Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death

Normal bitching

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Is it just me …
Or does anyone absolutely HATE that "Color My World" M&Ms commerical as much as I do!?!?! Gah! I. HATE. that. woman's. voice. (shudders) And MUST they play it every hour on every freakin' hour!?!?!
Posted by Broad5:28 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Greta pissed off the laaaand-lords …
Word of advice: The Dutch Boy paint color "Weathered Bronze"? Looks great on the walls, even better in the pan, but like diarrhea on gray sweats. I'm just sayin'.

Thank God the Emperor Warrior Kendar has accepted his mission to make my hair extra-gorgeous tomorrow, because right now, I'm rockin' 'do-rag head from a whole evening of painting, and my roots are tired, tired, tired. I may blame my "egg donor" (heretofore known as Sea Hag, unless I decide otherwise) for myriad genetic things (i.e. my big ass and thighs), but one good thing she did give me was fantastic hair -- except that I've been going gray since I was, oh, 20-ish, I think. Still, good, thick hair that pretty much does what I want it to.

Ok, s'anyway, about Greta and the landlords? I KNEW this was going to happen, but sometimes, there's just no telling people.
Posted by Broad5:18 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 26, 2004
Looks is deceiving sometimes.
You know the jokes that go around about weather in the Midwest? They're not jokes, y'all; the weatherman just said there's going to be a coldfront slithering its nasty, scaly way through tomorrow afternoon, taking the temp down from 60-ish to 40-something. Talk about a buzzkill, man. And here, I just broke out the short-sleeved PDP (as in Poi Dog Pondering, one of the best-ever live bands I've seen) t-shirt to sleep in. Booooooooooo.
Posted by Broad3:47 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 22, 2004
Guess I’m not a bitch after all.
I was kinda hoping for "cunt" or "cocksucking whore," but I'm too nice, apparently. I'll have to work on that.


What swear word are you?
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That is all.
Posted by Broad4:34 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Mmmmmm … cleeeeeean
The cool thing about Greta moving? She just got her new appliances today, including a washer and dryer that I'm allowed to use whenever I want, thankyouverymuch. Nothing like nice, clean jammies to cuddle up with.

But the bad news about Greta moving? I've been roped into helping. A lot. Because she refuses to hire a mover. (Whimper.) The painting stuff I don't mind, because my dad never let me help him paint when I was little (in fact, he never let me around any kind of tools, probably because, as a former friend of mine put it, "(I'm) as useless as tits on a bull."), so I get to play weekend warrior or whatever. But this physical labor stuff has got. to. go. I'm not cut out for it, especially since she wants to move at warp speed, and I don't have warp speed in me -- unless, of course, you're talking about my brain unmedicated. THEN we have warp speed 24/7, but then the rest of me doesn't move nearly as quick, and ... whatever. S'anyway, yeah, moving sucks.

Meanwhile, in less than 12 hours, I will be covering a patriotic rally Friend is holding before the auctioning off of his "Texas School Book Depository" sign. Based on the "prepared statement" he faxed to me earlier, this ought to be a Kafka-esque nightmare. I mean, he used "impish grin" to describe himself, fer chrissakes.
Posted by Broad5:10 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 19, 2004
Good God! My face is HUGE!
Since I finally got my money from my 403 and the money I was supposed to get from that last check, I decided to take care of some errands that I've neglected for a few weeks, like getting the driver's license renewed that needed to be renewed, oh, a month ago.

Well, it's not a BAD picture, really, if I didn't have that freakin' double chin.
Posted by Broad9:12 PM • (0) Trackbacks
For the past couple years since I left the magazine I used to work for, I would do the research for a big issue it does. But I found out today that I won't be doing it this year. Which is fine, it happens I guess, except it's a nice chunk o' change. Guess I won't be making it back to New York this year after all. Sigh.

In other news, Jimmy Kimmel, who I love, love, love, just had this 8 year-old girl belch "Hello, DMX!" to DMX, and I laughed and laaaaaaughed. I guess I must be a dude at heart, because bodily noises? Crack me up. For instance, this here never fails to lighten my mood if I'm in a shitty one. No pun intended. Heh.

More later; it was a long day, which ended with me covering the world's worst muni government. I'll get you for this, JB!
Posted by Broad4:57 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
All this over a station wagon
To the woman who had a hemorrhage at me for parking so close to her beloved Volvo: You know, the point of me doing that WAS to get back at the asshole who decided he needed two parking spaces. But since YOU were such a twat to ME, then here's my response had you stuck around and not yelled "BITCH" at the top of your lungs in a municipal government parking lot.

I hope getting your ass stuck on the gear shift got you off good, because I know your man doesn't want to fuck some fat broad who can't squeeze into her own car.

No, seriously, had she not freaked out and acted like an idiot, I would be happy to apologize. But no, she got up in my face. Freak. Go have another Twinkie.
Posted by Broad5:50 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 15, 2004
Will Perry love a cripple?
Just spent the whole day painting Greta's new living room; I was the trim girl. (Heh. Trim. Yeah, baby.) I don't think there will be drugs strong enough to relax my back before tomorrow at 4 p.m. Good Christ, my hip flexors suck.
Posted by Broad2:02 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Me me me meeeeeme
I've been trying to start my 100 things thing, but dang, that's tough when everyone else's is so funny. So I'll take baby steps and hork this meme (courtesy of Glovebox Sandwiches). Read 'em now, y'all, because I ain't fillin' 'em out when you send them to me in the mail.
Posted by Broad10:45 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Random observation not fueled by coffee
As I was trying to get myself up and off the couch and head into the shower, I caught a segment on "GMA" that claims weddings have become a big thing in Iraq. Which is all right, I guess, but in the wedding they showed, the dude was all smiling and partying up, while the woman looked as if she was about to hit the gas chamber.
Posted by Broad12:06 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Understatement of the year
Posted by Broad6:19 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 08, 2004
Financial disaster averted
I'm going to have to cash in what's left of my 403 to do it, though, but that was ineveitable, anyway, since as a free-lancer I'm going to have to pay all my taxes this year. But I'll deal, because it also means I can pay off my computer, that stupid piece-of-shit Capital One card that keeps ass-raping me with fees, and get some other things done, such as new glasses and a long-overdue-and-not-of-the-fun-variety exam of my nether regions. (I know, the excitement doesn't seem to stop over here in NWI.) And Greta was nice enough to let me pay half of the rent money she lent me (contingent upon getting the 403 money, natch) so that I might catch up on the rest of the bills. And get myself a new pair of jammies from Target, which are just too damn cute for words (white with round kitty heads sucking on a feather, the words "bad kitty" underneath all the kitty heads. Rowr).
Posted by Broad5:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 05, 2004
So THAT’S where she got that.
I just saw "Bring It On" for the first time. Good flick. For some reason, I've been fixating on where Pixel Sphinx got the phrase, "The poo, take a whiff," and now I know ... or maybe I don't. But Kirsten Dunst says it in the movie, anyway. And of course, I can do every last one of the stunts performed, too.

Two assignments tomorrow -- one at 8 a.m. and the other at 11:30, so that means I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn. At least they'll have coffee.
Posted by Broad3:08 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
No accounting for taste
I don't get it. How does a man with a head as long my freakin' calf get any kind of play, let alone with hot, rich babes who grace Page 6? Or is there something about dick size being in direct proportion with the size of one's melon that I missed? Because there's no way in hell that guy could've gotten play without packin' some heat.

[UPDATE: No sooner did I post this when Wonkette posted proof. No, I do NOT buy it that he's packing THAT much heat.]
Posted by Broad2:59 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 6 of 7 pages « First  <  4 5 6 7 >
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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