Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Saturday, April 30, 2005
You wouldn’t like me when I’m in a coma
Haven't had a lot to say the past couple days, what with getting up before 9 a.m., like, three days in a row and shit. Yeah, I know, I'm a candyass, but I'm not used to getting up that early, and three days of it? Holy shit. I was in walking coma yesterday as I covered a conference on NWI becoming the world's TDL hub. I'm still yawning just thinking about it. Oh, and I saw both Princess Diaries flicks, too, over at Greta's the other night -- the first one I dug, but the second sucked.

So after his whining and calling me a cocksucker (in the best possible way, of course), the Wad and I are drinking this fine eve. Perhaps he'll bring beer here, in which case Ima gonna have to do a quick clean of the crib, or else we'll hit a local watering hole. Tomorrow, however, is Tara's wedding, and I'm the designated photog for the day, so getting too smashed is prolly not a good idea. Or else I need to drink LOTS OF WATER.
Posted by Broad2:54 PM
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
I got in the pants de la Maison
And found the following meme:
Posted by Broad5:26 PM
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Whose bright idea was this!?!?
Talking to a subject for a story tonight, and she was telling me about the restaurant located next door to her that she did some work for. Guess what the restaurant's name is? Before I tell you, bear in mind that the woman, and the restaurant, are in Gary.

The name?
Posted by Broad3:12 PM
Monday, April 25, 2005
‘Cuz she’s playin’ all night, and the music’s all right
Still not feeling like rehashing the latest Mother debacle from last night other than to tell y'all that according to the silly git, the reason both my families act the way they do is MY fault. (If y'all can figure THAT one out? Please, share with the class, because I, I ... gah.) But to cheer myself up I decided to do a little shoe shopping, because I need a pair of cool new sandals for the summer. So far, I like these, but I'm also enjoying these and these.

Plus, I heard "Squeezebox" by The Who on my way home tonight, and how can that song not make you smile?
Posted by Broad6:15 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Sleeping off a good buzz, and I have no family
If you want details, Ogger may feel so inclined to share them, since he and the lovely Mrs. got to hear it all. But I have to get up a 5:30 ayem and may not be around to tell fill y'all in, and I sure as hell don't feel like going over it now.
Posted by Broad8:42 PM
Friday, April 22, 2005
To the person who ripped off my safety pin
Yeah, you know, the giant Risdon safety pin I've used as my key chain forever? See, when I was, like, 8 or 9, my dad got it from one of his students, and he then gave it to me. So it's been mine for more than 20 years, and it has a lot of senitmental value. I don't expect YOU to understand that since it was so easy for you to GANK IT OFF MY KEYS, but that's the story.

I sincerely hope your children are born with herpes and that the damn pin gets stuck in your eye when you get hit by a bus. Jackass.
Posted by Broad6:09 AM
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Don’t try suicide; no one cares (Isn’t that a Queen song?)
A close friend of mine (who shall remain nameless for our purposes here) was dating this dude, and dude turned out to be BatShitCrazy -- like, as in, she had a law enforcement pal look up the deets on this guy to find that dude had stalking and battery charges all over the Midwest, right!?!? Yeah, so after blowing him off all weekend, he calls her earlier this week to give her the guilt about not wanting anything to do with his sorry ass, and what does he do? The ol' suicide bit, which she didn't buy into, obviously, because this is a conversation she had with another one of her friends about it:
CFoM: Yeah, so anyway it was like 2:00 in the morning and he kept going on and on and finally I just said, Look, Ive only got four more hours before I have to get up to go to work. And then he said, well Ive only two more hours before I have to kill myself.
Her pal: You should have said, man you better get some sleep, too then!

To which we laaaaaaaaughed and laaaaaaaughed ...

Now, I've had people in my day try to pull that with me -- one a particularly odious little troll who had pretty bad renal disease, the others a close friend from high school and Mother (!) -- and I used to get all freaked out about it; I mean, they say you can't tell when someone's really serious about doing it, so you shouldn't take any chances.

Yeah, well, in my experience*, you CAN tell when someone's not serious about it. Know how? When THEY'RE TRYING TO GUILT YOU INTO TALKING THEM OUT OF IT, that's how. There's a reason people who're grieving suicide victims say they never saw it coming -- because the victim never let on that they were going to do it. If you've got someone flaunting it your face, they got problems, all right, but the will to live ain't one of them.
Posted by Broad1:35 PM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I’m LUSTY!
Mer made me do this one after she and her teacher pals did it:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level | Score Purgatory | Very Low Level 1 - Limbo | Very Low Level 2 | Very High Level 3 | High Level 4 | Moderate Level 5 | Moderate Level 6 - The City of Dis | Moderate Level 7 | Moderate Level 8- the Malebolge | Very High Level 9 - Cocytus | High Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html Take the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv
Posted by Broad5:31 PM
Now THIS one makes me queasy
Remember my story on the "gross-out" game last week? The verdict was handed down last night, and I was there. The story and my thoughts after the jump.
Posted by Broad1:46 PM
I notice NWI Hillbilly was not among the choices

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English
10% Yankee
5% Dixie
5% Midwestern
5% Upper Midwestern

[Horked from Snidgey]
Posted by Broad10:21 AM
Monday, April 18, 2005
Think I’m kidding, do you?
You're definitely one of the coolest chicks I know. You're witty, fun, and thoughful!! What can I say, you're a great chick!! Thanks for the email! pb (opie)

I'm just not buying "witty," though. Smartass? You betcha. But "witty" to me implies someone erudite and suave, and last time I checked, I ain't neither of them no how.
Posted by Broad6:06 PM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Name that stump, yo
No, seriously. It's for a friend who recently had a good chunk of his leg removed because of diabetes. Although personally, I rather enjoy "Florence."
Will says, "It needs a nickname because no man should have a body part named Stumpy." The hospital staff has been pretty funny. A lot of the time in front of patients and visitors, they refer to "residual limbs." However in the heat of reading treatment plans to each other in hallways, they use "stump" as in "He'll be getting his stump shrinker next week." WS says he can't lie there groaning on the mat in physical therapy muttering, "Come on, Stumpy" or "Come on, [bleep].]" I guess. I suggested Elvis, but this didn't resonate. He said that a proper name would be fine, though, and yes, he'd want a male's. "Florence would be a move in the wrong direction," he said. He has brought this up several times, so I hope you'll all pitch in. Third prize is his description of the stump shrinker.

So anyway, you'd think this would be an easy thing for me since I tend to give nicknames to everyone and everything, but alas, since I've established no personal intimacy with said stump, I'm not feeling it. Therefore, I leave it to you to cut my dilemna down to size.
Posted by Broad6:39 PM
Ow. My head
Damn, has Hooks' (my slutty yet previously svelte neighbor downstairs) gotten HUUUUUUGE. I mean, sure, I'm certainly not the most lithe specimen these days, but bitch should NOT be wearing sweatpants with elastic at the ankle. Holy shit. God help her if she's using her anal beads these days because them things is going to get lost up in there, is all I'm saying.

So you know how I tout the whole drinking water along with mass quantities of alcohol as keeping one headache-free after a night out? Yeah, that means you should probably also drink a lot more water during normal business hours; the ol' melon was throbbing unpleasantly this morning. Pair that with the boys playing "Attack Mommy's arm as if we're in Commando training," and you've got one fairly puffy broad who looks like she couldn't get the needle in. Just the same, last night was a good time. Still not a fan of going out by myself and likely won't do it again if I can help it, but I didn't die or anything, and I was surrounded by people I like. And I'm still totally cheesing over Opie and his girl -- it's kinda like I wanna squish 'em or something, but not in that "Ok, y'all are making me want to stab you in the eye with my pen" kind of way. I admit it: That kind of happiness makes me happy, too. Or maybe it's because Opie said he thinks I'm witty, which I think he was just drunk, but you know, we take our victories where we can, right!?

Oh, and our version of Creepy McCreeperson didn't fail to disappoint, either. Dude, you MUST thin out that Hipster mess on your head; if you have to use THAT MUCH gel to get it to lay down, it ain't working. Seriously.
Posted by Broad8:03 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Opie’s got a grrrrrl-friend
Well, unless you consider someone not being able to get their one-hitter to work a bad thing, tonight's stag outing was a good time had by all. All the right people were there, and I;m sifficitnely fucked-up (as you can see by the pathetic spelling). And? The one particular bad thing I convinced myself was happening isn't (n\]]]]]]]]]]]] (that's one of my cats, not me), so yay! (Not that another bad thing isn't happening, but whatever THAT is is a doablle thing. And yeah, I know I haven't shared what all these nbad things could be, but a girl's gota have some secrets, rigght@?!?)

Anyway, the exciting news is that Opie, our friend from the Mer summer trip, is dating the cutest girl in the universe, anfd evern though they're, like, only just into their whole thing, I hope this is a keeper, because she;s just darling, anf they look so happy together. Yay conventional relationships! Woo!
Posted by Broad10:23 PM
Alone, together …
All right, so I'm about to do something I rarely do and don't like doing but am going to do it anyway: I'm staggin' it to Bite the Lime tonight.

If anything bad happens, it's Snidgey's fault for not calling me back and talking me out of it.
Posted by Broad4:21 PM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

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