Somewhere between Bell's Palsy and death
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
You in trouble now
It's official, yo: On July 31 -- that would be one week from Saturday -- Meridith will be arriving at 1:23 p.m. to O'Hare from LaGuardia, and this? Is going to be fucking great. Now, having lived with Rebecca for 2 months and two weeks longer than she can handle, she says she'll be perfectly happy just sitting her ass on the couch drinking and doing nothing, but I had three words for her: LAKE. COUNTY. FAIR. And that's all it took. "4-H!?!? Ohmigod! The last time I saw live cows was in the Old Country! Bwaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!" [Note: Have I mentioned that Mer spent four years living in a Slovenian Gypsy village? I could've sworn I did, but I can't seem to find anything about it. But yeah, she went there because she wasn't ready to hold a 9-to-5 and she was interested in charitable missions. Once there, she ended up marrying a Gypsy, who she eventually divorced once they got back to the States.][Sidenote: Ohmigod, this toothpaste commercial was just on in the other room, and I could've SWORN the woman said "When I saw pink in the STINK ..." Whoa. Where's MY brain!?!?!]

Anyway, it's going to be a blast. Now, I just have to clean the crib ...
Posted by Broad8:00 PM • (0) Trackbacks
One of these things is not like the other
Found this over at Og's; it ran in Sunday's NYT Magazine.
Posted by Broad10:23 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, July 19, 2004
Why I love her so
Rebecca, Mer's crazy roommate, while the two watched Schindler's List a couple weeks ago: You know, I totally know what the Jews feel like, only I'd be the one that the Germans would put in the cattle cars, because I totally deserve it.
Mer, rolling her eyes: Yes, Rebecca, that's what you need -- the gas chamber. Now will you quit staring at me, for fuck's sake!?!?!

I suppose the good news out of that exchange is, Mer will be out here for a week starting Aug. 1 while Rebecca moves out. Anyone know where I can find a cheap, CHEAP flight from NYC to Chicago?
Posted by Broad3:53 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Broad commercialization
It's happened, y'all: Thanks to Amber over at Gipsy's Musings, I'm now an affiliate for Allposters.com. I'm sure I'll prolly need to move the ad up if I want people to actually see it, but baby steps, right? Now, go out and buy posters and make sure I don't get my ass evicted my car repossessed my car booted the next time I go downtown ever not have cat litter for my boys.
Posted by Broad11:41 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Been there, heard that, prolly have the t-shirt
Just got back from Poppy's a bit ago, where we sat outside in her garden with lawnchairs, TV/DVD set-up, Midori sours and beer watching Bruce Almighty. What a good flick -- totally NOT cheesy, like we were expecting. And yeah, say what you will about Jim Carrey, but he cracks my shit up.

So, the one guy was out of town all week and calls me up at 3:30 a.m. to let me know I could park at his crib for the Air Show, which would've been great, except my assignment was to ride the buses the City of Gary contracted to shuttle people back and forth -- you know, to see if it was running smoothly. Yeah, I know that sounds kind of gay, but I took Mother with, and we actually had a pretty decent time. At least, I didn't want to throw her OFF the bus and into oncoming traffic, anyway. Greta and I will probably go back tomorrow, and I'll shoot some pics.

Oh yeah, I started talking about listing all the concerts I've ever attended, just to see if I could remember them all. I started to list them, and in order, but I think I'm missing some ...
Posted by Broad8:50 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, July 16, 2004
More good cop stories
Had another tip last night that I hope hope HOPE pans out, because this one's excellent. I'm not working on it, though -- another reporter is. Still, it's funny as hell, and I'll share as soon as I can.

In the meantime, this weekend's the Gary Air Show, and I'm covering parking lot detail. Not the sexiest thing in the world, but I'll still get to see the show, which I've never been. Plus, I was offered a chance at going up in one of the planes today when I was out there covering another Air Show story, but I couldn't in the time they had open, and really, since I'm not writing specifically about going up in a plane, I thought it would be slightly tacky to take advantage. Besides, I didn't want to have anyone report about the reporter who barfed on the pilot because she freaks out about moving heights, compelling though it may be. (Oh yeah, it's true. I do. NOT. do. fast moving high things well. At all.)

Later, I'll complain about the one guy and perhaps list every concert I've ever attended, just because it's been on my mind as something to write about.
Posted by Broad1:28 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, July 15, 2004
In case y’all have forgotten …
Michael "Miguelino" Puente is one sexy muthfucka, and I bow to his greatness.

That is all.
Posted by Broad2:33 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Can’t escape City Hall
So much for trying to wait for amnesty: Today, I got this letter from a big fancy law firm in Chicago letting me know that it was sending me a Notice of Registered Judgement about the scads of parking tickets I accrued while working downtown, and that it could garnish my wages or put liens on my assets (yeah, WHAT assests, I'd like to know. If they find some, they can have them, because I'm sure not aware of them) or whatever. I called the attorney who sent the letter and told him that no, I really don't want to welch on my responsibilities but a) I'm a free-lance reporter, and b) I got nothing, what can we do, here? And the guy, who was actually pretty cool, established a payment schedule for me: $300 down by Aug. 1 and $161-ish for the next 36 months. (Um, yeeeeaaaaaaaah, it was a LOT of tickets.) It's a lot of money, but what else can I do, right?

Which brings me to my next point: There IS one I can do, and that's advertising. So as much as I hate marring the look, Chez Broad's going to hopefully get some tasteful advertising soon. Hey, but all the cool kids are doing it, right? Right!?!?

Ok, maybe that DOES make me a sellout. But at least I'm not fucking Mike Ditka. For the love of Christ ... (Oh. wait. He's not running for Senator of Illinois after all. Crap.)
Posted by Broad4:41 PM • (0) Trackbacks
New heir to the rock n’roll throne
In my mailbox today:
Hey Quinn....
Hope all is going great for you.....we had the baby Friday at 12:24pm....he weighed 6lb 12 oz....19.5 inches long....all is well with Mama and the baby......we ended up compromising on Gage for a name....now I have to get used to not calling him Bode.....lol

Randy

Squeeeeeeee!

Just got off the phone with mama Kerry, and she and the little bean are doing just fine -- he's having a little problem with jaundice and may have to go under the "suntan lamp," as Randy called it, but otherwise, he's doing everything babies are supposed to do.
Posted by Broad8:09 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Death for fighting-machine aeroplanes
Thanks to Kaffy, natch, who linked to an article about making money off blog advertising in the Chicago Trib, I wandered over to an old blog I used to read fairly often when I worked downtown and wanted to pretend I was fancy and well-read, especially after 9/11: The Talking Points Memo by Josh Micah Marshall. (Interesting sidenote: On our way home from Vegas in June 2001, I sat next to Josh's half brother, Steve (I think was his name) on the plane. Nice guy. He and his woman were in Vegas to catch Cirque du Soleil's O. But I digress.) So I'm scanning through to try to remember whether Josh was liberal or conservative when I came across this, which got me to read this about how Pakistan is getting the screws turned on it to produce bin Laden by -- wait for it -- at LEAST the Democratic Convention, and if not then, before the elections, but DEFINITELY before DURING the Democratic Convention at the end of the month.

I, too, echo the authors' sentiments: If going after Al Qaeda in Pakistan is a good idea, it's been a good idea for at least the last two years. So what's with the sense of urgency NOW, Shrub? Shoot me an e-mail and lemeno, homey.
Posted by Broad12:51 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Monday, July 12, 2004
Can I call my cooter Cameron Jones? Please?
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this:

My mazambas names are Cleopatra and Justin Timberlake.
Take The Boobs Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.


[Horked from Amy, who's heard of Teibel's.]
Posted by Broad9:25 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Are you DONE yet?
Five days now, and my throat is NOT any better; the whole back of it feels like there's a big ol' lump of unpleasant, and it hurts no matter what I put down. Think it's time for some medical-grade intervention up in here.

But in other news, do you know what my wonderful hairstylist, the Emperor Warrior Kendar, did for me yesterday? It was hair party time, and I told him that although I loved what he did last time, it'll be much better for my January look so could he put a few highlights back in for now? So what he does: He doesn't put your average, everyday highlights in. Oh no. Through about 10 foils and a color that can only be described as burnt orange, it now looks like my hair naturally faded to the color it is in front. I don't know how the fuck he does it, but it's incredible. Thank you, dahling.

P.S. Oh yeah, Chris over at Rude Cactus talked me into popping my guestblogging cherry and drop him a post, since all the cool kids were doing it. So I did. Lookit.
Posted by Broad7:54 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Beaches, Smeeches
Never one to enjoy the typically cloying, typically emotional film like most of my girl counterparts (Tara STILL gets all dopey and weepy over freakin' Steel Magnolias -- "M'Lynn! M'Lynn!"), I generally either scoff and be bitter about being subjected to them or try to avoid watching them (the episodes of ER about either Greene's mom losing her mind or him in end stages of brain cancer notwithstanding, because I loves me some ER -- in fact, in the early planning stages of my blog, I almost titled it "Get Rachel" after the one where Greene takes his daughter to Hawaii. But then I got smart and realized that with a title like that, I would probably also have to wear black all. the. time. and dye my hair black and be, you know, a WRITER all-refined, which is all right, I guess, but totally not my schtick).

So.

After yet another day of feeling like assbrine, I hunkered down on the couch to watch some UPN (Nascar was on Fox, and a gal's gotta draw the line somewhere) but fell asleep for a bit. And when I woke up? Marvin's Room was on.
Posted by Broad7:05 AM • (0) Trackbacks
Friday, July 09, 2004
Throat’s on fire, burning up my bod-ay
Still feeling like crap on raisin toast, but since Og wanted me to post this, I'll do it before I drop dead for the night:
Posted by Broad9:03 PM • (0) Trackbacks
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Baby did a bad, bad thing
You know how people joke about people with attention deficit are easily distracted by shiny things? Yeah, Mother and I, after having lunch at a Rodney's, had to walk past Highland Jewelers to get to The Pimp, and, well, $650 later between the two of us ... hey! it was a 50 percent off sale! Back off, man! Mother's always wanted a diamond anniversary ring, but she and Dad didn't always have the financial wherewithall to do it! And they would've been married 41 YEARS this year! She's entitled! (I, on the other hand, probably didn't need the two lovely little diamond-cut, 14kt white and yellow gold chains I bought, and they really aren't that sexy with a 1998 Guinness Fleadh t-shirt. But with either my little white Old Navy or little black Pearl River t-shirts? They're going to be cute.)

So, does anyone know where I could find and electric copy of the short story "Whup-eyed Rhea and the Kankakee Meteor Shower"? It's by an indie author named Karl Koweski, who publishes primarily on the Innernet, but this particular story comes from a book he published entitled Playthings, a collection of short stories. Anyway, that particular story is based on a real-life incident of which he and I were a part (12 years ago, he went to school where I did for a year), and not only does he apparently name me in it, but I guess he portrays me in a really unpleasant light, to which I say, "Excellent," because from what I've read of this guy's writing so far? He's fucking brilliant -- think Bukowski -- and if I provided some sort of place for him to be as good as he is, I'm all about it. Besides, I barely knew the guy, so I'm confident that whatever he had to say was written without him having an axe to grind with me.

So, if y'all know where it is, point me there (or e-mail me the salacious bits about me so I can get all litigious and have a cow and be all indignant over someone else's success so I can focus on just me! me! me! Because everything's all about me, anyway, doncha know?)
Posted by Broad7:46 PM • (0) Trackbacks
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It is the job of a good person to be honest. To be self-aware. To deliberately explore the fault lines of your character and try desperately to not inflict suffering in this strange, ghost-ridden world of worked and fabricated objects. Sometimes the jobs of writer and good person coincide. But more often they don’t. There are way more writers in the world than there are good people.

100 things
Info meme #1
Typelogic says I'm an INFP.
Check my weekly astrological groove here.

Give it to me, baby.

Pssst ... My birthday's Feb. 3, and I want this, and this, and this ...


The Make-Believe Oral Cancer Foundation (M-BOCF) is now accepting donations on my behalf. Won't you please help those of us who jump to hideous conclusions regarding our oral health and help me get a root canal or two!??:



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Broad said: Like I said, my feelings are complicated on the matter, so ... I’m interested, however, in Her Highness’ thoughts on… ...[go].

Caterina said: ARGH!!! Not to deny you your goddess-given right of reflections and wishing what might-have-beens, but this guy was straight up… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, guess who was most nasty about the charitable giving?  The frigging church.  My church and my mom’s… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: By the by, I’m not the only one I know.  I have friends who work at soup kitchens because they’re… ...[go].

Wholovesya? said: As you know, I was a voyeur to the beginning of this, and I was loving your comment!  I have… ...[go].

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