Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, August 12, 2005
Mother would be so proud
Him: Oh, c'mon! Just go there. You know you wanna.
Me: No. There's no earthly reason why assholes have to gape.

-- Me and him discussing the relative merits of this one Web site that I'm SURE he'll mention because he wants me to have that kind of crap coming here.
Posted by Broad10:36 PM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
I just noticed
that my tub of Vaseline is sitting on my desk, when it's usually in my linen closet. And my cousin and her boyfriend were staying in here.

Posted by Broad5:13 PM
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I’ll give you artistic license
Hey, everyone! Mac's hosting a coloring contest, so get your faux Kevyn Aucoin on and play along!


Here's the deets, and here's the pic.
Posted by Broad6:52 PM
Entirely too true
So much so, it's scary ...

[Begotten from the hot and spicy bitchbook]
Posted by Broad1:58 PM
Stupid harpy bats
Not only did the women judging the "Pretty as a Picture" pie baking contest this morning NOT let me talk directly to the judges, but they DIDN'T LET ME HAVE ANY PIE. AND they were mean.

I was promised pie, yo.
Posted by Broad1:11 PM
Death by … not bunga bunga, apparently
Did y'all see this about how Marilyn Monroe REALLY died, allegedly?


Pardon the pun, but holy shit.
Posted by Broad2:31 AM
Monday, August 08, 2005
Life and how short it is
Just got a call from Tara: Her father-in-law died today. From what they can tell, Mr. Kingston went out to the garage about 4:30 this afternoon to get something, and it happened then -- either he fell or had a heart attack or aneurysm or whatever kills people all sudden-like. When Sean found him, he was blue.

I was over at Tara's and Sean's last night; his older sister had a Tastefully Simple party, and we were hanging out and wrapping it up when Mr. and Mrs. Kingston stopped over on their way to church. We walked upstairs and complimented Tara on her redecorating acumen with the bathroom and laughed at how Sean is quite the redecorator himself with his direction in the Master bedroom. Then we came downstairs and, as Mr. K was pulling out his wallet to pay the sister for the stuff Mrs. K bought, I went up to him like, "Hey! since you're giving it away over here ..." And he laughed and gave me five, and then did it again to make 10. Then they went to church.

Needless to say, Sean is a basketcase right now, and Tara's not doing too much better.
Posted by Broad10:15 PM
Your first clue was …!?!

*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?
Created by ptocheia

-- Another from the hip and Sassy Rebel

Posted by Broad1:31 AM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
And it all goes straight to my ass
Y'all are the fairin'est, festin'est people I've ever met.

-- Snidgey upon hearing I was going to the Lake County Fair to cover the squash weigh-in today.
Posted by Broad7:18 PM
I just want to get laid. Is THAT so wrong?!?
I mean, Christ on a cracker, yo. What's a broad gotta do to get some action up in here!??! It's like, you can't still be pissed at me, right!?!? It was just a party, and now it's done. Can we PLEASE move on and get back to the hot monkey sex?!?! PLEASE!??! I'll beg if I gotta.

Oh, and then? My replacement cell phone lost a hinge, so now, I can't answer it like a normal person. So that makes TWO cell phones I have to replace. Sigh.
Posted by Broad1:21 AM
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
They’ll call it, “A Friendship to Die For” on the Lifetime channel
" 'Isn't it just like the old days, Meridith? Aren't you happy we're putting in the tape you like? Let's listen to some Serbian music!'

"Of course, no one will know until the body starts to smell, and there I'll be, watching all of Rebecca's favorite sitcoms. Then, when they're dragging her off in a straightjacket, she'll say 'Meridith's not going to like this! She'd tell you this is just like Communism!'"
-- Mer on Rebecca's mental state
Posted by Broad3:09 AM
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Fit as a fiddle (what does that even mean?)
From the lovely Col:
Posted by Broad4:32 PM
How about giving up the love
for my girl Snidge? Today's a rotten day, so she could use some of it.
Posted by Broad1:44 PM
Janie needs a gun …
Just when I thought I wasn't going to have talk about Crackhead anymore, I get this: Her one dealer friend? Wants to shut me up.

Like that?

The story goes that Crackhead said the guy "heard" from his "cop friend on the force in which I live" that I was asking about him, and that if she didn't shut me up, he'd have to "take care of it." Well, she was like, "I don't even talk to her," but she saw to it that I got word. Translation: When I reported the burglary, I told the detective that the reason she was even out here in my area is because she was hanging out with some dude in town. So, the cops probably came to his house looking for her, and he got pissed and bitched at her about it. I mean, seriously, the town force here isn't that big that it would likely even have officers in cahoots with dealers. What the fuck is she talking about?


Nevertheless, this guy allegedly called my uncle/her dad looking for me, so I'm going to talk to my uncle tomorrow and see if he brings it up. If he does, I'm then going to have him call the cops and verify it so I can file a complaint. That way, if I end up dead or beaten within an inch of my life, it'll be less work for them.

Just kidding. Sort of.
Posted by Broad3:42 AM
Of course we’re alike
Although, I'm probably a little more twisted than la Snidge:
Posted by Broad12:16 AM
Page 2 of 2 pages  <  1 2
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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