Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Monday, April 05, 2004
Not funny, but hysterical at the same time. Period.
Today, Zoot tells a funny story about her childhood, and you must read it, because it's just that damn funny.

See it here.
Posted by Broad6:04 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Word of advice for the boys …
Ok, I did have a fucked-up-but-interesting dream last night, but it wasn't particularly vivid. Upon waking up, however, I was thinking about the one guy, and my thoughts led to one of my biggest pet peeves in the universe EVER.
Posted by Broad3:02 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Unintentional hard-on
I started posting about something that happened to a pal last week, but I can't do it without promoting something else that absolutely does NOT deserve one ounce more of consideration by anyone. Hence, I've withdrawn it. So sorry if you're all hot-and-bothered now; as Robert Palmer used to sing, "I didn't mean to turn you on."

Maybe I'll have one of my fucked-up-but-terribly-interesting dreams on which to blather when I wake up.
Posted by Broad4:29 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Goin’ to the chapel …
You know you're getting old when the next-door neighbor girls you used to babysit are now getting married and throwing their own bachelorette parties. Hell, I still can't get over the fact that I could possibly run into either one of them at a bar. Good Lord. But the wedding shower Mother and I went to today was lovely, and it was nice to see the girls, etc. The bridesmaids were clones of each other, though: Tall; long, razor-cut, highlighted hair; and wafer-thin. And all wearing stillettos. Feh.

Not a whole lot to talk about right now -- had a last minute story I picked up before the shower that I should pound out (an Easter egg hunt in a roller rink, of all places -- makes me want to go skating BIG TIME), and then I'm retiring to an evening of watching Fox and reading "Allure" and "InStyle," two of my not-so-guilty pleasures. Do wish I'd have picked up some beer while I was out, though.
Posted by Broad10:29 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, April 02, 2004
The Corolla was alive with the sound of music …
You know how sometimes you're driving along and there's just NOTHING on the radio? (This dilemma might be more prevalent among those who are unbashed channel-flippers, like me.) Today was SO not one of those days. Among the tunes I heard while I was out today:
"Honky-Tonk Woman," The Stones
"Today," Smashing Pumpkins
"With or Without You," U2
"Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'," Journey
"Dragula," Rob Zombie (who I saw in concert two years ago, at 32)
"Hey Ya," Outkast (twice)

Can't beat those on a sunny, albeit windy and butt-freezing, day.
Posted by Broad6:27 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Meme-in’ to the Oldies
Found this over at Zoot's crib, who cribbed it off Catherine. Fun exercise -- y'all should crib it, too, but you have to promise to tell Catherine about it if you do. Not because she'll be pissed if you do it; she just wants to hear your damn songs, man. The trick is, though, to narrow it down, because I don't know about you, but I have a million billion songs for each of these.
Posted by Broad12:16 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Best. $100. spent. EVER.
Taxman: $249

Me: Thinking of all the ways I'm going to spend the $800 I WON'T HAVE TO PAY THE TAXMAN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Is that a little Canon digital camera I see in my future? Why, yes! I think it IS ...
Posted by Broad5:14 PM • (0) Trackbacks
There’s one for you, 19 for me …
Nothing like getting your taxes done on freaking April Fool's Day, right!?!? Fuck. Not only that, but I have to get up at, like 7 a.m. (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know -- cry me a river. But you don't underSTAAAAAAAAANNNND ...) to drive ALL the way down to Fair Oaks, which is just south of Deliverance Country, or where I spent last Friday, to have them done. Not only THAT, but I have to take MOTHER with me, and she will no doubt be awake and rarin' to bitch about all the crap I have in my backseat. At 7 in the morning. Let the tears commence. My accountant's fabulously excellent, though; I met her and her husband when I covered a gun show they held, like, going on five years ago (they host guns shows on the side), and they liked the story I wrote about them. Allegedly, that story still hangs in some gun shops in Lake, Porter, and Jasper Counties, and how many people do you know that can say that, huh!?!? That's what I thought.

Speaking of covering good stuff, can I just tell you again that JB is a rotten bastard and I hope he has a hangover every freakin' day as he and his girlfriend are boozin' it up in DUBLIN THIS WEEK!?!?!? (Yeah, that would be Ireland, not Ohio.)
Posted by Broad2:46 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Is it just me …
Or does anyone absolutely HATE that "Color My World" M&Ms commerical as much as I do!?!?! Gah! I. HATE. that. woman's. voice. (shudders) And MUST they play it every hour on every freakin' hour!?!?!
Posted by Broad5:28 PM • (0) Trackbacks
I swear, I didn’t make this up!
"You know, it's a little disconcerting when your cat gets wood." -- Kaffy, whose cat just can't get enough of her love, bay-baaaaaay!

Actually, nothing of import happened today, so I'll just leave y'all with that until tomorrow. Party on, man.
Posted by Broad2:16 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
You heard it here first:
"I have a fucked-up relationship with my cat!" -- Kaffy, upon getting her cat aroused for the second time in three days.

Posted by Broad1:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 29, 2004
Kaffy’s new live-in lover
I look forward to the last Sunday of each month, because that's when the illustrious Emperor Warrior Kendar , aka Good King WOO!hair, has about six of us over to his crib and makes us beautiful by working his stylist magic. We all arrive between 11 and 1, and then we order some food and sit around and laaaaaaaugh and laaaaugh before he gets down to business. We all leave with gorgeous colors and cuts and highlights and things, plus I get to see some of my bestest friends in the universe, like Kaffy, who, upon losing a freakin' buttload of weight, just might have found a new boyfriend, because lately, she seems to be getting awful friendly with a relative young, gorgeous black ... cat.
Posted by Broad10:50 PM • (0) Trackbacks
That’ll learn me to eat taquitos so close to bedtime
Ok, I was going to start out by telling y'all about the boner Kaffy's cat pops everytime he gets on his groove, but I'm going to save it for later, because first, I have to tell you about the dream I just had before I got up, plus I can't NOT comment on the headline with which I was greeted upon logging on.

First, the headline (see here). Mmm-hmmmmm, because ordering your girlfriend to take off her clothes and having a dude she just met go down on her, then SHOOTING THEM BOTH, isn't cruel and unusual. Riiiiiiight. (Background info courtesy of here.)

My thoughts? I think that if you do something you're not supposed to, the punishment should fit the crime, hot-poker-up-the-ass for hot-poker-up-the-ass. So, if you murder someone, especially more than once like this idiot did, I don't think it's right that he should be allowed to choose the way he gets to die. All he's doing is wasting our money, getting too much press time, and, I suspect, trying to get some poor schmuck to write his life story. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think he's entitled to that.
Posted by Broad3:31 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Greta pissed off the laaaand-lords …
Word of advice: The Dutch Boy paint color "Weathered Bronze"? Looks great on the walls, even better in the pan, but like diarrhea on gray sweats. I'm just sayin'.

Thank God the Emperor Warrior Kendar has accepted his mission to make my hair extra-gorgeous tomorrow, because right now, I'm rockin' 'do-rag head from a whole evening of painting, and my roots are tired, tired, tired. I may blame my "egg donor" (heretofore known as Sea Hag, unless I decide otherwise) for myriad genetic things (i.e. my big ass and thighs), but one good thing she did give me was fantastic hair -- except that I've been going gray since I was, oh, 20-ish, I think. Still, good, thick hair that pretty much does what I want it to.

Ok, s'anyway, about Greta and the landlords? I KNEW this was going to happen, but sometimes, there's just no telling people.
Posted by Broad5:18 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Extreme ambulance chasing
Not sure if it made the national news, but for you Region/Chicago folk, you know that huge accident that happened on northbound I-65 near Crown Point this morning? Guess who went chasing after the facts of it? Plus found TWO MORE ACCIDENTS RIGHT AFTER THEY HAPPENED!?!? Yeah, that would be ME. Holy shit, dude, I would NOT have wanted to have been driving north anywhere south of Merrillville today, because I'm telling you, those poor schmucks are probably just getting past Lowell about now. It was that bad.
Posted by Broad3:11 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Page 83 of 87 pages « First  <  81 82 83 84 85 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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