more than that to form an opinion!?? Didn't think so. But let that serve as another lesson as to what not to discuss with your woman unless you've been married for a zillion years.

So, where to start, where to start ... oh yeah. I met my other half sister the other day, and guess what I discovered!?? I discovered that there's probably not an apporopriate time or place on God's green earth to drop on someone that you may be their half sibling. My inappropriate place? A labor rally at my alma mater -- I was covering it, and two young ladies from our local congressman's office showed up to offer support. I asked them their names, and when the little girl with the dark hair and groovy glasses told me what it was, my stomach dropped, because it was the exact same name of the alleged sperm donor's other daughter. So, I pulled her aside and said, "Your dad wouldn't happen to be (Alleged Sperm Donor), would it?" And she scowled and said, "Yeah. Why?" And I said, "Well ... rumor has it that he may be my dad, too." Poor girl turned white as a sheet and got tears in her eyes, and at some point she said, "My God, you look just like him." Anyway, we talked a few moments, and then we exchanged info and said we'd keep in touch. That was Tuesday, and I haven't heard from her -- at least, not yet, anyway, which is perfectly cool. In fact, as I thought about it, I realized that I owed her an apology for springing it on her as I did. It went like this:
Hey, [redacted] –

Now that you’ve had a couple days to digest potentially having a sister, I hope this finds you in a better frame of mind. I mean, nothing like long-lost relatives crawling out of the woodwork and showing up on the proverbial doorstep, right? That's what I'm saying.

So listen, I wanted first and foremost to apologize for dropping all of this on you the way I did. As exciting and bizarre as all of it is, I should’ve thought it through better before approaching you, and if I upset you or freaked you out in any way, I’m truly sorry. It’s a lot to handle.

That's the other thing: I wanted to make sure you know that just because we may or may not be related, I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to be anything to me, because you're not. True, it would be really cool to have a little sister (that I actually like -- wait, what? Who said that!?? wink ). But speaking from experience, it's hard for me to quantify how truly challenging it is getting to know people who share genetics and calling them "family," and if you're like, "Whoa! Not ready to deal with it and not sure I'll ever be ready," I could never fault you for it. This is your show, and after this e-mail, I'm leaving it up to you to contact me if or when you're ready.

(Incidentally, if you do decide you want to contact me but want to check me out first, I encourage you to do so. In fact, for starters, I know [the congressman] himself as well as [the congressman's press flack] out in DC, and as far as I know, we're all good. But seriously, do what you need to do. Nothing to hide here, except perhaps for really rotten credit.)

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

Take care,

P.S. In case you're curious, my blood type is A-negative, and I'm relatively healthy, if overweight (normal blood pressure, but bad cholesterol). You know, in case you find yourself in need of kidney or liver or something. Heh.

If she doesn't get a hold of me, I'm totally cool with that, which is huge because I thought I'd be like all, "Waaaaah, I'm cool! Doesn't she want a cool big sister like me?" But it seriously isn't about all that. From what I know, she's an only child, too, and it really is hard to be a sibling when you've never been one before (hell, I STILL don't know how to do it) and she may not want to learn. She's also quite a bit younger than I am -- 25 to my 36 -- so at this point, what would we really have in common besides a sperm donor we don't know and respect even less? I will say that aside from working in our esteemed congressman's office, she's also working toward her master's in something or other, which I'm like, "Excellent!"

You know who also was really excited about it for me? BFKAS. I KNOW, right!?? She was like, "Good for HER!" because all she's heard about her from the Fighting Macedonians is that she was trash and has already been married several times and all kinds of other crap.

Prior to all this, got an e-mail from SC. (I'm telling you, it's been a week over here in Chez Broad.) See, I'd e-mailed BFKAS and asked about my nephew and niece and the kind of stuff they like, and when she replied, she addressed only one part of the e-mail that wasn't about the kids, so immediately I was like, "Ok, I'll be hearing from her in 3, 2, 1 ..." Sure enough, the e-mail showed up later that evening. It was fairly pleasant, actually. She said that she has reservations about talking to me, as she suspects I do about her, and that we'll need to take it slow and I'll have to understand if she's guarded, but she'll try to keep an "open mind," and then she launched into the stuff I asked about the kidlets. So after I let my rancor bubble for a moment (open mind? seriously?), I responded that I was down with the slow thing and that I was glad to see the kidlets are happy and healthy and smart.

Open mind, my ass.
Posted by Broad9:42 PM
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

/> Wanna make a bunch of money doing what you're doing right now?

Hey Webmasters! - Make $$$
The Affiliates Program is a great way to make money with your website. All you have to do is place links on your site to When your site visitors click on your links and make purchases at, you earn 25%-30% of the sale. Sign up today!

Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

powered by
EE Core

script assistance by

hosted by

This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


<< chicago blogs >>

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Support Bloggers' Rights!
Support Bloggers' Rights!