*If you also think I'm taking perverse pleasure in her having her panties in a big uncomfortable wad, you would also be right.
Oh, whatEVER.

P.S. And NO, it was NOT ME who posted it there, so shut-up! (This means you, Miss Thang.)
Oh, whatEVER.

1. "Destination Unknown," Missing Persons
2. "My Stupid Mouth," John Mayer
3. "First Cut is the Deepest," Rod Stewart/Cat Stevens/Sheryl Crow 4. "Ciao!", Lush
5. "In These Shoes?", Kirsty MacColl
6. "Girl in Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing)," Romeo Void (y'all had a hard time with this one.)
7. "Last Goodbye," Jeff Buckley (ooooooh, I LOVED him)
8. "Time Out of Mind," Steely Dan
9. "Rock is Dead," Marilyn Manson
10. "Sultans of Swing," Dire Straits
Oh, whatEVER.

I discovered some very unsettling (at least to me) news in the wee hours of Saturday morning: The one guy? Is a Republican. Now, you might be wondering why this is such a huge deal, and it's not ... sort of. I mean, I've known him for going to be seven years in June and have been involved with him for what's going to be six in September, so for one, how could I have missed this fact when I know just about everything else there is to know about the guy, right!?!? But that's a total aside to the real disaster -- you know, the part when I said that Oprah doesn't have an agenda.

If you felt the earth jump off its axis 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning, that would be because "Oprah doesn't have an agenda" came out of my mouth, and the ground ripped open underneath my bed and swallowed my stupid ass.

We were talking about tsunami relief and how I, too, felt in light of billions upon billions of dollars getting dumped in a place we should not be in the first place all in the name of democracy and showing the world how we're the greatest country ever, the initial $15 mil was a slap in the face. He countered with this: Say he was a millionaire, and one of his friends asks him for help because their crib burned down. He offers $30K, and the friend bitches that's not enough. He could say, "Ok, then I can give you NOTHING. How 'bout that!?" Then he throws out at some point -- I'm not completely clear on the conversation sequence anymore -- the metaphor that the United States is the Oprah of the world, and that's when I said it.

"Well, when Oprah goes to Africa or wherever, she's not trying to spread her agenda ..."

A deadly silence fell over the room, broken only by him saying "Oprah has a fucking magazine and a televiszh ..."

"Yeah, all right, you're right, I choked. You win," I said, trying to think of the best way to cop out of saying something so assinine. I mean, it WAS 5:30 a.m., after all, and I DO have a sinus infection. The mucous could cloud my judgement, right!?!? And hey! He told me I was nuts at one point, and I was rattled by the personal attack! And, and ... yeah. I choked. That's what fucking happened.

Not usually one to let me out of an argument, he hit me with the usual "Don't patronize me," before realizing that after something that stupid? He probably ought to just let it go, because I was too humiliated to go on. I did evenutally recover my dignity when the discussion turned to gay marriage, but still ... oof.

So anway, back to the whole Republican issue and why I'm rattled by it: It's because when I think of Republicans, I've gotten so used to seeing them as people who don't think of why it is they support their party, and he does. In fact, he was the one, when I kept repeating, "I'm still tripping that you're Republican," to say, "You know, that's such a stupid way to look at people." As if I wasn't already humiliated enough.

Well, at least he can't pronounce tsunami right. He calls it, "tu-SAMI." Feh.
Oh, whatEVER.

In one of my stories last week, I quoted someone who said something about a particular company that wasn't at all flattering and in fact could've been quite damaging. And so the maligned company's flack e-mails me and tells me about how damaging it had already been and we need to do something about this immediately, right!?!? And I could appreciate that, except the part when he said "Presuming you quoted him correctly ..." -- you know, because I'm a Goddamned retard and all. But I turned it over to my one editor and spent the better part of two days in a panic that something big was going to go down and it would somehow be all my fault.

She talked to dude today, and all he wanted was a story about how his company is expanding into NWI and -- and! -- he was kind of LAUGHING about the whole thing.

You know what I have to say to that? You better hope, boy-o, that I'm not the one who gets put on your story, because I will NOT be sunshine-y and pleasant, and I may say something to you AND your boss about your tactics in getting it (although I seriously doubt the editor would allow it, because she understands tact and discretion. On the other hand, I almost wish she would, just so I could make the jackass uncomfortable. Fucking dick.)
Oh, whatEVER.

What Age Do You Act?

Mothuh-fuckuh!!!! I read your damned blog. And what can I say... well... whatever makes you able to sleep at night, you fuckin' fag. And let's talk about blogs shall we. Let's talk about how you have TWO. That's right. TWO. One that you kept hidden from your EX? girlfriend and one that you made public for everyone. Gee if that wasn't a fucking red flag to me then I don't know what was. Let's see Fag, did you keep that second blog because you were trying to "chat up the hot chicks." Maybe stick your line out there and see if you could hook something else... something a little better than Ellen. Tell me please. Entertain me. What did you POSSIBLY need to say that your supposedly very serious girlfriend could not read? Well probably all sorts of derogatory remarks that you claim you did not make. Oh and I read the bit about "I know someone who speaks poorly of their own friends - all the while looking for sympathy and comfort from those same friends" Mother fucker, why don't you quote one thing that I have EVER said about ANY of my friends. And how could I get a word in otherwise, because you were too busy BAD MOUTHING Ellen the entire time. Also - "why not just take a look at yourself, if possible, just for a moment? Tell the whole story. Tell the whole truth." Bitch, please. You wouldn't know the god damned truth if it hit you in your fugly face. And I ADMIT that I missed the SIGNALS. I ADMIT that I chose to ignore the signs. But I can say that you WERE NEVER honest with me. NEVER. And you aren't even honest with your READERS. Why don't you tell them that the woman that you have spent the past two months badmouthing is back spending time at your place? Why don't you tell them that? and by the way... don't think I didn't notice that when I confronted you, you didn't deny. Instead, you chose to spin it around and find a way to BLAME ME for your dishonesty. Telling me that you told me that you had issues. Well let's see... was that before or after you drove 8 hours down here to see me. Or was it before or after you sent me a $500 coat? Also this - "I've always done my best to be honest." - Gee, fuckwad, you have? Because you told me that you cheated multiple times on your first wife, and carried on another affair the first year of your second marriage - with your wife's BEST FRIEND. But I was willing to put it aside. I was willing to think that you had changed. So that... that right there is my fault. Because people don't change. They do not. And while we're at it, let's talk about what a huge misogynist you are. I don't know that you speak well of ANY woman in your life. NONE of them. You have three daughters. Two of which you do not speak to. Two ex-wives - both of which you blame for the divorce. A mother - that you speak even more poorly about than your ex-wives. And a little sister that you avoid at all costs. But still I believed that you were a good person. That I could help you see the good. What a fucking loon I was. Oh and this line "It's disappointing to me to share my thoughts, my fears, my innermost feelings, with someone - to trust that someone- only to find myself betrayed - to be made out a fool." Uh yeah - PENIS... it is hard to do that. Gee - I know EXACTLY HOW THAT FEELS - YOU FUCKING LOSER. And that is exactly what you are. EXACTLY. Cocksucker. Fuck you. You're a fag.
Oh, whatEVER.

Where to begin... where to begin... Maybe I'll do this post like so... Dear bald 46 year old LOSER, You know... I was on the fence about getting involved with you... yeah... I was. I mean... you weren't my type... physically speaking. And emotionally... well... you know... too much introspection. I mean seriously... I had to sit there night after night... and listen to you wax on and on about your ex. How she wronged you... how she was selfish... how she cheated on you twice... Well mother fucker you took her back??? What does that say about you? I mean... someone cheats on me... that's it. There's no, hey let's go back and talk about this... Once a cheater, always a cheater. And please... bitch looked like Ellen DeGeneres. Quit telling me she was some beauty queen. She was ROUGH... and she worked at a fucking furniture store. Hel-loooooo And please... this isn't junior high... Mary Jane didn't dump you right before the big dance. It's been two months... time to move on. And you know what else, baldy? Grow some balls. No... really. Do. It helps. Stop going on and on about your feelings... and your emotions... and blah blah... Just fucking stop. No woman wants to hear that. In fact, you couldn't stop doing that long enough to fuck me proper. I faked every time. Oh yes, I did. Forget how I went on and on about your sexual prowess... really... nothing was there. You aren't that great... And you know what else I lied about? Your photography. It sucks too. "hey... please kick the jukebox! There's a skip in Baldy's photography!" You take the same picture over and over of the same fucking beach and you think it's art. It's the SAME SHOT over and over and over. Get some new material. Also... I didn't think the age difference would matter... but fuck yeah it does. Shit... we couldn't be out too long because you had to come back and take a nap. Oh... excuse me... a "power nap" Whatever. And lastly... You are a pussy. A big one. Just in case... you know... you were wondering. You are. In fact... I would have ended this with a 'go fuck yourself' but you seem to be lacking that appendage. So go suck a dick instead. Fuck you very much, The best thing that ever happened to you. There now... I feel better. You?
Oh, whatEVER.