You know, why is it that short girls with long waists, short legs and big asses and hips can't go to freakin' Wal-Mart, pull a pair of cargo capris off the rack and be able to wear them without looking like a sausage!?!? What the HELL, man!?!? All I want is a pair of olive green, cropped cargo pants to wear tomorrow night to the Roger Clyne gig. Is that too much to ask!?!? Sigh. But, it justifies for me a trip to Old Navy, and I'm always all about that.

Assuming I find a pair that I like, though, I'm not sure what top I'm going to wear. In my excitement toward my tax windfall, I bought this awesome silver necklace with two rhinestone circles, so that's my jewelry of choice. But I have a peach-colored, 3/4-length shirt with a collar that looks like it almost goes off the shoulders -- tres chic -- and I also have that white sweater with the low, round collar that would look just as cool. (Footwear has already been designated as a pair of black and white adidas kicks.) I know I could always see if my black linen cropped pants still fit over my giant ass, but I really do need a pair of olive green cargos, plus I don't really want to know if the $75 pair of Eileen Fisher linen pants don't fit just yet.

Of course, I can't do ANYTHING until FedEx gets here with my digital camera. Come, FedEx. Come to Butthead.