Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

F'ed-up family

Thursday, June 15, 2006
Get into the mood/Madge you got to prove/your worth to meeeeeeee …
In about six hours, I'm going to be sitting in the United Center watching the goddess of all things pseudosacreligious with BFKAS and B-Dubs. My baby sister went last night and said she was freakin' phenomenal, but I just can't seem to get myself psyched up. For 135 bones, this better be good.
Posted by Broad4:31 PM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
$2 Chuck, and I don’t mean the wine
There's this dude who covers for the competition one of the munis I've now been covering regularly for the past few weeks, and can I just tell you about the pants this guy wears? He has a pair of brown polys and a pair of what can only be described as blood-red polys that have been washed many times since the '70s, when he no doubt bought them. And these pants are so tight, you can see his underbundies in them -- and they're NOT boxers, and I doubt they're tighty whiteys. I'm guessing they're colored briefs, and that scares me. A lot. Because he's, like, in his late 40s, and no homie should be wearing colored briefs, but especially in his late 40s. (shudders)

So, how many of you have been wondering what's been going on with the immediate members of my bio-fam lately? Anyone? It's been ... not unpleasant. In fact, it's been downright cordial. Tenuous, certainly, but cordial. And are you ready for this? I even got a birthday e-mail from the woman formerly referred to as ****. (Continuing to call her that wouldn't be in the spirit of reconcilliation, I reckon so I guess I'm going to have to come up with a less-negative pseudonym.) It was belated, but I still got one, which is, like, HUGE. Seriously. And I can't say I'm not unpleased by this turn of events, but y'all knew that already, didn't you?

There's no doubt that some of you are downright puzzled dubious freaked the fuck outconcerned about this turn of events, and you're not the only one; more than once has it crossed my mind that there's an ulterior motive to this change of heart. But I'm tired now. However, you know what y'all didn't do for me for my birthday? You didn't put yourselves on the map. Go do it.
Posted by Broad2:46 AM
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Alone again … thank GOD
Did I tell y'all that Cousin Nancy and her boyfriend had been crashing at Chez Broad since Tuesday night? Yeah, some huge drama involving her boyfriend's brother going to jail for stealing Nancy's wallet and a whole bunch of other stuff, and the boyfriend's mother got all pissed off at Nancy for having him put in jail, so she kicked them out, so on and so forth. Anyway, so they were here, and I have to say, they were perfectly lovely guests. And the new boyfriend is totally in love with Nancy and treats her like a queen, but I must admit that I'm a little concerned that Nancy, who has inherited her mother's temper to the letter, may end up stomping him into submission. More importanttly, though, I just want the two of them to get their heads out of their asses and a) finish school (Nancy) and b) get the hell out of dodge, because neither has a real stable homelife, and they need to get somewhere away from all the crap.
Posted by Broad1:15 PM
Friday, July 22, 2005
More victories for the taking
Is there nothing more gratifying than seeing your ex-boyfriend from college -- the boyfriend who cheated on you constantly yet freaked the hell out whenever you got a li'l sum'in on the side; the one who gave you crabs and never told you but accused you of giving him a recurring STD -- all squinty and bloated and driving a navy blue minivan? I don't think there is. I rather enjoyed it, in fact.

Ok, since I haven't made it much of a secret anymore (plus the fact that Crackhead's mom/my aunt already knows and is all for it), here's the deal: The detective called me Wednesday to let me know that he had talked to my uncle, who proceeded to tell him that just that morning, six squads surrounded and searched his crib looking for Crackhead. Why? Because she has a warrant out on her for skipping court -- quite possibly Fed, because she was supposed to be a federal witness against a doctor-cum-candy man who was dishing out the Xanies, Vikes and Somas like Charlie. But whatever, my uncle told the detective that it has been nothing but sheer hell for him and his family since Crackhead started on this shit and that he's had enough. So Saturday night when he goes to pick her up from the airport? It's do not pass go, do not collect $200 for ol' Crackhead; he's taking her straight to the pokey and turning her in. And I have no doubt that he'll do it, too. He still contends that he saw her around the time that I called them that night and is going to make a statement to that effect, but the detective thinks that he's more than likely just confused about the time.

At any rate, the detective is going to pay her a little visit when she's settled in the pokey and approach her with the "Ok, look, you're already in here, why don't you just get it out in the open and make life easier for yourself?" tack. I mean, at this point, I just want to hear her say she did it, fuck everything else. The likelihood of that is slim to none, but you know, her ass is going to be in JAIL, so it could happen.

In the meantime, guess where I'm going tonight? No idea? I be doin' the bus demolition at the Sppedway tonight. Pictures at 11 (or whenever I get back.)
Posted by Broad3:55 PM
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

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Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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