Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, October 15, 2004
It’s a damn jihad, yo
Don't you just hate it when you finally get things like this out of your head, and then one of your smartass friends LEAVES IT IN YOUR COMMENTS, ONLY TO REINFECT YOU!?!?!?! And then you want to beat your head against the desk until you bleed!?!?!?

One day, when you LEAST expect it, you'll pay for this, Dixon Hill. By God, you will.
Posted by Broad2:34 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Well, you ASKED …
Since only two people asked me questions (and one of them's getting impatient was nice enough to remind me wink ... and NO. Monty Python movie lines do NOT COUNT, you two), here you go:
Posted by Broad5:10 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Is it just me …
or did Shrub sound completely insincere when he talked about his faith? Because I TOTALLY didn't buy it.

Oh, and nothing like missing 3/4 of the debate because you thought you were on Eastern standard when you're really on Central. Der ...
Posted by Broad1:06 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
It’s ON, m’er f’ers
Seven minutes to debatin' time, and mark my words: Shrub is going to choke on the domestic, wire or not.
Posted by Broad11:54 PM • (0) Trackbacks
How old’s this guy!?!?!
Yet another thing from Mac, only this isn't fun -- it defies logic, that what it does. Lookit

The fucked-up thing about this for me? The dude is only. 30. years-old. The hell!?!? Now, I could see Grandpa pharmacist nearing retirement getting his panties in a wad, but a 30 year-old punk!?!? Betcha he's gotta be a virgin, because what!?!?
Posted by Broad1:06 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Stupid doctors not calling when they’re supposed to …
Ok, since she's been up to her eyeballs in absolutely dreadful teaching-degree crapola, here's the scoop on our friend Kaffy: Kaffy is waiting for the tests result to see if she is still cancer-free. As y'all may or may not know from reading her, Kaffy was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, what, about three years ago now. She's been cancer-free since then, but each year for five years after the surgery, she has to endure a full body scan, complete with a radioactive cocktail, to make super-special sure. Now usually, the doctors make her go off her thyroid meds altogether, which turns into a Kafkaesque nightmare wherein our heroine loses most of her brain functioning, and that's on top of having to eat basically lettuce for, like, six to eight weeks. (You know the novel Flowers for Algernon? There you go.) Although usually pretty funny, her losing brain function starts to suck about the fifth week. But this time, her doctor allowed a different, miniscule-y less accurate test in which she only had to go on a low-iodine diet.

Long story short, we're waiting for the test results, and how am I supposed to write good things about the test being negative if THEY WON'T CALL AND TELL US!?!?! Dammit.
Posted by Broad9:20 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Must be doin’ my job …
Either that, or y'all are tired of the "Ask me anything" meme, because no one? Wants to know anything else about me. Huh. Don't quite know how I should take that.

So, I'll hork another meme, this one from Mac: She asks that everyone pick the top five songs in their playlists that make them "cool" in the eyes of others, a la High Fidelity. So mine, in no particular order:
"Is That All There Is?" the Cristina version (Unfortunately, my white-trash ISP won't allow me to upload, but lemeno if you want it, because if you've never heard this version, you need to.)
"In These Shoes?" Kirsty MacColl
"Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe," Whale
"Rock is Dead," Marilyn Manson
"Needle Hits 'E'," Sugar

Posted by Broad2:57 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, October 11, 2004
No one’s ever accused me of being ‘Sunny’
But the rest? Absolutely. [From the lovely Whitters, again]
Posted by Broad2:47 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors, but …
Picked this up from Mac over at Pesky Apostrophe, where we both agree that the flip-flops in the picture? Are WAY cute. [NOTE: Since Kaffy pointed it out, the cute flip-flops are on Mac's page, not the link above.]

Our excellent taste in footwear aside, here's my question: Is there actually any hardcore proof that Shrub is as big a fundie Christian as he prides himself? Because it wouldn't be the first time that someone has pimped themselves out as one thing to get votes.

My next question should be that if that's the case, would the fundies have their undies in a wad over getting used like that, but I think they've already answered THAT one.
Posted by Broad12:55 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wanna know some secrets?
I'm going to be like the lovely Queen of Ass and throw open the Gallery du Peanut to y'all's questions. I'm up for anything, as long as you're not a smacked ass about it.

Answers tomorrow night, hopefully.

[CLARIFICATION: Since Kaffy and Og are being retarded, I MEANT questions about ME, ME, ME. Ergo, the only "swallow" anyone should be asking about is whether I do or not. mmmkay ...!?!?!? Sheesh.]
Posted by Broad2:03 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, October 10, 2004
So say you’ll help me, Mama, ‘cuz it’s getting so hard
Why didn't I remember that Kim Cattrall was in the last Star Trek flick? And Christian Slater with that walk-on? Comedy gold. Now, when William Shatner says "Lock n' load" on Boston Legal, it'll be that much more priceless.

Stopped by Customs to visit Jill today, and of course there's at least 15 more things I want in there (the new Aromatique oils -- Pomegranate and Pear, and Cinnamon Cider -- are a good start). But she made an interesting observation: When we had our little pow-wow a couple weeks ago, she said that I give off "smother-me-Mother" waves, as in, I could use a good mothering myself. And I was like, huh, that's not the first time I've ever heard that. The first time? Was in 7th grade with my cooking teacher, who everyone adored. She said that when I interacted with her, it was like I was wanted her to be my mom. She wasn't being mean to me or anything, but I remember it made me cry.

So see, Mother and BFKAS, the trouble thou hath wrought on poor, fragile me!?!?! That'll learn ya, I'm sure.
Posted by Broad12:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, October 08, 2004
Now, that’s what I’m talking about

[Courtesy of the lovely Whitters]

Posted by Broad3:25 AM • (4) Trackbacks
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
There’s a perfectly logical explanation …
for things such as finding someone's underbundies on the lawn. For example, perhaps the person was in a mad rush to get dressed and get out to an assignment, and as they ran to the car, perhaps a pair of previously worn underbundies could've been hiding in said person's pantsleg, and the person didn't notice they were there. And then, while running to the car, the offending underbundies could've slid ever-so-unnoticeably out of the pantsleg, to be left in a fluffy little heap on the parkway in front of the building.

Not that that happened to me on my way out today, but it could happen. (cough)
Posted by Broad6:27 PM • (0) Trackbacks
It’s a sickness, I tell you
E-mail between JB and me this morning re: his story about the Lake County cops finding a dude growing his own pot stash (my comment's first, natch):
When I sent it in the lede read "The volume of Cheetos going in and out of the Porter Street home should have been a tip-off," but I guess Diane thought that inapropriate. Imagine.

>> ---------- >> From: (Broad) >> Sent: Wednesday, October 6, 2004 9:39 AM >> To: JB >> Subject: You HAD to bring up the snacks, didn't you!?!?! >> >> "Members of the Lake County Drug Task Force stepped around scattered >> packages of snack cakes and bags of Cheetos on the floor of the bedroom >> ..." >> >> Fucking PRICELESS!

It's what we do, man.
Posted by Broad1:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
SWING, Bat-taaaaaah!
My biggest referrer this month, according to my stats, is dreamintegris, which appears to be some sort of intranet site for independent business owners. What independent business owner could possibly be interested in anything I have to say!?!?!

I have to share this story about the one guy, because a) I'm sure he won't mind, as he was damn proud as he told it, and b) it's now Reason #674 why I love him so. Now, y'all might not find it at all amusing, but it made me hot. Damn hot.
Posted by Broad1:16 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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