Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Region-y goodness

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Poster child for teeth whitening
Ever since the Great Weight Gain of Doom(tm), I'm not a fan of posting pictures of myself. But this one, taken at Tara and Sean's crib before the wedding, I kind of dig. I do really need to get some Crest strips, though, because my Pepsi habit's starting to catch up again. Or maybe it was the slut red lipstick.

[THIS JUST IN: Dangdiggity has a Prison Name generator over at her crib. My prison name? Ball Sucker. (Shut up, you.) But that's Ok, because the one guy's prison name would be Ugly Skank Bitch Twat. (And you can still shut up at any time.)]
Posted by Broad1:12 AM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Yeah, I know Adrian Zakula. Why do you ask?
Greetings, people who find me through googling him or however it is you get here --

When I do my stat check each day, rarely am I surprised by what I find people looking up; "big boobs," "my boobs hurt," "vinyl smell" or "skull fucking" are usually among the biggest draws. You know, nothing out of the ordinary here in Chez Broad, really.

But then there'll be months when visitors come looking for he of the over-gelled mop-top, and I have to tell you, y'all are FREAKING. ME. OUT. I mean, who are you that you are inquiring of the wonders that are Mr. Zakula? Seriously. Are you trying to do a background check because you want to date him? Or are you members of the illustrious committee trying to find recorded dirt? (If so, stop by and say 'Hi," yo! I'm sure I don't have anything you don't already know, but it's not like you don't know me, right!? Be social!) What IS it!?!? I need to know so I can, like, relax.

Something else you can do to ease my melon: See that banner down there about the silver jewelry? Click on it so I can get a wee referral fee. That is all.

[CLARIFICATION: When I said go click on the banner, what I really meant was, "Go buy something from them, because they've got some really cool stuff, and then I can get my wee referral fee."]
Posted by Broad2:03 PM
Saturday, April 30, 2005
You wouldn’t like me when I’m in a coma
Haven't had a lot to say the past couple days, what with getting up before 9 a.m., like, three days in a row and shit. Yeah, I know, I'm a candyass, but I'm not used to getting up that early, and three days of it? Holy shit. I was in walking coma yesterday as I covered a conference on NWI becoming the world's TDL hub. I'm still yawning just thinking about it. Oh, and I saw both Princess Diaries flicks, too, over at Greta's the other night -- the first one I dug, but the second sucked.

So after his whining and calling me a cocksucker (in the best possible way, of course), the Wad and I are drinking this fine eve. Perhaps he'll bring beer here, in which case Ima gonna have to do a quick clean of the crib, or else we'll hit a local watering hole. Tomorrow, however, is Tara's wedding, and I'm the designated photog for the day, so getting too smashed is prolly not a good idea. Or else I need to drink LOTS OF WATER.
Posted by Broad9:54 PM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Now THIS one makes me queasy
Remember my story on the "gross-out" game last week? The verdict was handed down last night, and I was there. The story and my thoughts after the jump.
Posted by Broad8:46 PM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Ow. My head
Damn, has Hooks' (my slutty yet previously svelte neighbor downstairs) gotten HUUUUUUGE. I mean, sure, I'm certainly not the most lithe specimen these days, but bitch should NOT be wearing sweatpants with elastic at the ankle. Holy shit. God help her if she's using her anal beads these days because them things is going to get lost up in there, is all I'm saying.

So you know how I tout the whole drinking water along with mass quantities of alcohol as keeping one headache-free after a night out? Yeah, that means you should probably also drink a lot more water during normal business hours; the ol' melon was throbbing unpleasantly this morning. Pair that with the boys playing "Attack Mommy's arm as if we're in Commando training," and you've got one fairly puffy broad who looks like she couldn't get the needle in. Just the same, last night was a good time. Still not a fan of going out by myself and likely won't do it again if I can help it, but I didn't die or anything, and I was surrounded by people I like. And I'm still totally cheesing over Opie and his girl -- it's kinda like I wanna squish 'em or something, but not in that "Ok, y'all are making me want to stab you in the eye with my pen" kind of way. I admit it: That kind of happiness makes me happy, too. Or maybe it's because Opie said he thinks I'm witty, which I think he was just drunk, but you know, we take our victories where we can, right!?

Oh, and our version of Creepy McCreeperson didn't fail to disappoint, either. Dude, you MUST thin out that Hipster mess on your head; if you have to use THAT MUCH gel to get it to lay down, it ain't working. Seriously.
Posted by Broad3:03 PM
Opie’s got a grrrrrl-friend
Well, unless you consider someone not being able to get their one-hitter to work a bad thing, tonight's stag outing was a good time had by all. All the right people were there, and I;m sifficitnely fucked-up (as you can see by the pathetic spelling). And? The one particular bad thing I convinced myself was happening isn't (n\]]]]]]]]]]]] (that's one of my cats, not me), so yay! (Not that another bad thing isn't happening, but whatever THAT is is a doablle thing. And yeah, I know I haven't shared what all these nbad things could be, but a girl's gota have some secrets, rigght@?!?)

Anyway, the exciting news is that Opie, our friend from the Mer summer trip, is dating the cutest girl in the universe, anfd evern though they're, like, only just into their whole thing, I hope this is a keeper, because she;s just darling, anf they look so happy together. Yay conventional relationships! Woo!
Posted by Broad5:23 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Alone, together …
All right, so I'm about to do something I rarely do and don't like doing but am going to do it anyway: I'm staggin' it to Bite the Lime tonight.

If anything bad happens, it's Snidgey's fault for not calling me back and talking me out of it.
Posted by Broad11:21 PM
Friday, April 15, 2005
Down at the Sunset Lounge …
No, I don't want to be up this early -- never do, and don't know why I am -- but while I am, here's the e-mail invite Randy over at the Bite the Lime sent out for its gig this weekend. Dude fuckin' cracks me up. (Completely unrelated, I have that one Spacehog song that made it relatively big stuck in my head.)
Posted by Broad8:10 AM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Tonight’s the night …
I see my college boyfriend for the first time in, oh, at least 10 years!?!?

Except for passing references and a coded in-joke to Wad, I haven't mentioned him much here because, well, he has no effect whatsoever on my world now and hasn't in the 10 or so years I haven't seen him. (Luckily for me, once I'm over it, it's, like, totally wiped from the annals. Getting to that point, however, is an entirely different critter that usually takes much longer than humanly necessary, but I digress.) Anyway, I'll be seeing him at an assignment -- a formal gig that the not-for-profit for which he works puts on for its clients each year -- which means I'll be putting on makeup, the industrial strength support thing-y and my fancy Ralph Lauren pants. Am I going to go out of my way to talk to him? Not at all. I have no reason to. Plus, I'm sure his wife's* going to be there, and that would be awkward considering he was doing us at the same time.

[UPDATE: Welp, there's nothing TO report, because if he was there, I didn't see him, and I certainly wasn't going to ask any of the employees if he was there. There WAS, however, this blonde chick that kept giving me the eyeball, and I wonder if that might have been his fucking bitch ol' lady wife, because although she knew me? I didn't know who SHE was. Of course, it could've also been that I was looking reasonably hot, and she was jealous of the hottness.]
Posted by Broad2:18 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Wad! Wad! Wad! Wad! Wad! …
(Once again, to the sex show chant of Requiem for a Dream)

Consider this your call to arms, ladies, to get the Wad to join us for the show Saturday. I figure if we start on him now, we'll get him worn down by then.

So what say you, Wad? Wanna join the wimmins for some Mexican beer, laughter and song? And farting? You know you do.
Posted by Broad6:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Anyone know what лещен is?
Because it keeps coming up in my stats. Now, I googled it, and supposedly it's something Macedonian, of which I'm supposed to be part in nationality, but damned if I don't know any of the language except for the Serbian Mer taught me, which equates to "No butt sex." (Don't ask.) Anyway, if anyone knows what it is, could you hep a sister out and let me know if it's filthy or if I'm offending all of Macedonia or anything? Or if it's like secret terrorist language that's hiding somewhere in my script? Thanks.
Posted by Broad12:05 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 04, 2005
Is it WRONG for a broad to …
really, REAAAALLLY want more BBQ on the day in which she can't even eat meat!?! Because I'm SERIOUSLY dying over here.
Posted by Broad3:38 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Or maybe BBQ would work better
I was just telling Snidgey about the most WONDERFUL BBQ I had the pleasure of devouring today. Ever hear of The Original Leon's BBQ in Chicago? His daughter and son-in-law opened up a Leon's BBQ Of Chicago in Hammond. Same recipe, same everything.

Oh. My. God. I think I need to marry the rip tips -- either that or slather them all over my naked body. Pure heaven, yo. HEA.VEN. Puts Carson's to shame, and that's a tall order there. Wow.
Posted by Broad2:03 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, February 24, 2005
24,000 on 24
I checked earlier, and it's actually today that's my one-year, and I was also the 24,000 visitor to my site since ... March, I think is when I set up my stats counter. So with that, I give you ... my prom pictures! You know, since we were talking about prom and all.

Oh. Yeah.

The first one is Junior prom 1987 in the dress I loved, loved, loved! Bought it myself for $80-something from this store I can't remember the name of, but it was at River Oaks mall when River Oaks was cool and outdoors. Was dating the guy, and all was good except for the strep throat I got the next day at Great America.

The SECOND one, on the other hand, was Senior prom '88 at my date's high school. Should've worn the dress from Junior Prom again, but you know, that would be WRONG. So instead, I wore the bridesmaid's dress from Cousin the Rich One's wedding. Note those sexy donut thingies on the sleeves and the way the dress color clashes with the background. Niiiiiice.

Funny story about Senior prom that I'll tell y'all later.
Posted by Broad3:55 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, February 21, 2005
All right, already! Jeez
[Note to Wad: Since you're having a hemorrhage, here's one -- guess who I'm likely going to run into March 19th at a formal event for a certain not-for-profit that deals with the handicapped? If you're thinking nitrate-processed lips and assholes on soggy white bread, you would not be wrong.]

Not much to report up in Chez Broad over the weekend. Turns out Cousin Nancy and I are supposed to shop tomorrow for dresses -- except if I get an assignment, which I undoubtedly will, we won't be going to the place I want to take her. But the prom isn't until May, so we do have some time. Of course, she also dropped it on me that she and the new boyfriend are MOVING IN TOGETHER in May as well, about which I'm not happy at all. I mean, Ok, she's 18 now and there's not a whole lot I can say about it, and I don't necessarily think it would be a colossally bad idea for her to see what paying an assload of bills is like on little more than minimum wage. But you guessed it -- she's doing it for all the wrong reasons. Sigh. I'm just hoping she and the new guy are using condoms.

In other news, I told you guys about the show on the 12th, right? Well, did I mention that I was supposed to interview headliner Brian Blush, too? For a Friday Lifestyle cover? Yeah. I've been calling the motherfucker all week, and he hasn't returned any of my calls. Oh, and my deadline is Tuesday noon. I haven't told Tara yet, as she and fiance Sean have been basking in the Florida sun all weekend, and I'm sure I can pull something together. But that's not the point. The point is, a story without the headliner kind of misses the whole point, not to mention puts everyone in a really bad position. Jerk. Will it ruin the show for me? Hell no, because my homies will be representin'. But depending on the amount of woo! juice I gots in me, Brian might get booed.

Actually, here's a nice little story courtesy of Snidge about the woo! girl. Enjoy.
Posted by Broad2:20 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 22 of 25 pages « First  <  20 21 22 23 24 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

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