Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

F'ed-up family

Saturday, December 25, 2004
Hairy Fishnuts: The aftermath (or, I need a Goddamned drink)
Ok, so my Christmas? Not as good as originally anticipated. Oh, I tried to put a brave front today like it was all frankincense and myrrh, but yesterday afternoon? Was a pile of camel shit.
Posted by Broad9:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Smells like teen spirit
Just when I bought it that Cousin Nancy was on the mend and getting her shit straight, I get a call from Crazy Aunt last night at 1:20 a.m. that Nancy was missing; she hadn't checked in at 10 like she was supposed to, and then when Crazy Aunt called around to the places that Nancy said she was going to be, her little friends first were covering up for her, then didn't when my uncle showed up at their doorstep. Crazy Aunt then called the police, and they said she wasn't officially a missing person, but if they caught her out with someone, like, say, driving around, they would haul her ass back to juvie because she was in violation of her probation. Anyway, she waltzed in at 9:20 a.m. this morning and promptly got busted for lying; the first thing Crazy Aunt's going to do tomorrow? Call her probation officer to get a restraining order on loser boyfriend. Then she's going to call mall security to make sure loser boyfriend isn't hanging around at the kiosk Nancy's working at, call her therapists to get her in more than once every two weeks and then call her pediatrician to set up a drug test.

Meanwhile, I have no clue as to what to say to her. I mean, she clearly fucked up, but it's not like I've been the bastion of morality where she's concerned, either. So, anyone got any ideas as to what I say to her without looking like a total hypocrite?

Oh, and we still don't know where she was last night.
Posted by Broad7:31 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, October 31, 2004
The crib’s clean, though
Have had me a house guest for the past couple days: Cousin Nancy, who got sick of looking at the same four walls at her crib. She seems to be doing Ok -- seems to have ditched the sullen teen attitude, at least. And right now, she's cleaning and organizing the crib, and that's never wrong. Later, we're going to cover a 10th anniversary plane crash memorial service in Demotte (NWI readers will remember which one) which should make front page, so mo' money for me.

Speaking of trainwrecks, today's the one guy's 36th birthday, and no, he's not celebrated with me; he's with his other girlfriend, I'm quite certain, although I could be wrong. In protest, I didn't send him any sort of birthday greeting, so unless he reads this (which he swears he doesn't, but I'm not so sure), he won't know that I really do wish him the best of times.
Posted by Broad8:44 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Beware the boogey (also, the one where Broad panders for new bedding)
If you'll take a gander at my "About" box, you'll notice that I decided I needed stuff on which I can't waste money at the moment and put up an Amazon Wishlist. Please feel free to buy early and often, especially the bedding set. Isn't that awesome!?!?! Or, if you know where to get me some lemon-y yellow sheets to match the duvet I have now, I could be just as happy. (Not butter yellow, though, because my duvet now is citrus-y, with blues and acid greens and turquoise, so butter yellow would look retarded.)

Talked to Crazy Aunt today, and she said she talked to BFKAS yesterday.
Posted by Broad7:50 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Be careful what you wish for, and so on and so forth
Since Myllissann and Beth kind of indicated in a roundabout sort of way (Ok, not really) that they want to know how this works, I'm going to explain how finding an adoptee works in Indiana, or at least how it went down with me, anyway. Hey, it's either this or me bitching about the gray boring day that would. not. END.
Posted by Broad6:27 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Broads and their toys
I swear, I'm such a dude sometimes: The battery on my piece-of-shit cell phone was starting to go, so instead of being pratical and getting a new battery, what I do? I go out and spend $50 for a teenie-weenie little flip phone that's just so. damn. CUTE. Well, that and I upped my plan to Cingular's special 1000 minutes with rollover for $39.99, which is 400 more than I had, but I ended up relinquishing my unlimited nights and weekends. Honestly, though, I do most of my cell talking during the day, so 1000 miuntes equals out to, what, 6 hours or something? That could be enough, so I guess I was being sort of practical after all. Huh.

So, for the past few days, I've been sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper, trying to write Cousin Nancy a letter, and although Kaffy and I talked about what it should say, it hasn't been going as smoothly as I'd like.
Posted by Broad5:52 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Why are there little bugs flying out of my toilet?
Seriously, I've got these little gnat-like things surrounding my commode, and I can't figure out why, because if there's anything consistently clean in the crib? It's the can. Ew.

Got the news today that my 17 year-old cousin got arrested and put in juvie; seems she and my crazy aunt were arguing because Cousin (for our purposes, we'll call her Juliet) lied to her yet again, and when Crazy Aunt told Juliet she would be going to therapy and liking it, fisticuffs ensued and Juliet jacked Crazy Aunt in the mouth (which is, like, the dumbest thing in the world since Crazy Aunt? Is a kickboxer with a blackbelt. I mean, she may be overweight and out of shape now, but she's still 5'11, and I don't think kickboxing is a skill you just unlearn). And Crazy Aunt is pressing charges, and I say, "You're damn RIGHT you better be pressing charges." Girl's got to learn that there are consequences to your actions (a trait that seems to be lost on the bio-fam sometimes), and if this is the way it has to be, well, I think she made a real unfortunate choice for a lesson. What scares me, though, is that the next choice she makes will be to become a balls-out thug instead of getting the shit scared out of her; I have absolutely no gauge as to which one it's going to be, either.

Anyway, I'm taking Crazy Aunt to the court appearance tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have news at some point afterward.
Posted by Broad9:21 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
When ‘sex’ on a license plate goes horribly wrong
Long day -- lots of stories. But I'm going to go watch Oprah, so I'll be right back.
Posted by Broad7:20 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, May 22, 2004
And so it begins …
All right, here's my schedule for tomorrow: Get up at 5 a.m. (!) to be in the Inland Steel parking lot by 5:30 to witness the implosion of blast furnaces A and B, which normally I'd be all gazzed up about because I LOVE anything and everything steel mill-related, but at 5 a.m., not so much; then I have to be at Temple Beth Israel to cover their Israeli vendor fair, in which there will be lots of gorgeous, earthy jewelry that I do NOT have money for but will probably buy anyway. THEN I have to write the two stories before the two baby showers I have tomorrow. And Mother wonders why I was cranky when she asked me to pick her up lunch at some point before the showers. "Well, I just don't have to eat, then." Yeah, all right, smartass, was my response.

Meanwhile, my aunt already informed the BFKAS that if she can't be civil to me, then she needs to keep her distance, which means she's already asked if I'm going to be at the shower. My sister in the meantime told my cousin that she might or might not be there, which, if I had to make a guess, she will; she just threw that out there to keep me wondering.

I'll post plenty of implosion pictures when I get back.
Posted by Broad4:44 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, February 27, 2004
What about the nanny?
Earlier today (or would that be yesterday, since it's 12:02 a.m.?), my aunt called me to catch me up on the scam-ola that is our family. See, I technically have two families -- my real family, or the ones who fed me, cleaned my crap and helped me become the person I am today from the time I was two months old; and my biological family, who found me going on six years ago. (Never forget that fact: THEY found ME. It'll be important from here on out.)
Posted by Broad8:26 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Paranoid, much?
So I've been live for, what, five hours now, and I've already got relatives calling me and telling me that they don't want me talking about them in my "diary." Jeez, if you can't talk about how fucked up your relatives are, what else is there? That's, like, half my shtick.

I suppose I could start with a little bit about me: I'm a 34 year-old free-lance reporter for a newspaper in Northwest Indiana (aka "The Region", hence part of the reason for the title of my blog). I do editing and research, too, but more research than editing since ... well, I don't know why, really. But I edit, in case anyone's interested. So anyway, yeah, I live in the Region, which, at its closest point, is about 20 minutes outside Chicago if you drive like an idiot and traffic's not backed up to Michigan. (I live further east, so it takes me 30 minutes driving like an idiot,
Posted by Broad5:40 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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