Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Free drugs. Boo.
The thing about the three-day flavored nuclear grade antibiotics that I probably should've taken into consideration? They're nondiscriminate against the bacteria they target. Meemees are screaming loud and clear, yo.

[ED NOTE: I just spent a lot of time with a post continuing about BFKAS and the Crones, but then I decided I wasn't in the mood to whine about them anymore, so I deleted it. It was a shite pile, anyway, so I don't feel bad about using my editorial license to chuck it. Really, it's best to catch me on a tear after something good and juicy happens with them, which it inevitably will. Or maybe I've just grown tired of their ridiculousness. One can only hope, anyway, but I doubt it, because when it comes down to it? There's something to be said about nature, and try as I might, I haven't escaped it yet. But something I will piss and moan about? The one guy's slacking something fierce, and we don't like it.]
Posted by Broad2:33 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, May 10, 2004
Free drugs! Woo!
Nothing like going to your doctor to pick up your free meds and have him hand me not just a Z-Pak, but a THREE-DAY Z-PAK. I didn't even know they made them in the three-day flavor! Excellent! Now maybe I can get rid of this stupid lethargy/whininess kicking my ass.

So today after I covered this thing at the nursing home one of my pals works at and drove off the two-beer buzz I acquired at lunch, I started flipping out about Hannah's baby shower in a couple weeks. See, I'm really not looking forward to seeing the BFKAS and her minions (aka my brother and sister, as well as my sister's two kids, I'm sure). No, seriously.
Posted by Broad8:08 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, May 09, 2004
To da Mommas in the hizzie …
And that would be Mother; the aunts and childed cousins in my fucked-up family; and even BFKAS, though she's incapable of being in my life; plus Zoot; Jess (for Cameron AND Pete); Kim (hey! Mitten!); Mac (Murphy and the cat); Cornelia and Kat (with the rats); Yvonne;and all the others who've given of themselves to raise creatures great and small:
Posted by Broad3:22 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Still feh-ful, yo
Man, this old isn't letting up. I can breathe and all, but damn! I'm still coughing and all that. Feh.

But check out my assignment tonight:
Trump Casino > Hotel to host Steve Dahl Celebrity Poker Tournament with WCKG-FM, > Saturday, May 8 at 7 p.m. in the Trump Poker room where celebrities > will compete in a No Limit Texas Hold'em tournament for a $10,000 pot > to be donated to their favorite charity.
Celebrity participants include Bill Rancic, recent winner from The Apprentice; Don Novello (Father Guido Sarducci) from Saturday Night Live; Frederico Castelluchio (Furio Giunta) from The Sopranos; Tony Darrow who starred in Goodfellas, Analyze This, > Small Time Crooks and Mickey Blue Eyes; Jeff Garlin from Curb Your > Enthusiasm; Chicago Bears Hall of Famer, Gale Sayers; long-time > television and radio personalities Bob Sirott and Steve Dahl.

Fuckin' Furio, man. Sweeeeeeeet.
Posted by Broad2:56 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, May 07, 2004
Prayer for the annoyeded
So yeah, I went to that National Day of Prayer thing this evening, and to my credit, I made sure I was facing away from the crowd as I let fly with the snarky comments to the photog who was there. But also being the total shit that I can be sometimes, I made sure to ask one of the pastors taking part that why was there no representation of any non-Christian denominations. Of course, I didn't blast him for it in print, because that wasn't the point of the story, but still, it made me feel kinda mean, which is always cool.

My crazy aunt got to see little Hannah today -- the message on my machine said she was beautiful, which duh, of course she is, especially if she looks like me, which, since this is my bio-fam, I'm convinced that every new critter to the family DOES look like me in some way. (There's some strong-ass genes in this pool, I tells ya.) If I don't get out there prior, I'll get to meet her in a couple weeks. Which means I'll also probably run into the BFKAS and my brother and sister, and that has the potential for extreme. ugliness.
Posted by Broad2:39 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Can you feel the feh!?
Feeling a bit introspective and lethargic over in Chez Broad; it's warm out (finally!), but even though I have the windows open and there's a breeze, it's still stuffy and moist up in here. And yet, I refuse to put on the air condition until it's at least 85 degrees out, and it wasn't 85 degrees.

Anyway, I'm off to cover a National Night of Prayer event, (yeah, I just cover the stuff; I don't have to agree with it) and then a "Friends" going-away party. More later maybe.
Posted by Broad7:31 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Only an American
I've been pondering this whole military abusing Iraqi POW thing for a few days now, and there's only one thing that sticks out in my mind: It figures that something like this would happen when we have the world's biggest frat boy in charge of the White House. I mean, when it comes to torture and stuff, we're total retards.

Think about it: Every other country has dished heinous behavior to its POWs and what do WE do? "Huhuhuuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh, let's make them give each other BJs. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuhuh." Ok, Beavis. And can you imagine Shrub chastising these idiots? "Fuck, man! What did I tell you about taking pictures in the prison!?! 'What happens in the prison, STAYS in the prison.' You guys suck!"
Posted by Broad4:37 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, May 03, 2004
Now back to our regularly scheduled program
But not before I say this: Those bastards at M&M Mars? Have made an orchestrated version of that vile, hateful, horrible "Color My World" commercial that I hate so much. Between that and "A Focus and a Dell/A FOCUS AND A DELL," someone needs to get hurt.

So, about the time I learned the hard way about flapping my gob in public:
Posted by Broad7:02 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Just call me Huggy Bear
Ok, screw the story for now, because I just got the BEST. NEWS. EVAH: Mer, my crazy friend from NYC, IS COMING TO TOWN THIS SUMMER! Oh, HELL. YEAH. The only thing cooler would be me going to visit her in NYC. I'm trying to talk her into coming over July 4, it being my favorite holiday and all, but she and the pal she's bringing are going to Montenegro later in the month, so they may not be able to swing that. But at some point this summer, NWI will NEVER be the same.

Of course, the funny element in of all this is that both Mer and -- AND! -- her friend Rebecca have expressed an interest in Mr. Zakula, and not in a very innocent way. Hey, what kind of host would I be if I didn't provide the hook-up, whatever that may end up being (so long as it doesn't stain any surface in my house), right!?!

P.S. Almost totally forgot to welcome Beth and Kimberlee into the 'hood o' Broad, as they are showing me the linky love. Oh, and Pete? Sucks. You know why? Because he didn't tell me that his lovely lady Jess has me linked, too. Stupid men forgetting things that make us happy.
Posted by Broad1:58 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, May 02, 2004
I’m not a fucking prude … or AM I!? …
At the very least -- and Kaffy confirmed this to be true -- I think I'm becoming my father.
Posted by Broad2:39 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, May 01, 2004
It’s a GRRRRRL, yo!
After being sent home to cook for another week, Hannah Faith Keith, 8 lbs., 2 oz., 20 in. long, was brought to you at 10:13 p.m. April 30, courtesy of her momma, my darling Cousin Bren, with support from husband-to-be Shawn. She's healthy, pink and, since she was delivered by C-section, of perfectly round head. She also has eyebrows that can barely be seen by the naked eye, so so we're (read: I, since Cousin Bren and Shawn are so hopelessly in love right now, Hannah could be part dog and they wouldn't notice) are hoping she's escaped the Eastern-European-hair-no-non-nuclear-grade-depiliatory-can-remove gene we all seem to possess. And Momma's got morphine, so it's all good in her hood right now.

Let the baby shopping commence!
Posted by Broad3:08 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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