Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
It. won’t. DIE.
Have you heard what those marketing bastards at Ford came up with now!?!? The "Focus and a Dell" commercial, only they 1) changed the co-pimp on it, and 2) rerecorded the jingle to sound more like "Hey Ya!" You know, because that'll make it LESS ANNOYING.

In the immortal words of Sideshow Bob as he shuddered each time he stepped on the rakes, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuh."
Posted by Broad3:15 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Love your blog mistress
So, MT was eating everything I was giving it, right? And so I e-mailed Joelle whining about it, and not only does she totally fix it, she saves my entry. She's so hot.

Oh, and so she doesn't have to repeat it, here's what she says about why it's acting all goofy, in case any Moxie folk are having problems.
Posted by Broad8:18 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Choices result in lesson learned, whining
I had another bizarre dream last night, but this got my attention first:
Posted by Broad7:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, June 07, 2004
Dad’s still around
No, I didn't forget about my dad entries over the weekend; I just wasn't feeling him, and I wasn't ready to get into the ugly stuff surrounding his death, because it's coming, and soon.

But here's something: Dad lives with me now, his ashes residing on top of the entertainment center/bookcase. Mother wasn't ready to bring him home with her, so I said he can hang out with me until such time that I can get up to the Boundary Waters of Canada to release him. Mother, however, wants me to put a little of his ashes by her parents graves, which I absolutely refuse. I mean, what if I end up putting his head there, or another body part he might need in the ether?
Posted by Broad7:58 PM • (0) Trackbacks
People like the damnedest things
Ok, so I got sidetracked by some porn today (don't ask), and I have to throw this out here: What's sexy about a woman sucking her own nipple?

PLEASE don't tell me it's because she can, because it doesn't fly. I mean, I don't care if a dude can fellate himself -- I'm STILL not going to find that appealing in any way. I'm just not. So, what am I missing, here? Ladies? Gentleman?
Posted by Broad2:25 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Keep ‘em coming
So my house, right? The bidding stopped at $350K. Considering the property was assessed at $435K, the owner was like, "Oh HELL no." That, coupled with the tarot card reading I had Saturday that said I'm in an extremely lucky phase right now and should go out and buy lottery tickets, tells me we are going to be throwing one hell of a bash when that house is ALL MINE. Just kidding. Sort of.

Oh, and here's something I horked from Amber, because she was kind enough to admit she's giving me linky love.
Posted by Broad10:36 AM • (0) Trackbacks
It ain’t a dream until Paris is involved
The details for it are getting hazy at this point, but I blame this one on my crazy aunt, who I was on the phone with until shortly before I hit the sack last night.
Posted by Broad7:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Rooting them out, one at a time
Yet another one adding me to their blogroll: Jeff, over at Jeff's Darn Blog.

Now, to the other three people who've added me: It would be easier for me to embarrass you if you dropped in and said "Hello," you know.
Posted by Broad4:01 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Got the gooood stuff, bay-bay
My draught? No. Longer. Heh. Oh, and I got my hair re-dyed yesterday. I'd show you a picture, but MT's acting all fucked-up.

So, there were a couple of memes out there this week that were tempting, but I went with this one. Hork at your convenience.

[Horked from Zoot]
Posted by Broad8:18 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, June 04, 2004
While we’re on sex …
Dad had an interesting way of handling the whole virginity issue with me: by not handling it at all, yet not ignoring me at the same time. I was a freshman -- it was June 1985, so I was still one at the time -- and I was all freaked out because my best friend at the time had just lost hers to the degenerate she was dating, and her parents found out about it. (How, I don't remember, but I know they did.) And so we (meaning the family) and I were at one of my cousin's high school graduations, and as Dad and I were standing in the driveway admiring my other cousin's new Trans-Am (Hey! I said it was the '80s), I started talking to him about my friend's dilemma in typical high school drama mode. He listened to me, and then I hit him with it:

"Dad, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

Yeah, the thought of me asking Dad about anything sexual completely squicks me out now -- I didn't even see the man naked until he was on his deathbed, for Chrissake, not once in my then 31 years of life -- but for some reason, it was important that he tell me. And before I go on, I need to point out here that Mother was a virgin when she got married at 27, and believe me, there's no question that she was.

Anyway, so I ask him, and he looked at me and told me it was none of my business. He wasn't shitty about it or anything, but that was that. It kind of makes me wonder now if he wasn't a virgin when they got married, and he told Mother he was, or if he was just that kind of squirrelly about talking sex with me.
Posted by Broad7:11 PM • (0) Trackbacks
If I were a long-tailed rodent …
My name would be Bushy McNutt.

Sweeeeeet.

[Find your inner squirrel here, courtesy of Cornelia]
Posted by Broad12:12 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Broad-ening the love
We have three new people who like me enough to include me on their rolls: Give a big howdy-do to Kerry and Amy, who I've had on my roll for awhile now. The third person I have yet to find, but they will be properly embarassed accordingly when I do.
Posted by Broad10:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
When having a hillbilly ride is NOT hot
That would be when you're driving in front of the development director of a municipality who you 1) just met, 2) think is damn hot and 3) notice is NOT wearing a wedding ring.

But see, had he continued following me, I would've gotten him back to the Cline Avenue exit, which he was NOT going to get to from the street on which he turned. So see? I at least have my lay of the land knowledge going for me. His loss, I tell you.
Posted by Broad6:59 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, June 03, 2004
The drive behind my delinquency
As a high school teacher, Dad was always much more lenient than Mother ever was, although I'm sure most Gestapo were more lenient than she was when I was a teen. Because of that, there was never a unified front in our house, and mostly, it was Dad acquiescing to Mother's insane demands -- not the best of situations for a kid to grow up in, but no worse than 100 million other peoples', I'm sure. At any rate, that didn't stop Dad from conspiring to keep me under the radar, if only just to spite her. Like, when I was in lurve with my 21 year-old boyfriend, he covered for me, even though it was clearly not the wisest choice.

Especially cool was that Dad was the type of person you could tell anything to after the fact, and as long as you weren't hurt or hurt anyone else, he wouldn't get all apeshit on you -- like when I was 19 and dating my college boyfriend, who Mother HATED because she found out I was nailing him.
Posted by Broad7:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
My name’s Darlene. Wanna see my butt?
You know, why couldn't the guy have hit me up front, where I have little teeny rust spots from when I drove to Chicago every damn day? At least then I could've gotten a new hood out of it.
Posted by Broad3:46 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 3 of 4 pages « First  <  1 2 3 4 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

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