Thursday, June 09, 2005
No apologies
So of course now that I've decided I'll deal with DtR, I don't hear from him today at all.
I didn't have time to go through the whole exchange between us yesterday, but basically, he said he wanted to make amends and that he's become a different person and so on and so forth, and that while his recollection of the figure he owed me was different, he wasn't necessarily going to argue with me. So I asked "What's the catch?" because you KNOW there's always a catch within everything we do whether we want to admit it or not, but he swears there isn't one. Even gives me his cell digits and says I can post them wherever I want if I don't believe him (which leads ME to believe he's found ol' Chez Broad here, and that's ... fine, I guess, but the digits do pan out). I write back and tell him that he'd gotten my attention and that I wasn't about to wreak havoc with his wife and family because, as we all know, I have enough crap at any given time without having a hostile wife killing my buzz. And then today, I told him the rest of the week was problematic so could we perhaps do it next week at some point. That's where it's been left. Now, of course it's only been one day and there are a million legitimate reasons why he may not have responded, but I don't trust him.
And see, that's kind of the problem, here. It's like, I get forgiveness and have a rather large capacity for it, as some of y'all know, but I'm having a time with this one. I mean, like I said, this goes way beyond the stupid shit you deal with after you break up with someone when you're in your early 20s. There was abuse, both emotional and physical, although I'm still loathe to even call the latter "abuse" because when it happened, I honestly didn't realize that's what it was until I found out months later that he attempted the same thing on a friend of mine he was trying to bed, except she was strong enough to fend him off. (THERE'S an interesting one for all you analyzers out there. Emotional abuse is beautiful bitch, ain't it?) And believe you me, I realize I don't have to do a DAMN thing if I don't want to, and won't. It's just a really hard thing for me to get my head around.
Besides, I've already thought about all the things I need to do with the money, and if that's yanked out from under me, I'm going to be sorely pissed. Not surprised in any way, shape or form, but pissed.
I didn't have time to go through the whole exchange between us yesterday, but basically, he said he wanted to make amends and that he's become a different person and so on and so forth, and that while his recollection of the figure he owed me was different, he wasn't necessarily going to argue with me. So I asked "What's the catch?" because you KNOW there's always a catch within everything we do whether we want to admit it or not, but he swears there isn't one. Even gives me his cell digits and says I can post them wherever I want if I don't believe him (which leads ME to believe he's found ol' Chez Broad here, and that's ... fine, I guess, but the digits do pan out). I write back and tell him that he'd gotten my attention and that I wasn't about to wreak havoc with his wife and family because, as we all know, I have enough crap at any given time without having a hostile wife killing my buzz. And then today, I told him the rest of the week was problematic so could we perhaps do it next week at some point. That's where it's been left. Now, of course it's only been one day and there are a million legitimate reasons why he may not have responded, but I don't trust him.
And see, that's kind of the problem, here. It's like, I get forgiveness and have a rather large capacity for it, as some of y'all know, but I'm having a time with this one. I mean, like I said, this goes way beyond the stupid shit you deal with after you break up with someone when you're in your early 20s. There was abuse, both emotional and physical, although I'm still loathe to even call the latter "abuse" because when it happened, I honestly didn't realize that's what it was until I found out months later that he attempted the same thing on a friend of mine he was trying to bed, except she was strong enough to fend him off. (THERE'S an interesting one for all you analyzers out there. Emotional abuse is beautiful bitch, ain't it?) And believe you me, I realize I don't have to do a DAMN thing if I don't want to, and won't. It's just a really hard thing for me to get my head around.
Besides, I've already thought about all the things I need to do with the money, and if that's yanked out from under me, I'm going to be sorely pissed. Not surprised in any way, shape or form, but pissed.
YYYYoooooooouuuuuu willlllll buyyyyyyy theeeeeeeee Waaaaaaaaaaadd faaaaaaaaahheeeeeeetaaaaaaa’ssssss....
Ahem.
Anyway.