Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Region-y goodness

Friday, October 29, 2004
The meeting that would. not. END.
Does anyone know how long it takes for two munis to forge an interlocal agreement on the ambulance service they want to use? I do: Since freakin' FEBRUARY, three hours of which was spent TONIGHT on stuff they should've had figured out OVER THE WEEKEND. So now, I need to stay up to write the damn story for Saturday, because I sure as heck didn't make deadline.

I did, however, see two former high school classmates, one on whom I had a gi-normous crush freshman year, and the other a huge bitch who graduated a year ahead of us. He's still hotter than hell and a lot smarter than I remember (maybe eliminating all the dope-smoking had something to do with it), but he's also married. Boo. Plus, he's in muni politics at 34 -- not my bag. The bitch, on the other hand, hasn't changed all that much, except for maybe more crow's feet. She was all adorned with a Rolex and a big ol' rock (I grew up in an affluent town, so this surprises me not), but what killed me is she's still ratting her hair all big, yanking it back and putting in one of those hairy pony things to make it look like she has more hair. (Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking about, right?) I mean, literally ratting her bangs all big and shit. Not like the '80s fan, but like middle-aged Texas mom big. I was just like, whatever. You haven't changed one bit. But at least the hairy pony thing matched the overly blonded straw she calls hair, because I'd have really slagged on her if it hadn't.
Posted by Broad2:31 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Well, you ASKED …
Since only two people asked me questions (and one of them's getting impatient was nice enough to remind me wink ... and NO. Monty Python movie lines do NOT COUNT, you two), here you go:
Posted by Broad5:10 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Equipment malfunction
My first on what I hope to be many stories on the unraveling of Schererville:
Posted by Broad1:12 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
You put the lime with Hobart nuts and shake it all up …
More pictures, this time of the Bite the Lime show before my sister got all ghetto. You know where to find them: Yahoo! regionbroad711, lookit, "Bite the Lime." Unfortunately, the shots of the band itself were too dark, so I left them out. Sorry.
Posted by Broad5:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
s’Nap time, everyone
I've been up since the literal buttcrack of dawn to cover a story, but it was a cool story, and one that I took photos of (some of which are already posted -- yahoo! photos, "regionbroad711", lookit). Homie needs a nap before she does anything else, though.
Posted by Broad5:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Yay! More war crimes!
Posted the photos from Saturday, for anyone who wants to see. Second verse, same as the first: Yahoo!, photos, regionbroad711, lookit. The folder's called "War Crimes, pt. 2."

I wish the ones of the steel mills off the lake came out better, but we wouldn't dare get close enough to find out, since, you know, the COPS on Lake Michigan and everything.
Posted by Broad12:44 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Mating rituals in a Midwestern town
Since Yahoo! won't let me just post links to my photo albums, I'll let you have VIP status should you want to see. Go to: Yahoo! photos, and then: regionbroad711; password: lookit.

Another observation in Mer's sociological study of Americana: When we were in the second bar (sidenote: Xanies and Shiraz are an interesting combo -- not last night, sillies. ToNIGHT), this chick was bending over the bar, and the dude to whom she was talking promptly stuck his pointer finger in the woman's shorts-clad buttcrack. I'm not sure if this is the way men pick up women in these here parts, but that's what Meridith observed, and that's pretty gross.

[UPDATE: I should clarify that I was the one who in fact saw the Ex-Lax Dude's smooth move -- I caught it and looked away like, "Whoooaaaa," and he got this look like, "Oh, huhuhuh." But when I told Mer about it, she was horrified.]
Posted by Broad5:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, August 05, 2004
The crappy effects of getting loaded
I had every intention of sleeping until 9-ish, all snug as a bug in a rug because of the uncharacteristically cool weather and all, but THAT is not happening this morning. Why? Because I probably had just one beer too many last night, and that coupled with the fact that my sleep schedule has been all fucked up for the past five days has me wide awake at 6:07 a.m. Believe me, if I had a crabby smiley face icon to insert, it would be inserted.

In the meantime, the unholiest of unholy unions (sans Rebecca) should be just about finished consumating itself. The best part about that? It didn't happen in my crib.
Posted by Broad9:20 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, July 25, 2004
I got yer “Wardrobe Malfunction” right here
Listening to Genesis' Duke incessantly over the past couple days has not only reminded me of how amazing an album it really is, but it's also dredged up the requisite formative memories, like the time I flashed nipple at the public pool.
Posted by Broad4:04 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Been there, heard that, prolly have the t-shirt
Just got back from Poppy's a bit ago, where we sat outside in her garden with lawnchairs, TV/DVD set-up, Midori sours and beer watching Bruce Almighty. What a good flick -- totally NOT cheesy, like we were expecting. And yeah, say what you will about Jim Carrey, but he cracks my shit up.

So, the one guy was out of town all week and calls me up at 3:30 a.m. to let me know I could park at his crib for the Air Show, which would've been great, except my assignment was to ride the buses the City of Gary contracted to shuttle people back and forth -- you know, to see if it was running smoothly. Yeah, I know that sounds kind of gay, but I took Mother with, and we actually had a pretty decent time. At least, I didn't want to throw her OFF the bus and into oncoming traffic, anyway. Greta and I will probably go back tomorrow, and I'll shoot some pics.

Oh yeah, I started talking about listing all the concerts I've ever attended, just to see if I could remember them all. I started to list them, and in order, but I think I'm missing some ...
Posted by Broad3:50 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, July 15, 2004
In case y’all have forgotten …
Michael "Miguelino" Puente is one sexy muthfucka, and I bow to his greatness.

That is all.
Posted by Broad9:33 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Throat’s on fire, burning up my bod-ay
Still feeling like crap on raisin toast, but since Og wanted me to post this, I'll do it before I drop dead for the night:
Posted by Broad4:03 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, July 04, 2004
We bang! We bang! Cats go crazy
It's my favorite holiday, yo, so after I go me take a nap after being up for an hour, it's off to Greta's for BBQ and then Hammond for a naturalization ceremony. (No, there IS no off-time for me.)

Hope it's groovy. Oh, and unlike my other homies, I won't mind if you blow a Goddamn limb off, because after the initial sympathy wears off? I'll get to say, "Dude! Did you NOT read the instructions!?!? And we've only been hearing about this shit since we were, like, 5. Deh!"

Kidding, y'all! Party on.
Posted by Broad3:11 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, July 02, 2004
The one where Broad almost gets taken out by a rifle
Ok, the hostage story: I was coming back from somewhere when the Saturday editor buzzed me and said "We got a hostage situation in Hammond. Can you go?" "Um, well, YEAH, I'll head there right now," I said excitedly, thinking how cool is THIS!?!?

The situation was that the Hammond PD had gotten a bizarre phone call from a pay phone claiming that these dudes had a whole bunch of guns and were holding the caller hostage. Nobody knew for sure what the deal was -- not even the cops -- but it sounded big, and the times I actually get to do the big exciting stuff are few and far between.

So I get there, and the PD has Calumet Avenue, or the road on which the incident was taking place, blocked off with crime scene tape before the gas station that "Ground Zero" was behind and a few buildings after it. The side I was on? The side that didn't have the PD's command center, where the PIO and everyone else was. So, after about 20 minutes of clearance crap, the PIO gives me permission to walk over to them. And so I start.

And then everybody on the PIO's side starts screaming for me to get back. I'm like, "What the hell!?!?!"

I run back to my side and ask one of the cops there, "What the hell!?!?! and he tells me that I needed to cross the street because a sniper was stationed in one of the buildings across from the gas station, and I was right in his line of fire. By crossing the street, he'd be able to shoot over me if need be. Oooooooh. All right-y. Oh, and while I'm at it? HOLY SHIT! So, I cross the street. And as I'm walking, this NWI hillbilly gaper sitting in his pickup truck says to me, "Excuse me, ma'am, but that was the bravest thing I think I've ever seen." Ma'am my ass, I thought to myself, but I thanked him and got over to the command center without incident.

The coolest thing about the whole ordeal? Watching the SWAT team storm the house in riot gear. THAT was bad. ass. They yanked out four scum bags without incident.
Posted by Broad8:14 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Idn’t she cuuuuuuute? Pt. 1
While we're on the subject of cops, here's a funny story: I remember covering the opening of Hammond's new police station two years ago. Total state of the art, with Big Brother cameras and everything. I walk into one of the cells, which look like something out of a brain garage, and I see that one bed is a concrete slab, while the top bunk is stainless steel. No pillows, blankets, nothing. Steel toilet, and I don't even think there was TP. So I look at the cops giving me the tour and I say "They don't even get mattresses? Isn't that a little barbaric?"

And the cops look at each other, and then they look me, and they start laughing. Not quite hysterically, but enough that I was like, "What!?"

The one, who just made an outSTANDING arrest the other day by getting a scum-sucking serial rapist off the streets, explained that, well, they can't have things like mattresses or pillows or blankets because there are many ways to kill yourself in jail, and any superfluous items in the cell only heightens the chance that some idiot's going to do something to himself or his cellmate. And anyways, the whole point of jail is IT'S JAIL. It's not supposed to be comfy. Point well taken, obviously.

Next up? The story of when I covered a hostage situation. That was also two years ago.
Posted by Broad3:19 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

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Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

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