Me (sighing resignedly): Yes, Mother, I got my mail.
Her: Oh. Did you get the picture of the baby?
Me: Yeee-es, and I don't know why everyone's freaking out about how small he is, because he looks like a normal baby to me.
Her:Don't yell, because that's what (another aunt who agrees with me) did. Anyway, wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk ... Are you ready to pick me up? (Keep in mind, we've just spent five minutes talking about something we could've just as easily talked about when I pick her up.)
Me: Well, I was going to jump in the shower ...
Her: We won't have time to go, and I just want to go through the drive thru for a grilled cheese sandwich ...
Me (Looking at the phone like she's high on crack): What drive-thru has a grilled cheese sandwich, Mother?
Her: No, I meant Schoop's (a local burger place).
Me: I just told you I had Wendy's for lunch -- a HAMBURGER.
Her: Well, what else can you get there? (Have you forgotten that this is 15 minutes before I'm supposed to pick her up?)
Me: Well, let me jump in the shower, and I'll call you when I'm down there.
Her: But that'll take an hour (!) and ...
Me (Growling at this point): Fine. I won't take a shower, then.
Instead, I will blog about how you can be INSUFFERABLE PAIN IN MY ASS! GAH!