Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Guess I’m not a bitch after all.
I was kinda hoping for "cunt" or "cocksucking whore," but I'm too nice, apparently. I'll have to work on that.


What swear word are you?
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That is all.
Posted by Broad8:34 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Blog peeping is fun!
Misty likes me. Know why? Because she linked me to her blog. Yup, that's right, I've got more linkage. And I'm diggin' it, and her, because she's funny and writes haiku on Thursdays.

I may make fun of my pal Zook, but damned if he isn't right about digging the love when it's thrown your way.
Posted by Broad9:59 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Feeding the beast, 12 inches at a time
Because I'm so excited that the desk didn't cut or change my story in any way, I'm linking to it:

Clicky hee-yah.

The link'll be gone by tomorrow, so see my amazing reporting skills today while you still can.

[UPDATE: Since my original text wasn't touched in anyway, and I'm not done getting over that fact, (plus I'm an idiot and didn't pull it off the Web site to include in my portfolio), I'm posting it below for everyone to adore. I'm still just so digging my lede, yo.]

[UPDATE REDUX: Ok, the story? Didn't appear in the paper with the notes to the copy desk. Please disregard. Thank you.]
Posted by Broad7:45 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Hot dogs! Get your Grassy Knoll hot dogs!
I must've said this 10 times today, but I'll say it again:

Adrian Zakula is the only person I know that could take a freedom-of-expression controversy and turn it into a beer party.

I'm using his name now because I reported on the story, plus he has absolutely no shame. Not that he needed it ... this time (!), but it's safe to say that our friend Zook, in true Zook fashion, is thoroughly enjoying his time in the spotlight and was goodly plowed by 2 p.m. (Yeah, because I wasn't of course. Heh. And boy, did that feel good! A sunny, 60-degree day pounding a few among friends after I've done my reporting? You betcha. I can't tell you the last time I was out among the living doing stuff other than working or shopping with Greta. Methinks I need to do more of that more often.)

Really, though, I don't know that I wouldn't have done the same thing -- no, scratch that; I know I would've. See, way back in the day, I had a bit of controversy myself with the whole freedom of speech/expression issue.
Posted by Broad8:11 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 19, 2004
Mmmmmm … cleeeeeean
The cool thing about Greta moving? She just got her new appliances today, including a washer and dryer that I'm allowed to use whenever I want, thankyouverymuch. Nothing like nice, clean jammies to cuddle up with.

But the bad news about Greta moving? I've been roped into helping. A lot. Because she refuses to hire a mover. (Whimper.) The painting stuff I don't mind, because my dad never let me help him paint when I was little (in fact, he never let me around any kind of tools, probably because, as a former friend of mine put it, "(I'm) as useless as tits on a bull."), so I get to play weekend warrior or whatever. But this physical labor stuff has got. to. go. I'm not cut out for it, especially since she wants to move at warp speed, and I don't have warp speed in me -- unless, of course, you're talking about my brain unmedicated. THEN we have warp speed 24/7, but then the rest of me doesn't move nearly as quick, and ... whatever. S'anyway, yeah, moving sucks.

Meanwhile, in less than 12 hours, I will be covering a patriotic rally Friend is holding before the auctioning off of his "Texas School Book Depository" sign. Based on the "prepared statement" he faxed to me earlier, this ought to be a Kafka-esque nightmare. I mean, he used "impish grin" to describe himself, fer chrissakes.
Posted by Broad9:10 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Good God! My face is HUGE!
Since I finally got my money from my 403 and the money I was supposed to get from that last check, I decided to take care of some errands that I've neglected for a few weeks, like getting the driver's license renewed that needed to be renewed, oh, a month ago.

Well, it's not a BAD picture, really, if I didn't have that freakin' double chin.
Posted by Broad1:12 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, March 18, 2004
For the past couple years since I left the magazine I used to work for, I would do the research for a big issue it does. But I found out today that I won't be doing it this year. Which is fine, it happens I guess, except it's a nice chunk o' change. Guess I won't be making it back to New York this year after all. Sigh.

In other news, Jimmy Kimmel, who I love, love, love, just had this 8 year-old girl belch "Hello, DMX!" to DMX, and I laughed and laaaaaaughed. I guess I must be a dude at heart, because bodily noises? Crack me up. For instance, this here never fails to lighten my mood if I'm in a shitty one. No pun intended. Heh.

More later; it was a long day, which ended with me covering the world's worst muni government. I'll get you for this, JB!
Posted by Broad8:57 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Another Kennedy conspiracy
Most mornings after I wake up, pee and feed the boys, I start my day by jumping online and checking to see if any of my stories made it to the paper's Web site, and then I check the competition to see if whoever was there from them wrote the story better than I did. So, I'm perusing the competition today and I see the headline "Controversial sign in Hobart to be removed." And immediately I froze, because I just knew that somehow, someway, one of the one guy's idiot friends was involved. Sure enough, I wasn't wrong.
Posted by Broad8:03 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
All this over a station wagon
To the woman who had a hemorrhage at me for parking so close to her beloved Volvo: You know, the point of me doing that WAS to get back at the asshole who decided he needed two parking spaces. But since YOU were such a twat to ME, then here's my response had you stuck around and not yelled "BITCH" at the top of your lungs in a municipal government parking lot.

I hope getting your ass stuck on the gear shift got you off good, because I know your man doesn't want to fuck some fat broad who can't squeeze into her own car.

No, seriously, had she not freaked out and acted like an idiot, I would be happy to apologize. But no, she got up in my face. Freak. Go have another Twinkie.
Posted by Broad9:50 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, March 15, 2004
My date with Perry Farrell: So. Unbelievably. Best.
You have no idea how completely freakin' cool this day was, and on so many different levels, too. God, where to start ...
Posted by Broad6:32 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Will Perry love a cripple?
Just spent the whole day painting Greta's new living room; I was the trim girl. (Heh. Trim. Yeah, baby.) I don't think there will be drugs strong enough to relax my back before tomorrow at 4 p.m. Good Christ, my hip flexors suck.
Posted by Broad6:02 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Region folk on metrosexuality
"Would I get a manicure? Sure. But I'll also take a bat to your head." -- The one guy, very early Sunday morning, March 14
Posted by Broad7:35 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Me me me meeeeeme
I've been trying to start my 100 things thing, but dang, that's tough when everyone else's is so funny. So I'll take baby steps and hork this meme (courtesy of Glovebox Sandwiches). Read 'em now, y'all, because I ain't fillin' 'em out when you send them to me in the mail.
Posted by Broad2:45 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, March 12, 2004
Got my kitty rockin’ like Dokken
Me: Sitting at my desk, chair-thrashing to "Just Because," which I've been blasting over and over since finding out I will be seeing PERRY FARRELL on Monday (did I mention that already? If not, I'm going to see PERRY FARRELL of Jane's Addiction fame on Monday. I might even get to talk to him.)

My big cat: Over on the bed, getting his groove on with the afghan, purring loudly.

We rock over in this hizzouse, yo.
Posted by Broad8:37 AM • (0) Trackbacks
I will SO be wearing the red Manolos for this.
Ok, so long before I realized I was supposed to write, I worked for IEG, a Chicago-based publishing company that specializes in the sponsorship industry. (For our purposes here, my position wasn't important, but it was customer service wonk/fulfillment wonk, if you're interested.) And each year, they held a 3-1/2 day conference about sponsorship and would bring in all these huge names in the industry to keynote. It was, like, the total bomb-diggity, held at the Chicago Hilton & Towers, which is totally swank -- so swank that, because it's a gi-normous event each year, the hotel throws in the Conrad Hilton suite gratis for the company owners to crash. Nothing like partying in a two-story hotel suite with a butler, lemme tell YOU.

But that's not the point. The point is, one of the keynote speakers this year is none other than Perry Farrell -- you know, leader of Jane's Addiction? -- and THEY'RE ISSUING ME A PRESS PASS TO SEE HIM! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Now, he's not granting interviews so far, but I've already been told that if I happen to catch him as he's walking from the ballroom, I won't be precluded from trying to pin him down (provided, of course, that I don't literally pin him down and try to hump his leg while muttering "I love you!" over and over. But I can't make any promises, because IT'S PERRY FUCKIN' FARRELL! OH. MY. GOD.)

You wish you were me now, doncha!?!?
Posted by Broad6:40 AM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...

The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:

Save the Net Now

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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.


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