Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Friday, March 26, 2004
Looks is deceiving sometimes.
You know the jokes that go around about weather in the Midwest? They're not jokes, y'all; the weatherman just said there's going to be a coldfront slithering its nasty, scaly way through tomorrow afternoon, taking the temp down from 60-ish to 40-something. Talk about a buzzkill, man. And here, I just broke out the short-sleeved PDP (as in Poi Dog Pondering, one of the best-ever live bands I've seen) t-shirt to sleep in. Booooooooooo.
Posted by Broad3:47 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, March 25, 2004
You THINK you scooped me, but you really didn’t.
So today, I get a e-mail from the chick who's filling in for one of the editors I write for, telling me I need to contact her about a story I did. It was a meeting story, nothing earth-shattering ... or so I thought, because attached to her e-mail is the story the competition did from the same meeting. Now, I don't know where the other reporter got her information -- if she'd gotten tipped off to the thing prior to the meeing or, because she covers this particular beat regularly, she knew what to ask -- but there was NOTHING discussed in that meeting that would have led me to what she had.

Luckily, our reporter, doll that she is, did some folo-up on it and found that what the competition had was true, but it wasn't what they made it sound like. So THERE, competition. If you feel you have to blow things out of proportion to best me, party on. But that's why you work for them and not us. Pppppphhhhhbbbbbt.

Say it with me now: We take our victories where we can.
Posted by Broad9:30 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, love-ly day …
Does mine skin deceive me, or has winter finally loosened her half-nelson from our necks and let spring arrive!?!? Because it was absolutely GOR-jus outside today. Sure, it was raining, and it's probably going to rain the whole weekend, but you know what? That doesn't matter, because it's FREAKING WARM! Got the window in by bedroom wide open, the breeze is nice and mellow ... awwwww yeah, it's ALL good up in here.

Except, of course, for the fact that, with reverence and apologies to Dooce, my ovaries are hungry.

Good Lord! nothing has been safe in my crib the past couple days. I mean, I've already gone through a whole pack of string cheese and, like, 11 "steak" and cheese Ole taquitos (you know, the kind you stick in the microwave) over the past three days, not to mention a whole bag of raisins. Oh, and the 12-pack of Michelob Ultra? There's two left. It's a good thing I haven't made a toona-noona yet (aka tuna casserole), because there's not doubt I'd put the whole thing down. Fortunately, I'm not one of those people who craves chocolate during PMS; unfortunately, I'm more likely to crave fried cheese. Or pizza. Or Club Chalupas, which, thank God, are no longer being offered. Sometimes I'll crave green fettucine with marinara, but that hasn't happened in awhile. But the double chin I was bitching about in my driver's license picture? It's not just the picture anymore. Here's hoping that that's just water bloat ...

But yeah, I'm getting the Fever in the worst way. There's nothing more perfect than to have your window open at night, light cool breeze kissing your face, and your linens nice and cold. Yum, yum, yum.
Posted by Broad1:37 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Immediate crisis averted
Got off the phone with Mother, and I think we're finally on the same page. Basically, we agreed that we would let the banks' financial wonks tell us the best way to guard her money from the evil nursing homes, should it come to that. (Personally, I don't think it ever will, because I'm quite sure the woman will NEVER DIE, but that's beside the point. And yes, of COURSE I love my mother, so don't get all sanctimonious. Y'all don't know her, and those that do know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a family thing.) But a shout of thanks goes out to Thrifty jennifer, who confirmed I wasn't nuts about how I thought the money should be handled.

In the meantime, which idiot generic rapper dude thought it was a good idea to take Chaka Khan's classic tune "Through the Fire," put it on 33 speed and then rap over it!?!? My GOD, he should be shot. I heard it yesterday while I was out, and I was ready to claw my eyes out. How could you want to take such a gorgeous song and skull-fuck it like that!?!?

Do I smell P-Dookie behind this travesty!?!
Posted by Broad4:52 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Woo, X-Rock!
Flipping channels on the way home from the meeting I covered, and I land on "The Rock of Region -- X-Rock, 103.9!" Known for sticking with nothing but the 60s, 70s and 80s, sometimes they'll pull out a dusty that you've never heard or you're like, "Wooooow, when was the last time I heard THAT!?!?" But the dusty they pull out? "Showbiz Kids," by my absolute favorite band in the universe, Steely Dan. AND THEY DIDN'T BLEEP OUT THE NAUGHTY PART!

You know them showbiz kids making movies of themselves?
You know they don't give a FUCK about anybody else.

In the meatime, the last two people on "American Idol" sounded like ass. And yeah, that includes the football guy.
Posted by Broad12:29 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
So much to do …
Ok, so I've already turned in two stories for the day, and I have one more to go. Good thing I'm making money, because my mother has it in her head that I'm going to steal hers.
Posted by Broad10:18 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 22, 2004
My secret (even to me) life in Internet porn
So way early this morning, I get into my C-panel and start playing around with AWstats, which shows, among other things, who's come to my site (yeah, y'all can try and deny it all you want, but I gots the proof now, heh) and who's also linking to it (such as the lovely Cornelia and Dana, a Hoosier of as-of-yet unknown origin -- love the love, ladies!). It also shows where I've included links back to "Broad" when I leave comments.

Well, someone's either horking my URL or there are freak accidents happening, because I think I've somehow been linked to several really over-the-top porn Web sites.

Now, don't get me wrong, here; I'm all about me some Internet porn. But there are just some things I'm not willing to put out in the ether, and I can promise you beyond anything that I'm not willingly putting my URL on sites about female ejaculation. So, if you see me there, have yourself a party, but it ain't me.
Posted by Broad2:38 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Guess I’m not a bitch after all.
I was kinda hoping for "cunt" or "cocksucking whore," but I'm too nice, apparently. I'll have to work on that.


What swear word are you?
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That is all.
Posted by Broad4:34 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Blog peeping is fun!
Misty likes me. Know why? Because she linked me to her blog. Yup, that's right, I've got more linkage. And I'm diggin' it, and her, because she's funny and writes haiku on Thursdays.

I may make fun of my pal Zook, but damned if he isn't right about digging the love when it's thrown your way.
Posted by Broad5:59 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Feeding the beast, 12 inches at a time
Because I'm so excited that the desk didn't cut or change my story in any way, I'm linking to it:

Clicky hee-yah.

The link'll be gone by tomorrow, so see my amazing reporting skills today while you still can.

[UPDATE: Since my original text wasn't touched in anyway, and I'm not done getting over that fact, (plus I'm an idiot and didn't pull it off the Web site to include in my portfolio), I'm posting it below for everyone to adore. I'm still just so digging my lede, yo.]

[UPDATE REDUX: Ok, the story? Didn't appear in the paper with the notes to the copy desk. Please disregard. Thank you.]
Posted by Broad3:45 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Hot dogs! Get your Grassy Knoll hot dogs!
I must've said this 10 times today, but I'll say it again:

Adrian Zakula is the only person I know that could take a freedom-of-expression controversy and turn it into a beer party.

I'm using his name now because I reported on the story, plus he has absolutely no shame. Not that he needed it ... this time (!), but it's safe to say that our friend Zook, in true Zook fashion, is thoroughly enjoying his time in the spotlight and was goodly plowed by 2 p.m. (Yeah, because I wasn't of course. Heh. And boy, did that feel good! A sunny, 60-degree day pounding a few among friends after I've done my reporting? You betcha. I can't tell you the last time I was out among the living doing stuff other than working or shopping with Greta. Methinks I need to do more of that more often.)

Really, though, I don't know that I wouldn't have done the same thing -- no, scratch that; I know I would've. See, way back in the day, I had a bit of controversy myself with the whole freedom of speech/expression issue.
Posted by Broad4:11 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Mmmmmm … cleeeeeean
The cool thing about Greta moving? She just got her new appliances today, including a washer and dryer that I'm allowed to use whenever I want, thankyouverymuch. Nothing like nice, clean jammies to cuddle up with.

But the bad news about Greta moving? I've been roped into helping. A lot. Because she refuses to hire a mover. (Whimper.) The painting stuff I don't mind, because my dad never let me help him paint when I was little (in fact, he never let me around any kind of tools, probably because, as a former friend of mine put it, "(I'm) as useless as tits on a bull."), so I get to play weekend warrior or whatever. But this physical labor stuff has got. to. go. I'm not cut out for it, especially since she wants to move at warp speed, and I don't have warp speed in me -- unless, of course, you're talking about my brain unmedicated. THEN we have warp speed 24/7, but then the rest of me doesn't move nearly as quick, and ... whatever. S'anyway, yeah, moving sucks.

Meanwhile, in less than 12 hours, I will be covering a patriotic rally Friend is holding before the auctioning off of his "Texas School Book Depository" sign. Based on the "prepared statement" he faxed to me earlier, this ought to be a Kafka-esque nightmare. I mean, he used "impish grin" to describe himself, fer chrissakes.
Posted by Broad5:10 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 19, 2004
Good God! My face is HUGE!
Since I finally got my money from my 403 and the money I was supposed to get from that last check, I decided to take care of some errands that I've neglected for a few weeks, like getting the driver's license renewed that needed to be renewed, oh, a month ago.

Well, it's not a BAD picture, really, if I didn't have that freakin' double chin.
Posted by Broad9:12 PM • (0) Trackbacks
For the past couple years since I left the magazine I used to work for, I would do the research for a big issue it does. But I found out today that I won't be doing it this year. Which is fine, it happens I guess, except it's a nice chunk o' change. Guess I won't be making it back to New York this year after all. Sigh.

In other news, Jimmy Kimmel, who I love, love, love, just had this 8 year-old girl belch "Hello, DMX!" to DMX, and I laughed and laaaaaaughed. I guess I must be a dude at heart, because bodily noises? Crack me up. For instance, this here never fails to lighten my mood if I'm in a shitty one. No pun intended. Heh.

More later; it was a long day, which ended with me covering the world's worst muni government. I'll get you for this, JB!
Posted by Broad4:57 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Another Kennedy conspiracy
Most mornings after I wake up, pee and feed the boys, I start my day by jumping online and checking to see if any of my stories made it to the paper's Web site, and then I check the competition to see if whoever was there from them wrote the story better than I did. So, I'm perusing the competition today and I see the headline "Controversial sign in Hobart to be removed." And immediately I froze, because I just knew that somehow, someway, one of the one guy's idiot friends was involved. Sure enough, I wasn't wrong.
Posted by Broad4:03 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 84 of 87 pages « First  <  82 83 84 85 86 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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