Hold on. I don’t know. I ... just ... can’t ... put… my finger on it.

Fucking bible literalists.

The whole “no wanky” thing in Christianity is based on a passage about a schlub named Onan who, while making love to his brother’s wife, pulled out rather than plant his seed. So God had the wanker whacked.

Now this has been interpreted to say that sex for non-reproductive purposes is bad, and therefore misuse of sperm for any reason is also bad hence the whole anti-masterbation schtick.

But if you look at the entire passage, God isn’t punishing him because he’s wasting sperm, he’s punishing him for not impregnating his brother’s wife.  You see, his brother died without an heir which at the time was a huge disgrace.  So the logical thing to do was to have the next closest male of the husband’s family lend his *ahem* services to give his brother an heir. 

So Onan was renegging on this responsibility, dishonoring his sister-in-law and her family, and, eventually, originating lots of bad juju about going blind and hairy palms in an attempt to keep kids from going to hell.

So yes, Monty Python, every sperm is sacred, but it’s ok to give a few here an there to a worthy cause.

And as for the female take, the educational videos my old roommate used to watch would seem to indicate that even nuns get into the act… so why not a lowly mortal such as yourself.

See y’all in hell,
Dix

If spilling one’s sperm is such a sin, then we may just chalk another one up for The Wad. As if that’s the *worst* thing that he’s going to Hell for.

As a teenager, The Wad had a towel in his room that you could have used as an end table.

At any rate, The Wad occasionally marvels at the “enlightened” age around him; one where whack-off jokes can make it on just about any mainstream sitcom. One where a dildo joke can carry an entire episode of Drew Carey (it was on tv last night). One where a personal massager, with three convenient attachments, can be purchased at Walgreens.

Ah yes, truly an enlightened and masturbatory friendly time.

But to the point, any practice that was, at one time, published as a cure for hysteria by horny old quacks surely has to be one of those non-issues in bible terms…

Personally, The Wad has met several hysterical women that he would have sucked it up and helped them with their hysteria. For the good of (wo)mankind, of course.

No pun(s) intended.

Check if you must, but The Wad guarantees that “Thou shalt not diddle” is nowhere in the Bible.

Oh and as for the feeling up thingy…

Two options:

1) Don’t put ‘em out there and no one can feel ‘em.
2) Threaten him with a rusty steak knife.

You know though, tards or not, boys will be boys and boobs will be boobs.

@ Joe, Dix, Wad: Best. fucking. comments. EVER.

Thanks, boys! Keep in mind, heathen Protestant that I am, I find nothing wrong with sex for purely recreational purposes, including self-lovin’. I was just wondering how the wacko Catholic church reconcilled itself.

As for the pervy spec ed boy, he didn’t rub his face on my boobs today because I kept my distance. But it’s seriously disturbing. He’s taller than me, so he has to bend down when he hugs me so he can lay his head on my boobs.

Wad, as for “not putting them out there,” I unfortunately cannot remove them and leave them in a desk drawer when that class comes in. Too bad, really. It would make playing pool and sleeping on my stomach easier.

Wikipedia is as enlightening as it always is on this particular topic:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

Apparently, it’s not really a crime, it just makes you impure and you need to wash yourself after the act.

So should I stock up on stock in Summer’s Eve?

Occasional douchebag,
Dix

@ Dix: I have to tell you, Girlie is frightened by your “creepy” knowledge of various trivia. I tried to explain it to her yesterday, but I’m not sure she was buying it.

Is that my “creepy knowledge of various trivia” or my “varied knowledge of creepy trivia”?

Put simply (and sadly), I know a lot about a lot of stuff except the stuff I really need to know.

Encyclopedia Hill,
Dix