Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Her big, fat Greek dinner
I was too busy shoveling it into my mouth trying not to look at the suction cups on everything. But at least the fish didn't have eyeballs.

-- Mer on eating Greek food with her new boyfriend.
Posted by Broad11:06 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Oh, Oprah. How utterly disappointing
Got to reading the whole James Frey-A Million Little Pieces controversy yesterday -- if you haven't read it, here t'is: Lookit. Well-executed, if lengthy, piece of investigating journalism. If you're not familiar and don't want to read the whole thing, here's a rundown: Frey wrote this book about his drug-, violence- and booze-addled life; it became a huge best-seller and eventually got the coveted Oprah seal of approval. Thing is, there were several passages that fell into the whole "if it seems too unreal, it probably is" scenario, so TSG investigated. The verdict? About the only thing they could prove true was that Frey spent time at Hazelden. According to its account, Frey even admitted to TSG (off the record, natch) that a lot of the stuff was written with dramatic license, even though to the outside world, he pimps it all as 1 million percent true.

Well, after Frey figured out that the TSG homies were sitting on his funeral pyre with a blowtorch, he freaked and sicced his lawyer on them, and then like a big dumbass posted on his Web site TSG's response to him -- which enumerates their off-the-record conversation in detail -- on his Web site, effectively ruining any defense he had about keeping stuff "off the record" in the first place. What posessed him to do that, I don't know -- perhaps he thinks because all these people bought the book and therefore bought into the lie, they won't buy stone-cold evidence.

But I digress.

I wish I would've watched Frey's Larry King interview last night, because according to AP, l'Oprah called in and stood by him, saying the only relevant point on which the masses should focus is that Frey was a drug addict who overcame his drug addictness. NOT that he wholesale fabricated or embellished to the nth degree THE ENTIRE BOOK and claims it's his life song-and-verse, but that he's a survivor.

I don't know how it is that I keep being amazed by the lengths in which people will go to protect their almighty dinero, but Jesus Christ, man! I mean, if it was mere getting facts wrong or that he pimped it as a work of fiction like he originally tried (but publishing houses wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole), that's one thing. But HE LIED. How could Oprah think it's a good thing to come out and support this guy!?? Is she screwing him or something? Because that's insane.

If you got the time, read TSG's report -- especially the part about how he took credit for a fatal accident in which he WAS NOT INVOLVED EVER. Un.real.
Posted by Broad1:49 AM
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Poor little homie
Did y'all see the article about little Cy, the ragdoll kitten?
Posted by Broad2:03 PM
Oh, the indignities befallen a 14-pound monster
I just watched a police officer sit across from my building for about 5 minutes, which wouldn't be disturbing except that when I came back from the vet with Rube, there was a silver Malibu sitting in the same spot. It's prolly nothing, but with the latest crap coming from the Crackhead camp these days, the paranoia's running a bit rampant, I must admit.

So, when the vet walks in with a 300-pound vet tech equipped with gloves and a towel, would that give y'all pause? Yeah, that's how it went down with Rube's appointment this morning. See the last time we were there, he BIT the vet, and I guess that was marked on his chart. Heh. Anyway, it turns out that the explosive diarrhea he's been having for the last month or so is apparently a direct result of the food I switched him to, so we need to go back to the old stuff. The doc said it could also be IBS -- which in cats is often a precursor to intestinal cancer -- but since Rube is relatively young and not showing signs of being sick, it's likely not. Oh, and there's the matter of giving him an antibiotic once every day for the next two weeks, though; thank God it's a liquid, because that might be marginally easier than shooting him a pill.

The best part of the appointment: When the woman vet tech tried to force Rube out of his carrier by tipping it forward, and he planted his front paws firmly against the lip of opening. My boy's a smart one, make no mistake. In fact, I was quite sure that had I left him alone in the carrier for any length of time, he'd have gotten himself out of it. Oh yes, he would. As it was, he was working on the lock as we were driving there.

[UPDATE: Okaaaaaaay ... A third officer was just here about an hour ago, but he parked down the street for about 10 minutes before pulling away. Curiouser and curiouser ...]
Posted by Broad7:15 AM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Bitter? I hardly know her
Is it entirely too cynical of me to think that, as I watched this group of kids at a school board meeting defend a program that's undergone big funding cuts, that they were just dorks looking for a place to belong*!?? Or am I merely observing the fact that of all people under the age, say, 18, one-millionth of a percent of them aren't completely socially retarded!??
Posted by Broad7:46 PM
Monday, January 09, 2006
You see the button—now DO IT!
delurk6.jpg

You know, since y'all are SLACKERS who won't get yourselves on the map.
Posted by Broad11:01 AM
If only my hair were still red
HASH(0x8b6fdd8)
What kind of demon are you? (great anime pics! For girls and guys!!)

brought to you by Quizilla

[And Sher, I'm voting for tweaked out and British.]
Posted by Broad6:46 AM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
My God, I think I’m in love
Watched Comedy Central's roast of Jeff Foxworthy last night, and to whom should I be introduced but this hunk of man meat. So just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, I've been watching "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again" off and on all day, and yep, it's official: Ron White is my new pretend celebrity boyfriend. He can make me go fetch him a Makers n' Coke anytime, I'll tell yew what. DAYum.

[UPDATE: Actually, my man drinks scotch, so perhaps I could fetch him a nice Glen Fiddich or Johnny Walker Blue Label and water. Dreeeeeaaaamy.]
Posted by Broad12:55 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006
Krispy Kreme was a good idea, too, except when it wasn’t
Just checked the competition's Web site before hitting the sack, and what do you know!?? It's going to have an interview with the guvner about his refusal to give out STIFs for retail.

Hmmph.

Oh, no, that's perfectly cool -- especially when the story they use to introduce it was a story I did several months ago on how sporting goods chain Gander Mountain has been actively campaigning to keep states from giving STIFs when it never asked for nor received that incentive. Even funnier, SO DID THE COMPETITION. So now, it's repeating itself to catch up. And sure, the editors over there may have had the interview planned all along. It still doesn't excuse repeating a story as if it's a first-run.

Man, I would've hated to be the reporter who biffed it originally. Ooof. And I like her, too.

Incidentally, I was talking to a source of mine about STIFs today, and he brought up an interesting point: Daniels and the IEDC don't want to give STIF for retail because it's not bringing in new money to the state, just shifting it around. And that's cool. There's only one problem: STIFs are good only when there's sales tax to be had, and retail is the only industry that generates it (at least to the degree it needs to make it work, anyway; I'm not sure how much sales tax is generated by manufacturing, for example).

Now, I didn't necessarily have a problem with granting STIFs for retail, because (after the way it works was explained to me for the fifth or sixth time before I understood it) it's a good economic development vehicle, and one that Lake County could use. The problem I have with it is that now that there's a Cabela's planned for Hoffman Estates, Ill., which is no more than two hours from NWI on a good day, and other sporting behemoth Bass Pro Shop planned for Portage -- not to mention a Cabela's in Milwaukee already, which is about three hours from here -- you've just saturated the market, and one of them is going to choke, taking with it at least some of the 300 to 400 jobs they promised to bring. One only has to look at Krispy Kreme to see that; when we got the one in Schererville, everyone was all apeshit over it (with good reason, of course, because mmmmm ... Krispy Kreme ...). But then Krispy Kreme went into uber expansion mode, and now, I can get one at the gas station up the street. True, I'm not getting my free hot doughnut when I run to Speedway, but the ones I buy from the Krispy Kreme to take home aren't warm and gooey, either, so what's my impetus to drive 15 minutes anymore?

Damn. Now I want a doughnut.
Posted by Broad11:25 PM
Oh, D.Ceeeeeee … I’m WAITING …
Our guvner comes out and says we're not giving the incentive NWI needs to bring the alleged economic savior on our trodden ground, and you're hyped up over unfunded liability!??

Homie, where's the love!??

Even better: The competition, which has spent inches and inches of ink devoted to wooing Cabela's so that it'll maybe advertise with them if it comes to towncovering Cabela's DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THE NEWS IN ITS STORY. I LOVE when that happens. Sigh.

After the jump, my work of staggering news acumen:
Posted by Broad7:21 AM
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Who’s doing that!??
Looked at my stats today, and I see that someone has looked up he of the overfed mop-top eight times in the last how many days since Jan. 1. Once again, it begs the question:


Why!??


What could you possibly want to know about him!?? Because then whoever's doing it comes here and never asks any questions. It's still creeping me out, man.

Got to cover our esteemed guvner's visit to NWI tonight at the Horseshoe Casino and got a fantastic story out of it that my fabulous chum Chris will no doubt post at his crib (ahem) and then pimp it out at the Indiana Blog Review as the answer to the $64 million question: Will Hammond, Cabela's get STIF* from Mitch!??
Posted by Broad7:20 PM
All hail jooooolie
for fixing my previously cocked-up comments! Now you can all comment with reckless abandon once again without getting a creepy error message! Wooo! It works so good, you might even be able to put trackbacks on this bitch again.

Also, give some joy over at Reese; her boyfriend loves her so much, he's going to marry her!
Posted by Broad9:45 AM
Chili cheese burritos at 1:30 a.m.? Off the list
Before CA called and woke me up this morning, I was dreaming that Mother was a heroin addict, and that I took off running down the street to escape her and addictness, but some scary men on bikes started to chase me, so I ran to the neighbors, and they staged an intervention of sorts, I think.
Posted by Broad5:54 AM
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
They’re reversible holiday dish towels
That was the gift over which I've been all worked up. Not quite what I thought it was going to be, but ... it's the thought, and I'm cool. And I think I've decided -- no thanks to any of y'all offering your thoughts (aHEM, and while I'm bitching, what's a broad gotta do to get more of you on my map besides show my t*$ts (shutUP, you)!??) -- that I'm not going to password my stuff. My whole purpose for Broad was not to censor myself, so why start? I mean, it's not like I'm making shit up. And if they go crazy, it's not like I have to deal with them. And that's what I got to say about that.

Otherwise, I've spent most of my week trying to get back in the working groove and trying to clean my couch. I've got it to where it's at least not yellow from sweat and hair goop, but it's not pretty off-white like it used to be, either. And I don't hate it enough to either chuck it or cover it with slip covers (which I've looked at, and unless you're getting them from the place Oprah gets hers, they look like slip covers, and Homie don't play that). But it at least smells clean, and that'll be good for the end of February, when we have a mo'fo blowout up in this bitch.

That's right: Mer's coming to town over her Winter break. And she's got a boyfriend now -- like, a real, normal one and not the caveman she usually dates -- so I'm sure there'll be plenty of drunken, depraved phone calls to him in Queens while she takes advantage of our cheap liquor and atmosphere. Then add Snidgey and Headcase to the mix (for the February birthdays and all), and this could be lethal. And I can't WAIT.
Posted by Broad5:30 PM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
(sigh), pt. 2
Yeah, because it worked so well when when his other girlfriend did it: Lookit
Posted by Broad7:15 AM
Page 2 of 3 pages  <  1 2 3 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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