Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Suckage comes from all over
Apparently, I'm not the only one with copyright issues this week: Getupgrrl over at Chez Miscarriage not only had someone rip off illustrations that she and her readers -- women suffering with infertility, btw -- created, but her puta MADE FUCKING T-SHIRTS OF THEM AND PUT THE SALE LINK TO GRRL'S WEB SITE.

I almost don't even know what to say to that, except that the person must really be feeling the effects of a weak second quarter, because profiting off someone else's heartache without that person's permission? There's a special place in hell for y'all.
Posted by Broad5:30 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, July 30, 2004
I just wanna be clean. Is that so wrong!?
This couldn't be any more irritating: I've been bugging Greta all week to let me borrow her vacuum cleaner, because mine doesn't work anymore, right? So I finally get the fucker home -- it's kicking up all the dust, hair and grossness, but IT ISN'T PICKING UP. Can y'all say, "MOTHERFUCKER"!?!? I mean, I may not clean up the crib often, but when I do? I make it last, because who knows when it's happen again.

Guess I'll be running to K-Mart tomorrow morning to get a new vacuum. Grrrrrrr.
Posted by Broad5:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Parting shot by the Brazilian Whore
In my e-mail tonight (and this'll be the last of it, I promise):
Posted by Broad8:44 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Who’s idea was this?
Has anybody ever, when listening to "Rockin' to Paradise" by Styx, ever gotten the urge to do jazzhands? No, seriously, who the hell's idea was it to EVER Let Dennis DeYoung become part of Styx? He RUINED them, he and all his Broadway reject issues. And don't even get me started about fucking "Mr. Roboto." I heard that the other night on the way home, and God, is that song ass-bad. "I'm KILROY!" What!?!?
Posted by Broad11:26 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Score one for the honest, yet sneaky, Broads
So, if you go over to both Brazilian Whores' links, you'll notice that a) one of them has COMPLETELY taken her blog down and b) the others are using a Blogger template. Who's your daddy NOW, putas!?!?! HA. It should be noted, though, that when I translated their blog (using Google's translator this time, not the retarded one I used last night), one of them made it very clear that their "logo will be pretty soon." So any of y'all who have either a Moxie design or some other design that's brightly colored and girlie, beware, because these bitches will hork it from you.

In happier news, three four more people have joined us up here in Chez Broad: Kalisah at Confessions of the Overdressed, Whitters at Polyester Bride, and TIMMY! over at Fountain of Pee and Amy over at Psycho Babble. Welcome, y'all.
Posted by Broad7:55 PM • (0) Trackbacks
More Brazilian Whore war stories
When I e-mailed the Brazilian Whores about ripping our stuff off, I cc'd Joelle on it. The following is what happens when you trust an online translator:
Posted by Broad5:55 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Kaffy’s Obama drama
Just so y'all know, Kaffy's seriously in love with Barack Obama. Not that I'm not -- his speech kicked some serious ass -- but seriously? He looks like the cartoon character Oscar Proud from "The Proud Family."

Oh, and in case you're not keeping up with the comments, here's the Brazilian Whore update: Despite her best efforts, Joelle says that the bitch hand-coded my stylesheet into her shit. Now, I'M not seeing it, even with refreshing my browser, but that doesn't mean bitch didn't do it. So, I e-mailed her and told her I contacted Blogger, and THEY will handle it. And yeah, I did it in piss poor Portuguese, too, but you know what? I don't care, because that's crap, especially when she could've asked permission. Not that I would've granted it, because I love the design and don't want to dilute Joelle's brand, but the polite thing would've been to at least ask, fer Chrissakes.

Next time? The offending ripper-offer gets a huge dick on their page. And not a nice looking one, either; it'll be the skinniest, wussiest wiener I can find. You've been warned.
Posted by Broad7:08 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Brazilian whores are stealing my bandwidth!
So I go into my C-panel to check out my stats, right? And I find some links that I'd never seen, so I thought I'd check them out -- you know, looking to see if they've added me to their blogrolls.

Added me to their blogrolls!?!? Feh! These putas hotlinked to my stylesheets, yo! That's right, I said it: Bandwidth. Stealing. Putas. PUTAS!

Now, silly putas, I know you don't understand English, but see that little green button on the right-hand side? Yeah, that's a copyright license, meaning that YOU'RE STEALING MY STUFF, not to mention the fact that you're stealing Joelle's hard work, since she's the one who created it in the first place. But that's Ok, putas, because the fix in in, and we gots something planned that'll take care of you.

[UPDATE: Joelle wasn't fucking around, y'all: Go here and here to see what she did. Tee hee.]
Posted by Broad12:25 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, July 26, 2004
Vinyl smells
Anybody know how I can get my new shower curtain to not smell like ass? It's really kinda killing the vibe of a clean can. Yuk.
Posted by Broad12:02 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Insomnia sucks
My thanks goes out to these two turkeys who, along with a host of others who I can't remember off the top of my head right now, let their insomnia of the last couple weeks filter from the east and west coasts and into the Midwest, because now? I've got it. Of course, my office is now clean (although that was earlier and with Greta's help), as is my bathtub, in preparation for Mer's arrival Saturday. Still, I'd much rather be sleeping, because then, I wouldn't necessarily be thinking about how the one guy's apparently mad at me.
Posted by Broad11:21 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, July 24, 2004
I got yer “Wardrobe Malfunction” right here
Listening to Genesis' Duke incessantly over the past couple days has not only reminded me of how amazing an album it really is, but it's also dredged up the requisite formative memories, like the time I flashed nipple at the public pool.
Posted by Broad9:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, July 23, 2004
Don’t want no short short man
So Dongy over at Dong Resin's Joint (and no, I don't know him well enough to call him Dongy -- I'm kinda doing it to see if he'll come over here and grace me with one of his pithy comments) did this about the rash of pussified dudes that seem to have taken over the dating pool, and can I just say a big honkin' "Hallelujah brother!" to THAT.

I didn't realize this emo business has reached epidemic proportions, though; maybe that's because where I come from, that kind of pussy would get run out before he had a chance to infect others with his pussiness. I'd like to see the dude in the Observer article spend one day in a local bar out here, among the dudes who either just spent 12 hours in front of the blast furnace at USX or didn't because they got laid off two years ago. That'd be cool.

Speaking of cool, thanks to Chris for reminding me of how excellent Genesis' 1980 album Duke is. Brilliant stuff.
Posted by Broad7:55 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, July 22, 2004
The one where Broad wears the wrong someone else’s panties
Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Especially when my assignment tonight? Included a wine tasting and hors d'oeuvres. SPLENdid.

But as I was putting on my unnywears after my shower? I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I couldn't get them over my legs. I mean, I was so excited to find that Old Navy made comfortable bikinis for chicks with big butts that this was just unfathomable, or else what the hell did Greta do to my wash!?!?! Did she really shrink them that bad? (Note: I do my laundry over at Greta's, and sometimes she finishes up for me.) But I squeezed them on and rushed off to my assignment (with other clothes OVER them, of course).

But as the night wore on, the unnywears were cutting into my skin, and I was becoming increasingly unhappy. So after the assignment portion of the evening, I rushed off to the ladies room to figure out what was going on. Wouldn't you know, they weren't even my unnywears; they were Greta's. How could I have NOT noticed this, you ask? Well, we both shop at Old Navy and probably bought the same ones, only in different sizes, and she thought they were mine.

Well, now that I had that figured out, what was I supposed to do about it? I mean, even though they were clean, there's still something kinda weird about wearing someone else's unnywears for ANY reason, plus they were still cutting into my skin. What's a broad to do, right? This broad decided the best thing to do would be to take them off and put them in the inside pocket of her jean jacket.

I'm not sure how I'll feel if Greta wants them back after this.
Posted by Broad7:53 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Bownp buh bowmp bowwwwwmp
I hope this works, because it's just too funny. If not, go here and do it to me.

Heh. I said "Do it to me."

[Horked from myllissa]
Posted by Broad9:57 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Yeah. SO?
The one guy will appreciate this more than most:
Posted by Broad7:14 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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