Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Social comment n' shit

Monday, July 21, 2008
Clinically depressed, take heart

Next time some jackasswell-meaning soul tells me I need to get off my meds, I shall direct them to this: Lookit. I encourage all y’all with the same to do the same.

[Courtesy of Liz Spikol, the modern day patron saint of hopeless causes]


Posted by Broad10:43 PM
Friday, July 18, 2008
Why can’t I be deep like this!??

I share with you now a quote from a commenter on Gawker re: a 20 year-old girl who goes to a party filled with a bunch of high-profile NYC bloggers and gets her idealist cherry popped:

The job of a writer is to write. He pastes together an experience out of language, like any other craftsman. The same as a plumber pastes together the water system of a house. If you think the purpose of asking questions and communicating experience is to get “answers” to “questions”, well you’re bound for a life of sore disappointment. Just ask about four thousand years of recorded philosophy and poetry what they think of the “answers” to great questions.

It is the job of a GOOD person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of WRITER and GOOD PERSON coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more WRITERS in the world than there are GOOD PEOPLE.—Pope John Peeps II


Ladies, am I lying when I say that’s freakin’ HOT!??


Posted by Broad5:39 AM
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
The advantages(?) of living in a red state

In today’s news (written by my homie, Piet):

By Piet Levy Post-Tribune
Staff writer

MERRILLVILLE—Some people strictly associate Planned Parenthood with abortion and a pro-choice agenda. So it may come as a surprise that the Planned Parenthood at 8645 Connecticut St. offers free services promoting adoption.

The Merrillville center is only the third Planned Parenthood in the state to feature on-site counselors from a local adoption agency, said Liz Carroll, vice president of patient services for Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Carroll said only a handful of centers across the country are offering such services.

“Our mission is to provide women with options, to give them information so they can make good decisions for themselves and their families,” Carroll said. “Having the adoption service available if they want to talk to somebody about it just seems to fit so well with our philosophy of providing women with choice.”

A Planned Parenthood clinic in Indianapolis was the first in the state to feature a partnership with an adoption agency, beginning in the summer of 2006. Carroll said two adoptions have been secured at that location thanks to the partnership.

Carroll said the staff at the Merrillville clinic was clamoring to follow in the Indianapolis clinic’s footsteps.

As a result, the Merrillville Planned Parenthood teamed up with The Adoption Center for Family Building in April, prompting the regional branch of the Skokie-based Center to move from Munster and relocate inside the actual clinic.

Carroll said the Merrillville clinic—one of the region’s largest and most visited, with both abortion and family planning facilities—had enough space to accommodate the Center’s staff.

She said the organization will keep an eye on the partnership’s success rate in Merrillville, and that Planned Parenthood in general would be open to such partnerships in the future, depending on individual relationships with adoption agencies and available space at clinics.

Tobi Ehrenpreis, the Center’s founder, said they have provided other Planned Parenthood clinics in the area with fliers and brochures, and are hoping to offer some outreach at local schools and organizations.

“I think the more people know about what’s available, the better,” Ehrenpreis said. “Adoption is one of the choices, a good one, for some people.”

Ehrenpreis said counselors can visit with Planned Parenthood patients on Wednesdays and Fridays between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Otherwise, women can make an appointment by calling 795-9900.

More information is at http://www.centerforfamily.org.

Contact Piet Levy at 648-3102 or plevy@post-trib.com. Comment atwww.post-trib.com.



You’d think as an adoptee I’d be all about this, and I’m not not about it, I guess, but. I mean, why now when this partnership could’ve been conceived (hah! pun) from the very start of PP? Is this something PP has to do to keep whatever paltry funding it gets? Is it a countrywide trend? And there’s a zillion different adoption agencies out there, so why would PP want to get into the fray?

Again, it’s not that it’s a bad idea at all—PP needs to continue to be the leader in reproductive services, and that means ALL services. I ... just have questions.

As is the rule, tread lightly if you’re going to comment.


[EDITED TO ADD: Check it out, y’all! Jez picked up my tip: Lookit! And it was even written by Moe! Cool beans!]
Posted by Broad2:19 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Figure THIS one out

If you had a dream where

a) you lose three molars in the span of, like, five minutes;
b) you try to go out to dinner with your dad and a friend but y’all don’t end up eating after you tell your dad you’ll skip your final semester of college and work a ton of jobs to pay your half of the dentist bill if he’ll pay the other half;
c) you end up leaving your car to get fixed at a shop in a bad neighborhood;
d) after you somehow manage to snag a late appointment with your dentist, a verbal spar with two old ladies who cracked on your weight in the crowded dentist office results in a topless chick, and then the cops come;
e) your dentist, who’s cranky at having to work so late, says your lifestyle is the reason for your teeth loss and uses the two more molars you lost while waiting as examples (recognizing that he’s had a hard day, you end up asking him if he’d like you to schedule a second appointment to talk about solutions, to which he gratefully accepts);
f) you contemplate calling your parents for a ride home from the office because it’s dark out, but then you run into your downstairs neighbor, who’s got a date with another dentist in the practice, and you end up getting set up with semi-dorky other suitor hitting on her;
g) as the four of you are driving back to the restaurant at which you were going to eat in the first place, a number from the skeevy neighborhood where you left your car comes up on your phone;
h) when you answer it, the guy on the other end won’t identify himself, which freaks the shit out of you, but he ends up telling you your car and others in the area have been vandalized by guys seeking tranny sex; and
i) you end up mackin’ on the semi-dorky guy after he was nice to you, and when he whips out Magnums you ask him how he feels about per10d sex;

what would you suspect was going on?

Despite all the significant dream elements (losing teeth, nekkidness, not finishing school, Dad, etc.) it wasn’t a nightmare at all. But it might be proof that Poppy’s baked beans shouldn’t be eaten before sleepy time.

[EDITED TO ADD: Girlie, you were the friend in the dream.]


Posted by Broad2:16 PM
Monday, June 30, 2008
It was only a matter of time*

So, have y’all heard about Private First Class LaVena Johnson? The Army claims Johnson, an African-American woman, killed herself in Iraq 3 years ago, even in the face of the following:

Private LaVena Johnson’s nose was broken, teeth were loose, one eye was concave and there were abrasions over her body. The supposed M-16 hole to the head was far too small for the revolver-sized exit wound, and was on the wrong side of her skull for a right-handed woman to have pulled the trigger. Her genital area showed evidence of acid, perhaps used to destroy DNA evidence. She had white military gloves glued to her burned hands.



Wow. If killing herself was the goal, that’s an awful lot of self infliction to go through when there are a lot more efficient ways to get the job done, one would think.

What the Army didn’t take under consideration is that Pvt. Johnson’s dad is A DOCTOR and therefore wasn’t fooled by the whole “It was self-inflicted” horseshitpronouncement the Army gave his wife and him, and he of course has been trying to get the investigation reopened. Unfortunately, it’s taken THREE YEARS so far. Let’s hope with all the publicity it’s now going to be getting, our Congressional monkeys will do something about it. After all, they did finally straighten out the Pat Tillman debacle, right? Fair’s fair.



[*Yeah yeah yeah, I know what I said about talking politics; as far as I’m concerned, this has more to do with psychopaths running the nut hut than who put them there. Nevertheless, one word about which party’s responsible or that this an attention ploy by the family, and your comment gets deleted. In fact, I came thisclose to closing comments on this post altogether, so if I have to do it early, I will.]
Posted by Broad4:41 PM
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The weedlee: There’s just no substitute.

Last night found the crew and me at yet aNOTHER gig with our boys, this time on the way sout’ side of Chicahga at a bar to which I’d never been and Girlie hadn’t been since, like, 1994. It was remodeled, sure, but you know the phrases “Throwing 300 pounds of shit into a Gucci bag is still 300 pounds of shit,” and “This is the place where people go to die?” Y’all, my D-list celebrity BFFs have chosen the wrong market in which to ply their trade, because these were some of the saddest looking m’erf’ers I’ve encountered in a looooooong time. And—AND!—they have absolutely NO taste in music. The opening act, which I will cleverly disguise their real name as “Crotch Louse,” was this blues-metal-country fusion mess that tried to evoke, I don’t know, the Butthole Surfers, maybe? Girlie thinks they thought they were being unique, what with the lead singer using that distortion thingy that singers use to sound like they’re far away and all, but dude, seriously. All that came out was only slightly impressive guitar playing at times, and the drummer didn’t completely suck. Oh, and there were at least two songs about butt secks, because we could understand THOSE lyrics clearly. And then when Steepwater took the stage, every time Jeff whipped out the weedlee and other hot tricks, a-holes were WALKING OUT OF THE BAR! What a nightmare. The mood was all off; even the boys knew it was bad and cut the set by two tunes.

So we entertained ourselves, as we always do. Some choice quotes from the night --

“Ok, Mr. Anthrax. Wrong music for thrashing!”

“Country metal?”
CountryCRAP metal?”

“Don’t forget ‘DENIAL.’”

“If you can work a digital camera, then you could put your teeth in.”

“I don’t know WHAT it is, but if he’s going to play like that again, I might have to pick smoking back up.”

“Yeah!  Go back to your nerd kingdom up front; the cool girls don’t want you back here!”


Posted by Broad10:32 PM
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Screw Condi posing with KISS

THAT’S Paul Stanley, y’all:

image

I’ll take Gene—plastic surgery or not—because that poor bastard looks like Jackie Mason in a cheap Cher wig.


Posted by Broad3:30 AM
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
File another one under TMI

From our ol’ pal and self-proclaimed BBW Kaffy:

Every time I go to my doctor’s office for my annual girlie exam, it never fails that the nurse, no matter which one it is, brings out the biggest speculum EVER. And then, when the doctor comes in and tells me to scoot down to the end of the table, she’s like, ‘Oh no, you don’t need this!’ and pulls out THE SMALLEST speculum. I mean, why would you assume that if I’m bigger, my cooter is too!?? Seriously.


Naturally, this resulted in great laughter between us.


Posted by Broad6:27 PM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
(straightens shirt) Ahem. Nothing to see or not see here

No, no no, I did NOT disappear in a fit of pique or anything quite as dramatic—just a quiet week with nothing to bitch aboutshare with the neenerbunny. (Well, there’s ONE thing, but my sister would disown me if I did, and anyway it’s not really my story to share. It’s a good’un, though, holy shit.) This weekend has some potential for ridiculousness, however: The ladies and I have a couple engagements this evening that could either shake out as muy fun or absolute disasters, which in turn will make for excellent sharing, so stay tuned. As for my leetle outburst Monday, I get really angry when my integrity or how I “do business” or whatever is questioned by people who I count among my core crew. I mean, if you gotta question it after this long, that says more about you than it does me.

The edict on politics still stands, though.


Posted by Broad1:40 PM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
If I thought it would be accepted gracefully

yeah, I would admit that I’m wrong. But if you think so little of me that you have to ask? I’ll be damned if I’m going to do it now.

On another note, hear ye, hear ye: Until I decide otherwise, there will be no political talk here in Chez Broad by anyone; the past few times I’ve veered into social comment, there have been unwanted turns that have really pissed me off, and despite what anyone thinks about me or my demeanor, I don’t enjoy being pissed off. I also don’t give a shit about who you want as president, about the a-hole conservatives or the limp-dicked liberals, about what party wrote the laws and who’s administering them, NONE OF IT. And I sure as hell don’t want to hear how I SHOULD care, so unless you want me to rip off an arm and shit in the socket, NO POLITICS.


Posted by Broad3:13 AM
Friday, May 16, 2008
Glad I don’t live in Georgia

I don’t usually read Feministing, but one of the jezzes pointed to this post in a discussion: Lookit.

Scared to look? Then hows about a highlight:

Under Georgia state law, and federal law, a victim’s sexual history with third parties is supposed to be irrelevant. The result of this case is that any victim who brings a civil claim for sexual battery in Georgia must be prepared to discuss all of her previous sexual partners. The judge ultimately found Ross was not raped in part because, as all that testimony showed, she was not a virgin.


Emphasis mine.

Anyone want to take a crack? Because I sure don’t have the words.


Posted by Broad7:58 PM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
A sad, SAD day up in Chez Broad

I just found out my 20-something’s gone. He moved away for a job and to be closer to family, so of course I’m happy for him because that’s what he wanted, but it’s just ... wow, he’s gone. Booooooooooo.

In other news, my cholesterol’s down 30 points and my birthmark won’t ever turn malignant.


Posted by Broad9:27 PM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Did anyone just see

the SNL sketch with Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig (I think), guest star Shia LeBeouf (who also happens to be my new pretend celebrity boyfriend) and the rest of male cast where Amy and Kristen are in a nice restaurant, and at every table there’s men, only the men have these dopey expressions? And then, when the women—completely enamored with all of them—wonder what they’re thinking, you hear them thinking “Doy da doy doy doy doy doy doy doy doy doy doy doooooooyyyyy!” Ohmigod, the LOOKS on their faces! I about PEED myself laughing. See, that’s the kind of thing my one oldest and dearest does to me all the time: We’ll be chillin’ and then I’ll go to the can or get us something to drink, and I when I come back he’s there with one of those exact expressions on his face, and I can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard. Last time he was in the NWI, I was trapped in my bathroom for, like, 15, 20 minutes because he was sitting on my couch with that look. We weren’t even stoned, and I was just dying. I hope someone puts that sketch up on youtube so I can post it or send it out or something.

In other news, I hemmed my first pair of pants tonight, and not just with hem tape. Ima make me a good wife someday and shit.

[UPDATE: I FOUND IT! Lookit. I’m telling you, pure, unadulterated GENIUS!]


Posted by Broad3:47 AM
Friday, May 09, 2008
Baby makes … (shudder) … 20!

image

How have this woman’s innards just NOT fallen out her body, is what I want to know.

[Courtesy (or not) of Jez]


Posted by Broad4:42 PM
Someone help me out here

Why is it that when I get a 10-cent coupon off 10 gallons of gas, that equals $1 off, but when gas goes up 10 cents and I put in 15 gallons, I pay $5 more than the last fucking time I had to fill up!?? Yeah, that was without the coupon, but still, the hell!?? Or am I just that retarded?


Posted by Broad2:13 AM
Page 4 of 12 pages « First  <  2 3 4 5 6 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



Save the Net Now



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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