Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Monday, April 18, 2005
Name that stump, yo
No, seriously. It's for a friend who recently had a good chunk of his leg removed because of diabetes. Although personally, I rather enjoy "Florence."
Will says, "It needs a nickname because no man should have a body part named Stumpy." The hospital staff has been pretty funny. A lot of the time in front of patients and visitors, they refer to "residual limbs." However in the heat of reading treatment plans to each other in hallways, they use "stump" as in "He'll be getting his stump shrinker next week." WS says he can't lie there groaning on the mat in physical therapy muttering, "Come on, Stumpy" or "Come on, [bleep].]" I guess. I suggested Elvis, but this didn't resonate. He said that a proper name would be fine, though, and yes, he'd want a male's. "Florence would be a move in the wrong direction," he said. He has brought this up several times, so I hope you'll all pitch in. Third prize is his description of the stump shrinker.

So anyway, you'd think this would be an easy thing for me since I tend to give nicknames to everyone and everything, but alas, since I've established no personal intimacy with said stump, I'm not feeling it. Therefore, I leave it to you to cut my dilemna down to size.
Posted by Broad1:39 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Ow. My head
Damn, has Hooks' (my slutty yet previously svelte neighbor downstairs) gotten HUUUUUUGE. I mean, sure, I'm certainly not the most lithe specimen these days, but bitch should NOT be wearing sweatpants with elastic at the ankle. Holy shit. God help her if she's using her anal beads these days because them things is going to get lost up in there, is all I'm saying.

So you know how I tout the whole drinking water along with mass quantities of alcohol as keeping one headache-free after a night out? Yeah, that means you should probably also drink a lot more water during normal business hours; the ol' melon was throbbing unpleasantly this morning. Pair that with the boys playing "Attack Mommy's arm as if we're in Commando training," and you've got one fairly puffy broad who looks like she couldn't get the needle in. Just the same, last night was a good time. Still not a fan of going out by myself and likely won't do it again if I can help it, but I didn't die or anything, and I was surrounded by people I like. And I'm still totally cheesing over Opie and his girl -- it's kinda like I wanna squish 'em or something, but not in that "Ok, y'all are making me want to stab you in the eye with my pen" kind of way. I admit it: That kind of happiness makes me happy, too. Or maybe it's because Opie said he thinks I'm witty, which I think he was just drunk, but you know, we take our victories where we can, right!?

Oh, and our version of Creepy McCreeperson didn't fail to disappoint, either. Dude, you MUST thin out that Hipster mess on your head; if you have to use THAT MUCH gel to get it to lay down, it ain't working. Seriously.
Posted by Broad3:03 PM
Opie’s got a grrrrrl-friend
Well, unless you consider someone not being able to get their one-hitter to work a bad thing, tonight's stag outing was a good time had by all. All the right people were there, and I;m sifficitnely fucked-up (as you can see by the pathetic spelling). And? The one particular bad thing I convinced myself was happening isn't (n\]]]]]]]]]]]] (that's one of my cats, not me), so yay! (Not that another bad thing isn't happening, but whatever THAT is is a doablle thing. And yeah, I know I haven't shared what all these nbad things could be, but a girl's gota have some secrets, rigght@?!?)

Anyway, the exciting news is that Opie, our friend from the Mer summer trip, is dating the cutest girl in the universe, anfd evern though they're, like, only just into their whole thing, I hope this is a keeper, because she;s just darling, anf they look so happy together. Yay conventional relationships! Woo!
Posted by Broad5:23 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Alone, together …
All right, so I'm about to do something I rarely do and don't like doing but am going to do it anyway: I'm staggin' it to Bite the Lime tonight.

If anything bad happens, it's Snidgey's fault for not calling me back and talking me out of it.
Posted by Broad11:21 PM
Friday, April 15, 2005
Can never have too many pets
adopt your own virtual pet!

[Horked from the lovely Headcase]
Posted by Broad1:26 PM
Down at the Sunset Lounge …
No, I don't want to be up this early -- never do, and don't know why I am -- but while I am, here's the e-mail invite Randy over at the Bite the Lime sent out for its gig this weekend. Dude fuckin' cracks me up. (Completely unrelated, I have that one Spacehog song that made it relatively big stuck in my head.)
Posted by Broad8:10 AM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Great minds drink alike
[Horked from Headcase]
Bourbon
Congratulations! You're 118 proof, with specific scores in beer (100) , wine (116), and liquor (69).
Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.



My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 29% on proof
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 89% on beer index
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 94% on wine index
free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 78% on liquor index
Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

Posted by Broad3:10 PM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Pesky peer pressure
Mac made me do this, but it's a groovy little idea, especially since I'll never be able to afford a pink I-Pod mini at the rate I'm going. Anyway, it's Blingo! so if I haven't already sent you your own personal invite, get in on the group gig by clicking riiiiiiight ... here.

Blingo! It's better than bad -- it gives presents! And not the kind that require heavy doses of antiviral medication!
Posted by Broad2:44 PM
BRITNEY’S PREGNANT
That is all.
Posted by Broad1:54 PM
A room of one’s own, indeed
So, when Wad and I were solving the world's problems last night, we got on to the subject of needing lots of space in order to remain sane. Now, I've made it no secret that despite my charming and bubbly personality, I'm a rather solitary creature at heart; and Wad concurred that a lot of space does a body good. The thing is, we're both only children (yes, I know, but I was raised as one, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the way it's going to stay, boyo), so it got me to thinking: Does being raised as an only child make someone more apt to want to remain solitary? I mean, the one guy is an only child, too, and he's about as big a loner as we come. Then again, Dad was a solitary creature, and he had two sisters.

Any thoughts, y'all?
Posted by Broad12:13 AM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Food not for the thinking
This was the story I covered yesterday afternoon. Does it go without saying that I was absolutely turning GREEN in the courtroom!?!? Note: The final version wasn't posted on the Web site today, so this is my hard copy. I'm guessing not much changed, however.
Posted by Broad4:25 PM
Overheard during court today:
Snatch is never friendly.

Unfortunately, that's all I can give you right now, but it's a direct quote, and I can assure y'all that it wasn't supposed to come out that way.

Tipped a couple with Wad this evening before my night assignment -- well, HE tipped a couple while I stuck with water because a) I was on my way to an assignment where the paper's publisher was going to be, and b) I'm broke as a joke until Thursday, and I'm already into a ton of cash to Wad as it is. Anyway, ask him to tell y'all about Cajun Teriyaki chicken. Go on, ask him! He wants you to.
Posted by Broad1:26 AM
Monday, April 11, 2005
Bitter salad with a side of venom
Going over my last week of entries, I noticed I was kind of crabby, as in, like, a real killjoy, so sorry about that; I'm not usually that negative.

Oh, wait. I kinda am sometimes, but I hide it pretty well. No need for despair, however: I've already told Kaffy and Tara (who, incidentally, is GETTING MARRIED MAY 1st, so send your congrats to her. Oh, and she and her man have just bought a big crib, too) that if I ever reach the bitter proportions of either the bio-fam or Mother to please, PLEASE kill me until I'm so dead, I can't be resurrected to be killed again.

In the meantime, the weather was GOR-jus today, so I broke the windows wide open and napped this afternoon before going to Greta's niece's birthday party, where Greta, her sister and I barbecued a buttload of burgers and soaked in the air. THAT was totally cool, even if they didn't let me put my super-special seasoning on the burgers (they're fussy eaters, remember). Should've gotten my bike out to ride.
Posted by Broad1:15 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Relative intelligence of spammer dicks
If I've managed to block out as many spammer dicks as humanly possible with my Blacklist -- and I do a run-through as least once a day -- then why do they keep trying to come back 2, 3, 10 times a day? I just looked at my activity log, and there they are, like birds against a streak-freak window. Just sayin'.
Posted by Broad3:05 PM
Friday, April 08, 2005
I give up, I swear it this time
Guess who didn't take the offer, even though she's got so much debt, she couldn't pay for a freakin' bankruptcy? Even better? Guess who had to call the buyer and not only refund his entire amount (which of course I would because, I mean, duh) but offer to refund him any expenses he may incur with the truck he had to rent? Thankfully, the buyer was tres understanding and said he shouldn't have to pay for it, but still ... Oh, and why didn't she take the offer? Well, because $1,181. 56 wouldn't even begin to put a dent in the money they're behind. Wouldn't be of aaaaaaany help at all, no sireee. No one can pay anything off with $1,100. Nuh-uhhh, they can't.

(beats head on desk)

Remember when the one guy and I had that big tsunami discussion? In theory, I guess he's right.
Posted by Broad3:45 PM
Page 52 of 87 pages « First  <  50 51 52 53 54 >  Last »
It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



Save the Net Now



/> Wanna make a bunch of money doing what you're doing right now?

Hey Webmasters! - Make $$$
The AllPosters.com Affiliates Program is a great way to make money with your website. All you have to do is place links on your site to AllPosters.com. When your site visitors click on your links and make purchases at AllPosters.com, you earn 25%-30% of the sale. Sign up today!

Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

powered by
EE Core

script assistance by
scriptygoddess

hosted by
wiredhub

This explains that large bit of type at the top.

Tagline by Ben F'in Mollin, talking about those times you wake up still drunk from the night before.

image




<< chicago blogs >>



Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Support Bloggers' Rights!
Support Bloggers' Rights!






online