Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Gooeylicious

Sunday, February 13, 2005
Sleepytime blews
For those who have no compunction about their proclivities to diddle, a question, s'il tu plait: Keeping in mind that all things are possible when it comes to rubbing the magic lamp, have you ever tossed one off while sleeping (of which you're aware)? Now, taking it one step further, has a partner ever tossed one off while sleeping with you in close proximity*? Did it squick you out?

No particular reason for asking -- just pandering to Wad's assertion that things are getting boring up in here. And also? Traumatizing the parents of children who're looking up "Aladdin" on the worldwideinternetwebbunny: "Mommy? What's a 'diddle'?"
Posted by Broad8:38 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Well, THAT’S something I guess I won’t be trying again
I was trying to be blunt in a sexy kind of way, but I clearly blew it, because if you have to ask, then I must not be doing it right.

That doesn't hurt the ego. Much.
Posted by Broad7:45 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, January 17, 2005
Republic of Deh
EWK is so good to me: Last night, he fixed us a toona noona with -- how scintillating! -- artichoke hearts and a dollop of sour cream mixed in for good measure, and then we hunkered down and watched Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal. Yum yum.

So, I've spent the better part of the weekend trying to mull over how I was going to tell y'all about this, but I've been rather uninspired and, more to the point, embarassed; in fact, I've already been taken to task by EWK and Tara over the whole deal. But what's that thing they say about recovery? The first step is admitting your shit? Horror after the jump:
Posted by Broad7:16 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Dammit, Snidge!
She made me cry with the following. I hate that. (Crying, not the following)
Posted by Broad10:02 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Going to a strip club, everybody
Before I launch into my first strip club experience, I think we should all take this moment to commemorate Dec. 7, the day which will live in infamy but for a completely different reason. It's a little-known event as far as history goes (well, until NOW), but on this day, not only did the Japanese invade American soil, but 19 years ago, the Germans invaded the (cough) "Virgin Islands."

(And when I say that, what I really mean is, "My cherry got popped, yo." You know, just in case I was being too historical for you and shit.)

Not much to tell there. My 21 year-old Air Force boyfriend took my virginity in the back of his white 1980 Mustang. It hurt. The end. Oh, and I had on these turquoise (!) and white zebra-striped panties that were too tight, because I thought they were sexy. I was 15. The end.

Anyway, the strip club (and we have the lovely Whitters to thank for this):
Posted by Broad4:43 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, November 01, 2004
It’s all psychobabble rap to me
Some of y'all that I talked to in private (ahem, Merryweather) will recall over the weekend that I said I was quite certain I wouldn't be hearing from the one guy over his birthday. And you know, I should never say things like that, because this morning at 4-ish in the a.m.? He called and said Opie would be dropping him off. Not thinking quickly enough (as it was 4-ish in the a.m. and I was fast asleep prior), I said all right, even though I knew he'd been with his other girlfriend at some point over the weekend. Of course, I bitched about that as well as bitched intermittently on the ride home this morning about various and sundry other things while he was feeling rotten. Oh, and I never really did say "Happy Birthday," either, so THERE. We take our victories where we can. Heh ...? (she says weakly, knowing that it was pathetic, yet really not so much caring). I do wish I'd thought of telling Opie to just crash on the couch before he was like halfway home, but we're hoping he made it home without getting run over by a semi. Oh, and did I mention Cousin Nancy was still here? She found it hilarious, and even better? She didn't narc me out to Crazy Aunt, who would've surely beaten my ass.

Anyway.

Since everyone else and their blogging brethren have talked about tomorrow, I'll throw in my two cents about why I hate Shrub -- in story formation.
Posted by Broad5:17 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, October 04, 2004
SWING, Bat-taaaaaah!
My biggest referrer this month, according to my stats, is dreamintegris, which appears to be some sort of intranet site for independent business owners. What independent business owner could possibly be interested in anything I have to say!?!?!

I have to share this story about the one guy, because a) I'm sure he won't mind, as he was damn proud as he told it, and b) it's now Reason #674 why I love him so. Now, y'all might not find it at all amusing, but it made me hot. Damn hot.
Posted by Broad6:16 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Love, love, love
After my crisis this morning, I asked Mr. Rude over at Cactus to take a look at that code to tell me what the hell was going on. (I also asked Kaffy's Winston, too, big radio engineer stud that he be.) And in his kind wisdom, he explained to me that basically, the one's guy's ISP is having issues and I'm a yuge dorky spaz. Well, no, he didn't actually SAY that -- knowing Chris, he prolly didn't even THINK it -- but that's what *I* say. But at least you'll be happy to know (some more than others, ahem) that my dorky spaziness? Lasted about a half-hour -- a mere FRACTION of what it used to before better living through chemistry. Like an infant torn from her momma's arms, I was able to calm myself and realize that I was being a dorky spaz before I went out and made an ass of myself on top of it.

I have NOT, however, rid myself of the urge to use half-ass similes, but what're you going to do?
Posted by Broad8:01 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, August 20, 2004
Wookiewookiewookiewookiewookie … shut-up!
Ok, so now I have on this one bra, and my girls? Are in. my. armpits, and I'm fascinated and annoyed at the same time. Yeah, TMI, but it ain't right.

Got a lot dancing around in my head today -- much having to do with the one guy and how much I need to see him -- but there's really no time for mush because THE BAND IS PLAYING TONIGHT! Woo! Kerry won't be singing lead this time, but they're kicking out new jams. And Kaffy and Winston are coming, as are Tara and her man Sean, so the band is like "The girls are back together!" (Tara and I were unabashed groupies back in the day.) Oh, and Greta's coming, too, whether she wants to or not.

Good times, yo.
Posted by Broad10:55 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, August 14, 2004
The one where God hides my cell phone
It was in my purse, and then I when I put my purse down, I heard the phone fly out in to the back seat. But then, when I went to retrieve it, it was no where to be found -- not under my seat, not in the shoebox, not in the bag in which the shoebox was, not in the pants tangled up back there (a couple pairs of pants I've been meaning to return, so relax, man), not on the seat, nothing. Still haven't found it, and probably because if I did, I would want to call the one guy and tell him stuff.
Posted by Broad10:54 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Fire and cold water? Don’t mix
Who knew that, when you pour cold water in a glass bowl over a lit candle, the glass bowl would crack!?!? I should've, because I drove around with a hillbilly windshield for years on the Snowball that happened because of a crack that grew from the weather running moderately to ass-cold. But I clearly forgot, because I just cracked the oil infuser I just bought the other day, too, from one of my favorite little shops, Customs Imports in the Miller section of Gary. (I also picked up a really cool antique Chinese rice bucket that I'm using for magazines.) Damn it. Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about, right? Anyone know where I could find another little glass bowl for it? Because I've got this awesome Aromatique mango oil that's making me very happy right now on a day that didn't necessarily start out that way. And I still haven't heard from Mer, and that bothers me, too.

But on a funner note, my column about bad dressers at the fair ran today, and that was cool. I set my sights on this woman who was not only wearing a skirt and club top, but 4-inch pink and aqua stiletto mules. I mean, who wears that to the freakin' fair!?!?! But I suppose it could be worse, like the co-worker of Kaffy's who saw a chick riding the rolly coasters at Great America without unnywears under her skirt (shudders).
Posted by Broad7:19 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Kaffy’s Obama drama
Just so y'all know, Kaffy's seriously in love with Barack Obama. Not that I'm not -- his speech kicked some serious ass -- but seriously? He looks like the cartoon character Oscar Proud from "The Proud Family."

Oh, and in case you're not keeping up with the comments, here's the Brazilian Whore update: Despite her best efforts, Joelle says that the bitch hand-coded my stylesheet into her shit. Now, I'M not seeing it, even with refreshing my browser, but that doesn't mean bitch didn't do it. So, I e-mailed her and told her I contacted Blogger, and THEY will handle it. And yeah, I did it in piss poor Portuguese, too, but you know what? I don't care, because that's crap, especially when she could've asked permission. Not that I would've granted it, because I love the design and don't want to dilute Joelle's brand, but the polite thing would've been to at least ask, fer Chrissakes.

Next time? The offending ripper-offer gets a huge dick on their page. And not a nice looking one, either; it'll be the skinniest, wussiest wiener I can find. You've been warned.
Posted by Broad7:08 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, June 19, 2004
I remember when …
So I e-mailed the one guy last night, asking him why we don't talk much anymore. Because we don't.
Posted by Broad3:49 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, April 11, 2004
The pussification of America, and the one guy’s mystique
After stuffing myself senseless at champagne brunch with Mother today, I just got back from doing touch-up painting in Greta's living room (I know, I know, but she waited for me to get home and waited for me to get my ass in gear after I took a nap, for chrissakes. What would YOU do?), where I proceeded to stuff my face with 1/2 a sausage pizza that I definitely did NOT need. Happy Easter, yo.

So, the one guy called last night. He didn't end up coming over, because he got all squirrelly and decided I was too tired. That never usually stops him, but it did last night for some reason. Anyway, after I was completely awake at 2:30 a.m., I called him back, and we had the type of conversation that reinforces for me why I love him insanely.
Posted by Broad7:31 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Region folk on metrosexuality
"Would I get a manicure? Sure. But I'll also take a bat to your head." -- The one guy, very early Sunday morning, March 14
Posted by Broad7:35 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 3 of 4 pages « First  <  1 2 3 4 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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