Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Social comment n' shit

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
More on the slit-your-wrists, why-it-sucks-to-be-a-broad front

I’m still trying to figure out how in the holy hell these vermin burst her implant. Good Christ, y’all.

Victim: Gang-Rape Cover-Up by U.S., Halliburton/KBR

Found over at Jezebel, where you’ll also find links to contact your m’erf’in Congressmen about stopping this abomination of a company in the comments. Not that that will do anything, but it might keep you from plying yourself full of whiskey at just past noon. 


Posted by Broad6:10 PM
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
New saying picked up from Cat: No words

Any of y’all catch this on Today this morning: Lookit? I didn’t, but I’ve been following the story since Moe Tkacik broke it on the Innerbunny last Friday.

No, I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said by hopefully hundreds of thousands of people who cannot fathom the impossible pain that Curt, Lori and Sarah Drew have brought upon Tina and Ron Meier. I just want to be among the Innerbunny vigilantes who’re keeping these sorry excuses for humans under the computer screen’s harsh glare.

Karma can be a nasty, filthy whore sometimes, ain’t it?


Posted by Broad3:19 AM
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Know what’s really annoying?

People who not only bring their snotty little shits to any sort of production that isn’t a matinee, but TALK TO THEM during the whole production. In a NORMAL VOICE. Like tonight: Went to see my pal Anna’s kids in the Indiana Youth Ballet’s production of The Nutcracker, and this family with not one, but two kids under the age of 7 was sitting behind us. Well, the little girl who couldn’t have been more than 2 and was sitting directly behind ME kept shrieking “AAAAABBEEEEEE! AAAAAAABBEEEEEEE!” every damn time AAAAAAAABBEEEEEE was on stage, and the grandpa was encouraging the little shit with “Can you see Abby and Alli up there!??” the whole time, while the other kid kept whining to his mom “What’s going on NOW!??” and instead of telling the brat to shut the fuck up and watch the play, she explained it to him. And they weren’t whispering; in fact, each time the music rose to crescendo, the assholes took it as a cue to TALK LOUDER. And neither my turning around and glaring nor me asking Grandpa Fucktard, “Do you need me to move so you can see them!??” clued them into the fact that they were rude.

It was a great show otherwise.


Posted by Broad5:57 AM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Boo-f’in-hoo, silly man

In a rare bit of I-don’t-know-what-you’d-call-it (though it probably doesn’t need to be called ANYTHING and I’m just grasping for a lead-in), the paper’s esteemed columnist wrote about a guy who’s being stalked by a woman. No talk of boiled game or creative homicide-suicide letters or anything that you usually think about when you think “crazy nutjob stalker”; apparently, this woman just drives by his house and his place of work more than a person probably should. Naturally, the guy’s unnerved, as he should be, and he almost had me completely on his side until he said this:

I just want to be left alone, but no one takes me seriously because I’m a man, not a woman.


So I shot our esteemed columnist an e-mail to the effect of, “Not to be an a-hole, but what makes this guy think women are treated any different when they file complaints on stalkers?” I mean, seriously, does he HAVE any idea how many women are murdered by freaks who violate protective orders? Now, of course the victim threw out the old chestnut of “What, do I have to wait until she harms me before something gets done about this?” and I thought to myself, “Well, YEAH. You do, because that’s what women do every single day, and you know what else? The odds are really good that the women who’re taking out protective orders? Aren’t just dealing with drive-bys. The likelihood that they’re dealing with threatening phone calls and crazyass letters is really high, so I’d say you’re pretty damn lucky as far as stalkers go. Now, why don’t you grow a set and ignore the crazy lady!??”

I mean, am I wrong?


Posted by Broad3:16 AM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Another NWI election has come and gone

and it was a strange one: Republicans getting a stronghold where you’d never think they would, and vice versa. Everybody’s especially freaked out that Gayle Van Sessen of Crown Point got beat by Democrat Dave Uran. Not that Uran wasn’t a good candidate, but Crown Point is seriously GOP. I blame outgoing mayor Dan Klein for that; if he hadn’t run such a dirty campaign during the primary, perhaps he wouldn’t have besmirched the Republicans’ good name so badly. But, as always, what do I know?

Tomorrow, I get to have breakfast with the Guvnr of our fair state. At the ass-crack of dawn. I’m sure I’ll be a joy to be around.


Posted by Broad5:13 AM
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
It’s official

You know what I can’t discuss without wanting to get completely stabby on a bitch? Herpes. That’s right: herpes. Oral, genital, wrestler, zoster, shingles, you name it, and it will not fail that I’m going to want to kill someone. Know why? Because there are too many people who’re still completely retarded about it. Yes, I know it sucks. Yes, I know it can be very, very painful for some people. Yes, I know that people shouldn’t actively pursue getting it, and I know that infected people have a sworn duty to tell their partners that they’re infected (preferably beFORE sex ever transpires). But Jeezy Creezy, could y’all stop treating it like your sexual innards are going to fall out your bodies if you even get near someone with it!?? Because they won’t. Seriously.

And another thing while I’m on a tirade: Guys (and gals too), if you break up with someone, it does NOT become the dumpee’s responsibility to enforce the breakup. It’s YOURS, because the DUMPEE does not want to break up in the first place and therefore may allow you to take advantage of their feelings, which may be great for you and your sub-par ego but really sucks for them and also makes you a giant unworthy ASS. So I don’t want to hear “Well, I TOLD him (or her) that it was over, but they wouldn’t listen. What was I supposed to do?” Once you put it down, don’t pick it back up. ‘k!??


[No, I’m actually in a very FINE mood; work’s been busy, I’m kinda sorta interested in someone, I’ve been shopping ... aside from Mother, things are really good. I’m just spouting off about some things that stick in my craw, is all. And reading a LOT of Jezebel, which you should be, too, if you’re not.]


Posted by Broad5:51 PM
Monday, September 17, 2007
Here was my day yesterday

Commentary after the fold, and special thanks to P-T vet Karen Snelling, who called all the brass and spent like an hour working on the rewrite with me; and photog Steph Dowell, who I’ve never seen rattled before yesterday. As always, emphasis mine in the story.

The parents of two Gary teenagers who died in an one-vehicle crash Saturday say their sons were left along a dark road for six hours because police refused to listen to two others who survived the accident.

Brandon Smith lost control of the truck he was driving and swerved across Chase Street into the southbound lanes, crashing through the metal fencing along the bridge and flipping numerous times before it landed in a vegetated area next to the road around 3 a.m. Saturday.

Smith and one of three passengers, Dominique Green, were thrown from the vehicle, according to relatives.

One of two remaining passengers managed to crawl out of the wrecked truck and get help. After police arrived, Darius Moore and DeAndre Anderson, both 18, were taken to the Methodist Hospital in Gary.

While en route the boys told police and emergency workers that two of their friends—Brandon and Dominique --were still at the crash site, said Darren Smith, a Gary firefighter and Brandon’s uncle.

“They kept telling them there were four, and the officer, J. Westerfield, told them, ‘We checked the scene,’ “ he said.

Brandon’s father, Arthur “Bud” Smith, became worried after not hearing from his son all night. So, he and Brandon’s mother, Samantha Epps, called friends’ parents to find him. They heard about the crash and that Moore and Anderson had been rushed to area hospitals, but nothing about their son.

Darren Smith said he and his brother, Bud, went to the scene of the accident after his shift at the fire department ended. Shortly after 9 a.m., the two men found Brandon’s body and that of his friend, Dominique, next to a tree about 10 to 15 feet from where the truck landed.

Six hours had passed since the crash.

Investigators from the Lake County coroner’s office were called to the site at 9:27 a.m. Both 18-year-olds had suffered blunt force injuries and were pronounced dead at the scene, a spokesman for the coroner’s office said.

Gary Police Department Cmdr. Samuel Roberts said the officer who responded to the accident did not deviate from departmental procedures.

He could not explain why the two teens were left along the roadside.

“I don’t know if the officer was told there were four people in the vehicle or if the occupant said he had dropped off the other people,” Roberts said. “Right now, what I do know is that the police department responded and an accident report was taken,” Roberts said.

But the police commander said he had not read the report as of late Saturday and did not know the details of the accident.

Darren Smith wants to know why the fire department was not called to the scene of his nephew’s accident as it is for most other crashes. Smith also wants to know why police did not locate his nephew when Brandon and Dominique were lying so close the truck.

“A search consists of flood lights and fire equipment, and when we’re not on a scene, that means it wasn’t dispatched,” he said. “We respond to fender benders.

“All they needed was a flashlight to find them, but no lights, and that’s a search? Come on, man. That’s pathetic.”

Brandon’s mother, Epps, wants to know why Brandon’s father and uncle had to be the ones to find her son and his friend. She paced the scene as classmates and onlookers congregated along Chase Street, her emotions whipping between anger and despair.

“It should’ve never taken the father to find them,” Epps said, struggling to hold back tears. “Any other questions I have, that’s between me and God.”

LaTrice Long, Brandon’s cousin, wants to know why emergency workers didn’t listen to the surviving boys.

Anderson told police he and three others were involved in the accident,” Long said. “How could anyone ignore that?”

Mayor Rudy Clay, who walked in the Gary Back-to-School Parade on Saturday morning, stopped by the crash scene to offer condolences. He referred all inquiries to Gary Police Chief Thomas Houston.

Bud Smith remembered his son as “the perfect kid.”

“He played basketball last year,” he said. “These were school buddies, and he wasn’t involved in anything bad. He was just a normal 18-year-old kid.”

Long said Brandon always had a smile on his face and was close to their giant family, especially Epps and his brothers, Roderick Denham and Tyler Smith.

“You know how boys sometimes only talk to their dads? Not Brandon. He always told his mother everything because he wanted her point of view,” she said.

Dangerous drive

The road the two died on has a reputation for being bumpy and causing crashes. In December 2002, a Hobart teen was killed while “riding the bumps” driving on Chase Street. In September 2004, a Gary man was saved by medics and passersby from a crash on Chase that sent his car upside down in the Little Calumet River.


Posted by Broad3:11 AM
Friday, August 24, 2007
No Gardasil for YOU!

Had to put the smackdown on an idiot over at my new favoritist Gawker Media creation: Lookit.

I mean, seriously. It boggles the mind.


Posted by Broad4:44 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Someone ganked Mike Doughty’s rock (and I just ganked his subject line)

Did you guys hear about this? Mike Doughty, former singer for Soul Coughing and rockin’ artist in his own right, had one of his songs off excellent album Haughty Melodic ripped off chord for chord by some French chick singer named Maidi Roth. HIS song is “I Hear the Bells,” which I read somewhere this week is a tribute to the amazing Jeff Buckley, but hers is titled “Apres Toi” which, if I remember right from my piss-poor French skillz, is “With You” or “In You” or something like that. Anyway, this was no “Well, it maybe kinda sounds like it,” either. Observe: This is Mike’s version:



Now, here’s Maidi’s version:



You be de judge.


Posted by Broad8:18 PM
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Rudy, you’re an ASS

Some days more than others, I’m really happy I don’t cover any one particular municipality; I’m quite sure I’d have to be shot with a tranquilizer gun before press conferences such as the following, where this gem came out of Gary’s finest, Mayor Rudy “I pass out business cards the size of bookmarks” Clay. The story, written by Jon Seidel, with the parts of interest emboldened:

By Jon Seidel
Post-Tribune staff writer

GARY—Mayor Rudy Clay and Police Chief Thomas Houston touted the city’s June homicide rate Friday and accused media of ignoring the story.

Since a new police administration took control, Gary’s homicide rate has been cut to a fifth of what it was in May.

Fifteen people were killed in Gary last month, while three people were killed in the city in June as of Friday.

“We couldn’t even get it in the classified ads,” Clay said.

During a news conference held to swear in police reserve officers, Clay told his audience Gary recorded one homicide in June.

“Gary, Indiana, has had less homicides than Munster, Indiana,” Clay said.

According to the Lake County Coroner’s office, though, Gary had three homicides in June. Munster had one.

Later that day, a Gary Police Department spokesman confirmed the coroner’s records.

He said the mayor meant to say Gary had one homicide in 23 days.

On Friday afternoon, Clay emphasized that two of those occurred in domestic situations. A domestic homicide, he said, doesn’t mean the city is violent.

“I have continued to stand up and say to the world that Gary is not a violent city,” Clay said.

At the news conference, Houston said people would not be safe to march in a violent city, making reference to the Gary Catholic Diocese’s Golden Jubilee celebration.

Houston and Deputy Chief Thomas Branson assumed their new roles at the police department last month. ...[snip]


Yes, because if someone is killed in a domestic situation, that means they’re LESS DEAD. Way to marginalize 54.2 percent* of the city you represent, Rudy. Dumbass.

[CLARIFICATION 7/2: I sent an e-mail to Seidel after I read this horsecrap, and as further evidence of Rudy’s dumbassness, he pointed out something that completely eluded me for a sec: The Munster incident to which Rudy referred so far has all the markings of a domestic in that there was no forced entry to the poor bastard’s place.]


Posted by Broad4:00 PM
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I’m not LOOKING at this! Lalalalalalala

Here’s something special for y’all to ponder, especially if you like your cooters bald as ping-pong balls:

Lookit

Nope, haven’t looked at the illustration and not gonna. Sure makes me glad I feel no particular urgency to rid myself of ALL my Eastern European hair coating, though. Oof.

[Via Gawker]


Posted by Broad3:56 PM
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
$3.65 FOR UNLEADED GAS!??

You know, I really don’t give a flying fart who’s doing it—the war, the conservatives, the liberals, the Al-Quesadillas, Big Oil, whatever. You CAN STOP ANY TIME NOW.


Posted by Broad9:34 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
What I get for being all political (aka never let a Hoosier dictate aesthetics)

Here’s what the rest of Indiana chose for our new plates next year:

image

blank stare 


Posted by Broad7:33 PM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Piety meets appearances, screws state out of dough

Been itchin’ to go off on another one of my pseudo political rants, but then I read the paper this morning and well, lookyhere! my latest pet peeve has been addressed: Lookit

For those I haven’t spouted off to over the past few weeksunaware, Indiana issued at the beginning of the year a new license plate. And it’s a lovely plate, all blue with a nice big American Flag and “In God We Trust” in a pleasant white serif font. If nothing else, it’s damn more attractive than the current plates, which are and have been ass-ugly since they rolled out in 2004. You can even get the new plate AT NO EXTRA CHARGE when you go to renew your plates.

That’s great, except for the obvious problem that the state is opting to throw away a sizable chunk of change so we can all look like a bunch of simple, God-fearin’ folk. I mean, if someone can find data on how many Hoosiers actually attend Christian churches regularly and faithfully, please send it my way; otherwise, you’re not going to convince me that everyone’s getting this plate because they’re devout Christians. Judging by the cars I see on the road every day of my life, however, you will convince me that we’re a vain bunch of m’er f’ers when it comes to our rides—again, 2004 license plates? Ass-ugly, so who WOULDN’T jump at the chance to get a better-looking plate FOR ZERO DOLLAH (besides me, because I’m pissed off enough about this issue, plus it goes against every one of Mother’s sensibilities, and that’s an always an added bonus)!?? It’s just like those morons who buy “Support the Troop” magnets, if you think about it: They’d much rather shell out the $2 to a for-profit business on a ribbon magnet—not to mention ruin their paint jobs—than, say, spend $4 on a pack of disposable razors or toilet paper to send overseas to an actual soldier. At least the for-profit’s making money, because the STATE sure won’t with this nightmare.

No. Separate church and state, or else every single religion in Indiana needs to have its own plate available free-of-charge.


Posted by Broad1:45 PM
Monday, March 26, 2007
Oh yeah, they’ve drunked the kool-aid

I got one guy telling me I’m a slave to the incumbent party because I don’t think getting out of Cal Twp. this election cycle is a good move. How cute.

But the good news? I don’t have to report for Fed jury duty tomorrow morning at the asscrack! That’s a beautiful thing.

Oh, and I went to my first fake wiener party yesterday with one of my editors and a whole bunch of my co-workers. I’m not sure whether they were impressed or horrified when I threw out such terms as “shnirty flanzhez” and “squelching."*


Posted by Broad1:23 AM
Page 2 of 3 pages  <  1 2 3 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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