Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Out with the old, and so on and so forth

It’s a sad, sad day up in Chez Broad, for we are fast approaching the end of an era. What might that be, you ask? Am I admitting defeat and getting rid of my size 10-12 clothes? Am I getting a real job with benefits? Nay nay. I’m getting a new couch. As early as Thursday.

Yeah, you’d think that would be an exciting thing, and once it’s here, it probably will be. Thing is, I don’t want to let my current couch go; it’s been with me the entire 9 years I’ve been here, and it’s the first piece of furniture I ever bought. And it was REAL, not a futon. Cost me $650, and I paid cash. True, I was never really excited about the flower pattern, and the fact that it’s cream gave me pause, but it’s been a good, comfy couch (ask Cat Rags and Headcase—they’ve both logged time on it). Memories have been made on that couch. I’ve laughed, cried, had insane sex on it (shutup, you have too on your own couches), taken so many naps on it. Hell, I’ve probably slept more on it than I have in my bed. And I’ve been trying for months to figure out how I can get a few more years out of it, but it’s yellowed and the middle cushion is way flat and fabric torn beyond repair; and the alternatives—reupholstering or tight-fit slipcovers—aren’t much less expensive than the new couch (which I got for a steal: $380 with shipping!), and on and on and on. My sister was like, “Hey, out with the old, and in with the new,” and she’s right for various and sundry reasons, but I’m more of the “loyal to their toilet paper” type, so this is kind of a struggle for me. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have anthropomorphic tendencies and am convinced my couch will suffer severe abandonment issues once it leaves the confines of my crib.

If there’s any good to come out of this, it’s that I finally have to clean the living room that I’ve been saying I’ll clean for months now.


Posted by Broad10:34 PM
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

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Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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