Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
STAT GIRL! (cue Batman music)

It’s official and everyone can rest easy: I have in fact done my civic duty and voted my freakin’ ass off. And you know what the best part was? Voting a big fat NO! to retaining Diane Boswell as a judge. I swear to God, I have NEVER seen such screwed up sentencing as I have from that woman, and I sincerely hope the victims who were hurt by her far outnumbered the criminals who got off with slaps on their wrists. I also completely threw caution to the wind and voted for whoever’s running against Van Til and Philpot (for the NWIers in the hizzy), even though I know NOTHING about their credentials other than they’re Republican. And I ALSO voted for our incumbent governor, if you must know. That’s a horribly unpopular choice for many Hoosiers, but love him or hate him, no one can deny he’s actually DONE stuff, and a good portion of said stuff hasn’t been detrimental to the state. If Long-Thompson gets in, however, I won’t be disappointed as long as she keeps to her word about getting rid of tax abatements for incoming companies. (They don’t NEED them!)

In other news, I will be spending my evening at Lake County Guvmint Complex reprising my role as STAT GIRL! (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!), which I love. Hell, since the major networks will no doubt be there in full force to see what Lake County does, you may even see me slinkin’ around. I’ll try to wear something bright and festive so you don’t miss me.


Posted by Broad11:44 AM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Oh, Peggy

Did it not occur to you that when you yourself write a missive talking about your son, you kinda throw plum out the window the right to threaten anyone with legal action if they mention his name? I’m guessing you didn’t, because you called the paper all fired up over it, but yeah no, honey. You don’t get to do that without looking like a total nutjob. And YOU, PVT, calling me from home and stuff. Not sure what you wanted, but my story was correct: You were reprimanded, and rightfully so; I mean, just because you HAVE the influence doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to throw it around. And I know how that is—people ask me to “wield my influence” (such that it is, and believe me, all MY influence is going to get you is an eyeroll, if you’re lucky) all the time, but that doesn’t mean I do it. But you know, y’all can go ahead and hire an attorney if you like. You’ll LOSE, but whatever.

Lessee, what else ... Girlie had a pregnant Hooters waitress wait on her when she took her daughter there for lunch Sunday. She said it was pretty horrifying.


Posted by Broad8:54 PM
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sometimes all it takes is ONE THING

to comPLETEly piss up my rope and all but ruin everything else: Last week, I went on eBay and found the exact Waterford champagne flutes I bought my sister 10 years ago for her wedding (they’d gotten smashed in a moving or some other incident), so I bought them for her anniversary coming up and sent the seller HER address along with my payment. Well, the seller asked three different times to resend the address, which I did, but then something told me to go look at the listing to make sure it got paid, etc. What did I find? The seller RELISTED THE FLUTES. Oh. It is SO. ON. NOW. MOTHERFUCKER. I comPLAINED on your stupid ass.

(ahem)

I know y’all have been waiting with bated breath to hear how my 20th went. No no, it’s all right. I mean, it’s huge stuff, so you don’t have to front. I gotcha. So, does Awesome.Freakin’.TASTIC tell you anything!?? Now, my feet are still swollen from standing all night despite wearing flats with no support in them whatsoever—good thing I didn’t wear the Manolos—but I’m Ok with that because it was such a good time. Ann hooked me up Friday with a super-hot outfit when we went shopping Friday afternoon and then blew out my hair Saturday while I had my car detailed; my fake eyelashes didn’t end up somewhere else on my face by the end of the night; and I saw and talked to all the people I wanted to talk to—even the ones I might never have talked to anywhere else.

There were, naturally, observations:

1) Either my weight gain or new hair color (dark, dark brown) threw people off or they like the rest of the world just don’t recognize me without my glasses, but I kept getting these glances like “Who IS that?” for about the first 1/2 hour;
2) While everyone talked with everyone else in the hallway where the open bars were, once we got inside the banquet room, it looked exactly like the lunchroom Senior year, with all the cliques congregating at their various tables. Not sure why I thought it would be different, and I guess I really didn’t, but it was still funny to see; and
3) Centennial Park is a just a spectacular place to hold an event, landfill and cancer-causing agents* be damned.

I also have to say that the women in my class look amazing for our “advanced” age. Guys are guys, but the broads looked HOT.


Posted by Broad8:48 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
The one where Girlie has a Broad moment
Wait ... this might be 30 years too late, but did Lutheranism come from Luther?

-- asked while I was helping BoyGirlie study for his History quarterfinal Sunday night

Posted by Broad1:07 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
How much y’all want to bet

that if Uncle Peepaw and Bible Spice (thanks Jez who coined the term!) lose the election, she’s going to hit the talk-show circuit/tell-all memoir circuit with a story of how she was “coerced” into making all those racist comments* and just didn’t hear those calls to kill Obama, doggoneit! because she would’ve NEVER let it all happen if she were allowed to campaign the way SHE wanted to, because she’s NOT racist, nosiree.

Just a thought (but mark my words; I give it a year).


Posted by Broad7:05 PM
If it’s right, why does it feel so wrong?

So I did something Wednesday that I haven’t done in, oh, something like two years, I think. Ready?

I am now the proud owner of a current valid drivers license.

This comes as no shock to my crew, who’ve had to haul my ass around and hold their breaths while I get carded since I finally admitted my lack of license (don’t worry—I may not look like I’m approaching 40, but I’m still not cute enough to pass as under the age at which it’s appropriate to card), but it shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of y’all, either, because truth be told, I’m kind of an asshole when it comes to stuff. Here’s what happened: I got dinged for speeding in late February or early March 2006 (twice within a week, as I recall); paid my tickets and was told I needed to go to defensive driving. Thing about that was, having gone through DD before several years ago during my last spate of speeding infractions, I seemed to recall the cost as being something like $90, which I didn’t have at the time. And then I forgot to sign up, and then I forgot I forgot and so on and so forth until my license was suspended (and yes, they DO send out the paperwork). Fast forward to April, I was heading down to my accountant’s for the annual buttrapemy taxes when I got pulled over. And the officer discovered my suspended license. Said officer was kind enough to NOT impound my car and wrote me a ticket far less than my actual speed. But did that prompt me to reinstate my license? Of COURSE not, because now that it was suspended, I figured the fee was MUCH more than $90 and I had to prepare for that kind of coin.

Then my first court date in August came and went—it was deferred since I was still a scofflaw—and I decided I’d better take care of this nonsense, so I called downstate to find out what I needed to do to become legal again. The lovely gentleman told me all I had to do was take the DD course I’d put off. “Really? That’s IT!??” I said in utter shock. “Yep, should cost you no more than $50.” Well, hot PISS! I thought, I can do this right quick!

Except I didn’t and deferred two more court dates before sitting my ass down at the computer to TAKE THE COURSE. Hey, I told y’all I was an asshole about this stuff.

In what has to be my punishment for being such a dick, y’all can rest assured that the picture is horRENdous—my face is too small for my head and my hair is HUGE on one side because I made the mistake of pulling it outside my collar (first mistake: wearing a collared shirt in the first place) without benefit of a mirror. None of that, however, compares with my Peter Griffin butt-chin, which is more prominent than I’ve seen it in forever. But you know, now that I have my license back, I kind of feel all out of sorts, like it’s not normal to not be a scofflaw. Is that weird?

Next up: getting my license plate renewed. Then I’ll be COMPLETELY legal (It was due in August.). The question, however, is will I still be the exciting, mysterious rebel I’ve become by having a suspended license all this time? Only time will tell, I reckon ...


Posted by Broad1:21 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Is that what you call it?

Ever get wind of something you know is only half the story, and you’re hugely offended and feel the need to bring your side to the table even though you’re so much better off not being involved, and anyways it’s not like your side makes a difference?

Eeeeyeah.

No, not going to share with the class, except to offer a bit of advice: In every relationship you have that goes bad, when you’re sitting there justifying your reasons to get out of it—and of course there are great reasons to get out of relationships that don’t make you happy; not saying not to—do yourself a favor and make sure you’re completely aware of YOUR part in it, if for nothing else than to not repeat the same shit* over again with the next unsuspecting schmuck.


[*And when I say “repeat the same shit,” what I mean is not subject the next unsuspecting schmuck to said shit, though the other interpretation works as well.]


Posted by Broad10:41 AM
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Time once again to get my hands on a bat

Last night, the boys and I settled in for the night with jammies and blankies and stuff when I promptly fell asleep after watching the first half of SNL (yeah, I know, missing two of the best skits, but I already caught Mary Poppins, and that one’s tons better than Lawrence Welk. I about died with that one). And then I woke up about 1:45 a.m. to what I thought was the sound of someone knocking on my sliding door.

Which leads out to my balcony.

ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THE BUILDING.

But I wasn’t sure until I heard it a second time, and yeah, it was distinct knocking followed a few seconds later by a kick to the window, maybe? So I did what any normal person would do and FROZE THE FUCK UP ON THE COUCH FOR AN HOUR, not moving a muscle because both my phones were out of reach, and since the blinds to the balcony were open, I didn’t want who- or whatever was back there to see me. So I waited patiently for doom to fall when tired got the best of me and I got up and went to bed, where oddly enough my window was opened and I can usually hear what’s going on in back WHEN I’M AWAKE. But there was nothing, and I fell asleep after an hour of wondering if it’s illegal to get my hands on some barbed wire to wrap around the balcony railing. Oh, and wondering why, if the person didn’t know me, they would knock (unless they DO know me, in which case, I would think she’d have learned that yes, I DO call the cops on family members).

Now, I’ve got the blinds closed and everything on extra-super lockdown, which I hate because it makes me feel closed in. Seriously, though, who the hell would knock on the door of the person they’re trying to rob or worse!??


Posted by Broad7:42 PM
Friday, October 03, 2008
Ok, you guys?

She gave Amurricans a “shout-out.”

WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU!??


Posted by Broad9:50 AM
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Peeeeeek-a-boo! Peeeeeek-a-boo! (with apologies to Siouxsie)

Forget the obvious politics here for a sec, but there’s something about Putin’s head here that just kinda makes me giggle, especially when you put with it either the theme from Jaws or “The Imperial March” from The Empire Strikes Back:

image

[Ganked from tailfeather at ButterCup Punch, who in turn ganked it from BoingBoing]


Posted by Broad10:18 AM
Monday, September 29, 2008
But she’s still good to have a beer with, right?

Because it’s not hard to drink beer and carry on a conversation, at least for most: Lookit.

Better yet, maybe the party should just get her rip-roaring shit-faced before she debates. Couldn’t be any worse than the crap she’s been putting out in the two interviews the party LET her do. Gad. What an embarrassment to the gender.


Posted by Broad8:35 AM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Interesting

Lookit

And here’s my favorite part:

Unreadiness can be corrected, although perhaps at great cost, by experience. Can a dismaying temperament be fixed?


Good question.


Posted by Broad7:22 AM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
What was that about “more training and education?”

Lookit.

Guess it’s a good thing I work in a crap-paying industry, or I’d REALLY be pissed about the money I’m getting screwed out of.

So lately I’ve been trying to determine which presidential candidate was responsible for the whole “I want to be able to have a beer with the common man” shtick. Was it Shrub? Clinton? As far back as Reagan (for me, anyway; I was only 10 when he took over)? Further than that? Whoever it was, he deserves a swift punch in the throat. If I wanted my leader to be so accessible that he or she would join me at G-Town for a couple beers, I’d run as a write-in, ferchrissake. I mean, I don’t know about y’all, but there isn’t one person with whom I have drunk beer in the last 20 years that I would want running this country, so how did that even become a consideration?

(And yes, I DID read the Salon-Paglia opus on Palin. To that I say unequivocally: Any woman who posits that rape is a biological male imperative does not and WILL NOT represent me EVER.)

Aaaaaaand ... let’s stop talking about this.

Instead, let’s talk about why I’m wide awake: For the first time in I don’t know how long, Poppy and I took the Peapod for a bike ride this evening. I KNOW, but it’s not like the 80-some collective pounds we gots to lose prior to our 20th in October ain’t gonna melt off by themselves. (Heh) Yep, Pop has agreed to go. She’s much more zen about it than I am—I’ve been going back and forth between, “Yeah, whatever,” and “Wow, do you think maybe they’ll think I’m cool now? Do you? Do you?” much to Poppy’s delight since she’s been making fun of me about it ever since I turned in my check. I’m annoyed, though, that the ensemble I planned to wear has already been seen by another classmate, but how was I supposed to know a former classmate was going to show up at the Bang-Bang grand opening, which was super-fantastic as only Ann and Ben can make it? I suppose it didn’t help that, upon walking in and seeing her chatting with Ben, I had to go up and hug him, as if she gives a shit that he and I are tight. Probably could’ve gotten around it unseen. Crap.


Posted by Broad10:55 PM
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Things media people say when we’re bored
I do that in my spare time. The next big, deep thought could be like the invention of the next paper clip, rubber band or battery-operated personal massage device.

It involved less travel than my other hobby: Global macro-economics and how it related to atomic fusion and habanero peppers.

-- [redacted], on figuring out “the big picture”

Posted by Broad8:49 AM
Monday, September 08, 2008
Using “nadir” wasn’t my idea

As always, I compared this version to my original, and something seems off in the editing, but I can’t put my finger on what, exactly.

Anyway, Mr. Nader was lovely to talk to and extremely gracious to me and everyone who interrupted us. And, believe it or not, there was only one woman who heckled him (and walked away before he could get in a word—to which he replied, “See the political bigotry? They don’t even want to discuss it. It’s a uniquely American phenomenon.") The rest were either fans or starfuckers, but whatever the case, it was a good interview, and love him or hate him, you have to give give him props for being a true believer.

HAMMOND—Shoring up Independent Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader’s resolve is never daunting, but it might not always be as easy as reading the newspaper.

Nader, who with his vice presidential candidate, Matt Gonzalez, stopped at the Cracker Barrel to talk exclusively with the Post-Tribune, pointed to the article before he even sat down. The two stopped in Indiana, then backpedaled to Lansing, Ill., as part of their weekend tour of the Midwest.

The article, which discussed leasing public assets, chills him to the core every time.

“This 75-to-99-year leasing turns colonialism on its head and is very bad for consumers; in this article, it says the tolls will rise to $25 by 2050,” he said. “It’s the corporate takeover of America. We’ve outsourced the military with Blackwater and Haliburton, and now the contract specialists who wrote those contracts are outsourcing their work to different countries.”

Working overtime

With seven states left to go in their quest to get on the ballot, Nader, 74, and Gonzalez are working overtime to get their platform to the masses. Supporters in Indiana will have to write-in their names as Nader-Gonzalez won’t be on the ballot.

Their platform includes items he says Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain have taken “off the table,” such as a 6-month, comprehensive negotiated military and corporate withdrawal from Iraq; single-payer, Canadian style free-choice health insurance; a living-wage and repeal of the anti-union Taft-Hartley Act; and a no-nuke, solar-based energy policy supported by renewable and sustainable energy sources.

Solar energy is a change he’s touted for years, and many utility executives to whom he’s spoken prefer wind power as the next energy source, he said.

Furthermore, once big companies have the same environmental standards, it removes the argument of one corporation getting preferential treatment over another.

In order to bring jobs back to Northwest Indiana and the rest of the country, for that matter, the fastest way to do that would be creating public works efficiency much like the “New Deal” did so many years ago.

More community policing

And instead of throwing more money toward law enforcement, he would rely more on community policing and rehabilitation instead of incarceration when it comes to many drug infractions.

Getting states to back off on abatements for new businesses may be a tough battle, but the public should know abatements are really just “icing on the cake” for corporations; corporations choose a site based on labor and location, not abatement.

Nader said he argued with Gov. Mitch Daniels over the Indiana Toll Road leasing, to no avail. Daniels did, however, listen to Nader when he suggested that all contracts forged with the state of Indiana be put online for the public to see. Indiana’s the first state in the country to do that, he said.

Mostly, Nader and Gonzalez want to see the country stop the speculation using the country’s capital.

“Betting on bets upon bets,” he said, produces nothing when the capital can be redirected to where it needs to go, such as infrastructure.

As for the other two candidates, Nader declined to discuss them outside of their issues. Gonzalez did, however, speak to his own credentials as the vice presidential candidate.

“I was President of San Francisco’s City Council, which has twice the budget and population of Alaska and Delaware,” he said.



Posted by Broad3:33 PM
Page 4 of 87 pages « First  <  2 3 4 5 6 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



Save the Net Now



/> Wanna make a bunch of money doing what you're doing right now?

Hey Webmasters! - Make $$$
The AllPosters.com Affiliates Program is a great way to make money with your website. All you have to do is place links on your site to AllPosters.com. When your site visitors click on your links and make purchases at AllPosters.com, you earn 25%-30% of the sale. Sign up today!

Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

powered by
EE Core

script assistance by
scriptygoddess

hosted by
wiredhub

This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

image




<< chicago blogs >>



Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Support Bloggers' Rights!
Support Bloggers' Rights!






online